My parents split up when I was about 14 and my brother and I just said "Finally!!"

The problems my brother and I had with the divorce were the same problems that we'd been having before. Email me if you want to hear my small whines about it, but generally it was a good thing for us kids.

In our case, our son is better off with us divorced than he would be if we had tried to stay together. That does not mean he didn't suffer because of the divorce; he did.

There was no marriage left, and the divorce was just a formality. I think for many couples, divorce only ends the marriage but not necessarily the bond between them nor their mutual love for their kids.

The problem here is no two situations are the same.

Devoice is fine. Dragging the kids into it is not. Go your own ways but never forget you both have the lives of new humans in your hands. Stay friends and do what you need to do to grow those kids into OK adults.

Without disagreeing with the "kids are better with happy, separated parents than miserable, together ones", this is a decision that parents have to make based on their particular set of circumstances. There is some argument, I believe, that parents have an obligation to do their very best for the kids and, if the kids are better off with mum and dad together and they can make that work, then that's what they should do and to hell with selfish desires - once you have kids, they have to be your top priority. I don't think it should be automatic that parents split up just because they don't go weak at the knees when they think of each other any more. Not saying that your parents were like that (or anyone else in particular), but it happens a lot these days because lots of people aren't prepared to work for anything, much less relationships.

My folks divorced when I was young, about three, and I am glad that they did. I stayed with my mother (I'm female, btw) and my father come in and out sort of haphazardly. I did spend many summers with him getting to do things that I otherwise wouldn't have. (He was an Outward Bound instructor.) The absolute best thing that my parents did for me was to literally NEVER speak ill of each other to me. The most damning thing I'd hear from my mother was, "Well, that's just your dad, that's the way he is." I learned on my own about his limits as a dad. As for him, he had only good things to say about my mom, as a person and a parent. I am very grateful to them for this.

Big hugs to your parents thebrokedown!

My parents kind of blew it. They split up when I was six, and they pretty much did everything wrong. My mom had an affair with a much older guy, whom she eventually married. We lived with them, but he wasn't an ideal stepdad. My father was very passive about the whole thing.

I could easily write a book about all the mistakes that were made, but it's kind of pointless (many of the main players in the story are now deceased). All of this was especially damaging for my sister, whom I regard as a 'broken' adult; incapable of looking after herself.

My point is this: divorce really sucks if it's not done properly.

My parents were a bit like two magnets. When they meshed they really meshed and when they didn't they really didn't. They were a well-oiled team when they were young, working on the common goal of getting the hell out of a small town together, but as time passed Mom needed her own identity beyond "mom". They separated which worked great, I'd stay with dad a lot when he was in the country and with mom when he wasn't, or go with dad to some other country when school allowed like on my breaks. Still best friends and co-workers (same company) they decided to make it final for tax reasons and the whole court thing was a bit of a charade since they were in such agreement about us kids. Living apart actually made them grow closer while being themselves (they married very young), mom in her 100 year old apartment with antiques, Dad in his brand new co-op with brand new stuff and lots of brand new tech gear. Every week we had Saturday and/or Sunday dinner at dads and soon I was bussing it home alone as mom spent the night - the little love birds grew closer when they moved apart.

Of course, then dad goes and dies on us. And people don't consider my mom a widow, which sucks because she is.

My son was devastated when his dad left, devastated when we divorced. It is still very hard for our son, 15 years later. I've realized that my ex- and I just could not ever make it work. To make it worse, my ex- really sucked at co-parenting. He wanted to be the fun parent, and he still wants our son to love him best. I got stuck being the responsible parent, the parent who paid bills, bought socks and underwear, Christmas and birthday gifts, and said No as needed. As he has grown up, my son has started to recognize that I didn't necessarily choose the role I played, and has started to appreciate it. I can't begin to say how much that has meant to me. Divorce has been a difficult thing for us, but staying together would have been worse.

thebrokedown- my parents were the same to the best of their abilities. My brother and I didn't know until we were adults how bitter the divorce was. That's what made all the difference, I think.

When my father came to my brother and I (I was 10 and he was 5) to say that he and mom "thought it would be better for everyone if they separated", the first thing out of my mouth was "Do I get my own room?" My father was physically and mentally abusive to my mom and I, but not my brother The Boy. I think the divorce was harder on him than the rest of us. Our father drifted in and out of our lives, and to this day we have a strained, rare relationship.

When I made the decision to leave my first husband, I was afraid on how it would impact my kids. But I didn't want them to live with a man who sadly was all too much like my dad had been. I did ask my six year old once how he felt about Mommy and Daddy not living together anymore. He told me "Daddy was too grouchy." My ex saw them regularly until five years ago, then visits got less and less. This year he's only seen them twice. But I think they understand that he does the best he can. He loves them, that much I make sure they know. He didn't have a great role model, either.

In both cases, I think the divorces were the best thing for everyone involved.

Some of the advice here regarding exes probably applies to marrieds as well. DaBitch: that was a really interesting account of your parents growing closer after they separated. In some ways it sounds like an ideal marriage. (Can metachat be depositioned?)