MetaChat - Just got an email from the old office..

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04 December 2007

Just got an email from the old office.. asking for a Wep key (which I'd sent them several times). It just triggered all sorts of anxiety.→[More:]

I fortunately had the key, and in my email back I asked how they were and wished them a happy Christmas, if I don't hear from them before that.

Neither of which they did in their email.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably always have the anxiety. Went to a therapist for a while but stopped because it was just getting pretty difficult.

Addendum: They are asking for the wep key because the IT guy Richard is there. Richard is a good man. When he first came to fix things, he asked me, when Sheila had left, if she always treats me like that. I should have told him the truth about how bad she was. I wish there were a way to write him and thank him for his honesty and human empathy towards me and tell him that I've moved on. Hell, I'd like to buy him a beer. But professionalism prevents this.

I've left the far left political party I am in, and I will need to pretty publicly announce this at a gathering of members. The amount of guilt I have is staggering about this. I feel the same way about not contacting Richard. I truly believe that I am honour bound to support justice, when it manifests in big and small ways. Instead I am bowing to the god of covering my own ass.

post by: By the Grace of God at: 12:00 | 5 comments

BtGoG, you are very, very hard on yourself.

Before breakfast today, I noticed and read this Times article on perfectionismand found that some of it certainly applies to me. I wonder if you'll see anything useful in it. Let me know what you think.

posted by Miko 04 December | 12:14

Update: he simply changed the key..

posted by By the Grace of God 04 December | 12:40

*Hugs BtGoG*

Go ahead and write the letter---I think he'll understand if you don't put in all the details...and I think the members of the party who are truly your friends will remain so.

I've said this before....I think holistic therapies and the social coach helped me much more than traditional psychotherapeutic treatment.

posted by brujita 04 December | 12:50

I echo the sentiments above, you are being too hard on yourself. You need to do justice to you first and foremost, only then can you seek justice for others.
(I noticed personally that the breakthrough moments in counselling came when things got uncomfortable but YMMV)
((((BtGoG)))

posted by Wilder 04 December | 13:21

I've left the far left political party I am in, and I will need to pretty publicly announce this at a gathering of members.

Why? Is this some sort of shaming ritual they have?

You're a grown-up. You don't have to do it by their rules; your participation in that group is 100% voluntary. You gave them a lot of your time and energy and it's your right to end that commitment in a way that works best for you. A letter, a telephone call . . . these are all options available to you. Do what feels most comfortable for you.

The amount of guilt I have is staggering about this.

I was in the same position about 15 years ago. I was in a far left organization and I was frustated and unhappy. My activism wasn't inspiring anymore; the party had turned into a grim set of chores. So I quit! And I felt no guilt at all. I figured that I'd rather leave on good terms than let the resentment build up and lose my temper. It was just something I had to do.

Don't feel bad about leaving. This particular organization's just not working out for you and you need to do something else with your life. Try not to confuse membership in an political party with your own personal integrity.

posted by jason's_planet 04 December | 13:24

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