But what she gave you was a perfect gift basket of "things you wouldn't buy for yourself."
i wish i had someone who hated getting sparkly glittery things because i like them but have no good reason to have them, so i'd happily take them off people's hands.
People with children invite me to steal their toys.

There are sparkly glittery things I do like, but the things she's given me have not been chosen by her because she thinks I might need/use/want them, but because she's picked them up cheaply along the way over the year, in charity shops, pound shops and jumble sales. Then at Christmas she goes into her spare room where she stores the gifts she's bought throughout the year and picks out ten random things for each person and wraps them up.

Last year one of my gifts was a pair of rubber boots, kid's size, kid's style, you know the kind of thing I mean, like this. I don't have kids. I have grown-up-size feet. But she bought them because 'they'd be a nice present for someone'. That someone was me.

To me it sums up the fucking mindless consumerism of Christmas. I'd rather have a £5 book token than all that crap.

It means something to her to give it to you. That's the gift, not the stuff.

Oh, i understand. Almost anything i'll get from my sister didn't sell somewhere or is left over from something. She's not a considerate gifter.

Miko, to her it means "Look! I've given you TEN gifts", not "here's one small thing I've chosen with care, and with you in mind"

Maybe it mean "All i can get you is crap so at least here's a pile of crap."
In a sense i'd feel worse if my sister put a lot of hope into a somewhat significant gift that left me cold. Luckily, it's not likely to happen. My brother tries but it's almost always something he wants that he thinks i want but i've never heard of. The thought really does count from him but it's almost always off and i know he's excited about it, so it's worse in a way.

I am sad about this.

"... Calendar/diary - Useful, if slightly over-kittened, even for my tastes. ..."

This, I gotta see! Pictures, please!

But seriously, my mother was famous for giving everyone lots of "little" gifts, similar to your sister's "pound store" finds (although here, we call 'em "dollar" stores). She'd buy and wrap them all year, literally starting in February. When I was 12 or 13, and getting too cool for school, and sappy Christmas trappings, I thought, too, as you do "Enough with the small stuff, already."

But as I got older, and understood her better, that sense went away. She was born in 1928, and her early childhood was spent during the Depression, in a town of 150 people, as an adopted child of an otherwise childless couple, in central Nebraska. Christmas for her as a child wasn't much about presents, and as an adult, she determined it would be for her kids.

But my parents never had much money, when we were children, as my Dad was an enlisted man in the Navy for 20 years, while my Mom worked, as she could, in whatever jobs she could find in military bases, or the towns around them. So, to stretch Christmas money, we generally got 1 "big" present (being something we really wanted, like electric trains, or a BB gun), and a lot of "little" presents, to have things to keep opening, Christmas morning. In the main, I think that was a good strategy on her part, as I remember being pretty impressed by the "tons" of wrapping paper I helped my Dad gather up and take out at the end of every Christmas morning, and we had a lot of fun guessing, and opening all those gifts, and seeing them slowly build up under the Christmas tree, for what seemed like weeks, as she'd slowly add them, a few every night through Advent, while we were sleeping.

And every year, she made sure that every one of us got exactly the same number of gifts, and that their value was equal, within a dollar. No favoritism under my Mom's Christmas trees, ever. Somehow, that meant a lot to each of us, on different Christmas Days, when we didn't think we'd been as likely as our siblings to get the things we wanted.

The year she died, in going through her house, I found a couple of big boxes of the kinds of unwrapped "stocking stuffers" (as she called) them, that comprised her "little packages." And elsewhere, rolls and rolls of wrapping paper, tape and bows. So, I did the only thing that seemed right, and as she did, wrapped them all, and put name tags on for all of us, and "Santa Claus" in the "From:" field. It amounted to about 90 little packages, some of which I sent off to distant relatives, as she would have, and the rest of which I brought, as she did, a few at a time, and put under our Christmas tree, every night of Advent.

This year, I'd give a lot for another brightly wrapped Pez dispenser, a box of inexpensive handkerchiefs, and another shiny money clip, if my name were on the nametags, in her handwriting.

a BB gun

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Haven't yet :-)

Sorry she has disappointed you - again. Yet again. It's a season when emotions are somewhat on edge (at least for me) and having your expressed desire ignored has to hurt. Especially when you've done so much for her!

For me, the holiday isn't anymore, nor will it ever be again. It's too linked to an awful event. I'm still trying to make something of it, but there's no reason any longer. I go through the motions to make my Mom happy.

She, like paulsc's Mom didn't have much during her childhood, and the trappings and festive mood she creates in her home all mean so much to her. She has toned it down over the years, and the gift-giving has lessened - but the SYMBOLISM of giving and joy that is so very important to her. It seems to be a way to do something tangible.

For my part, I like to give services. For her, I save enough money every year to give her house-cleaning once a month. She isn't as spry as once, and I'd rather her do things she loves than spend time cleaning. Also, I hope she becomes comfortable with someone else cleaning and will accept more and more help as she gradually needs it. I look at it as a way to keep her in her home for as long as possible.

For others, I give a small token of something I think they may like (wrapped up pretty so they can open it), and a donation to an organization that I know they support. It's nice to be thought of, so I try and not let my attitude get in the way of other's holiday needs. It's doing for others that gets us through sometimes.

paulsc, that's a great tale. During some lean years in my childhood, my parents did the same - bought lots of little things, things from the sewing notion store and the drugstore. I can't remember much about the things we got for Christmas, apart from a few items like my first guitar and first 'boom box,' but I do remember that they were always, always joyful.

I love giving gifts. I've probably been guilty of giving people silly, cheap stuff they didn't want. I've certainly gotten some, too. Still, there's a lot of love and joy in the exchange. It's clear that this gift assortment really bothers you, but it can't possibly be about the gifts. Obviously, your sister's intent is not to disappoint you or hurt your feelings or make your house more cluttered or insult you. It sounds like you have a wish that she did know or pay attention to who you are and what you really want. But she may never be able to do that. Some people don't have the gift-giving gene, that always-the-right-choice thing - it's pretty rare. And from what you've said, your sister has her own challenges to contend with. It may be that she feels pretty great to be able to send you a big ol' pile of shiny bright presents. Maybe it makes her feel successful or valuable or comfortable that she could make Christmas happen for someone she loves. The thing that makes it touching, for me, is that she obviously put thought into it - if she were just trying to throw any old thing at you, she'd get one bath set and be done with it. Instead, she gathered a lot of things.

There's some good in this, here. I know I find it really lonely and disappointing when my family kind of doesn't 'get it' - like they're not really seeing me. So I understand the frustration. My suggestion is: make the arrival of your sister's would-be perfect gifts the perfect excuse to go out and splurge on something you've wanted for yourself, that you'd choose for yourself as a gift, and buy it without remorse and enjoy the hell out of it. That'll be your present from your sister.

p.s. I like scented drawer liners. So, if you need to regift...

One season when I was about 10, I gave my folks a list of what I wanted - really specifically - FLAIR felt tip pens, every color. I really wanted Flair brand. They got me some unknown brand of felt tips that were ok, but I was really disappointed they weren't Flair! I dunno what the point of telling y'all that is.

To me it sums up the fucking mindless consumerism of Christmas.

This is something mrs chewie & I talk about increasingly. Still, we try to focus on getting each other one thing we've heard the other mention sometime during the year. Then we loosely wrap a few toys and treats for the dogs & kittehs and let them open their own. An hour later they're napping - the cats are stoned on catnip and the dogs gobbled all their treats. It's a homey scene.

Essexjan -- it sounds like this is really the icing on the cake of her frequently oblivious, self-centered behavior (at least that's how she comes across from your posts), and hence it's far more frustrating than it would be in other circs. My sympathies on how maddening the whole situation with her must be.

I really like paulsc's and miko's and mightshould's family-gift-tradition stories. In my own family, we had a tradition of "execrable gifts," awful tacky stuff from surplus or secondhand stores, which were bought largely because they made such perfect fodder for our other great holiday gift tradition of "clues" -- lengthy, complex, pieces of verse, usually including multiple-level puns, in-jokes and current topical allusions. "Good" presents (i.e., a really nice sweater, a longed-for record) often didn't lend themselves to really good, juicy clues, but when you had something like the two-foot-tall Elvis thermometer, or the squirting nickels, or the Minnesota-Viking wall clock that sang the hours in a horrid Swedish accent -- ah, those were comedy/verse/clue gold.

ej, just say thank you... and accept your sister's limitations/quirks. Try to enjoy her for who she is. It's easier to change your expectations than change her. You might be surprised by the results. All that frustration and disappointment will just melt away if you let it.

(sorry if I sound preachy... you know I adore you)

Seconding the drawer liner thing...that actually sounds appealing to me.

If you had seen some of the stuff my sweet mother in law has given my kids over the years...last year she got my adult son a Denver Broncos santa hat. For his birthday.

But I must admit he looked cute in it.

"Flake Moments" chocolates sound interesting. Sounds like your sister has lots of flake moments.

make the arrival of your sister's would-be perfect gifts the perfect excuse to go out and splurge on something you've wanted for yourself, that you'd choose for yourself as a gift, and buy it without remorse and enjoy the hell out of it.

I did that on Saturday, when I bought myself a fabulous Cuisinart coffee mill and some very good coffee.

In my experience, families generally suck at buying each other presents. I'm glad we have pretty much got over bothering these days. Most of what my family used to give me (except my mother) sounds just like what you got, jan.

paulsc, I usually have this niggling feeling that you are talking out your arse when you provide those huge long answers full of facts, but that one brought a lump to my throat. We do tend to buy our kids a lot of cheap crap for Christmas that we know will be broken within days, but the kids get a huge kick out of the act of opening them and gathering them up, so it's worth it. They also get one "main" present each, plus one to share and the rest is small stuff that we spend a lot of time choosing to make sure it's something they will like, even if the quality is poor.

I like to give small gifts from the dollar store etc., mostly as stocking stuffers, and just for fun. But I do put thought in to them, not just gather up a certain number of things and hand them off, as it seems your sister does, Jan. I like to find something little that may remind the giftee of something they did/ or something that happened once. This year, I have a glass animal for my mom. When I was a kid, the small table at the bottom of the stairs held a small collection of glass animals that I always loved. Since my mom has just moved back from Seattle, I thought a glass reminder of a time long ago may bring a smile to her eye.