Letters to A**holes Dear Editor of Weekly National Paper,→[More:]

The next time you want an article about something I went to a week ago would you please not call me the night before deadline at ass o clock and tell me you want it? Tell me, like, the DAY AFTER THE EVENT or something.

You are very lucky I was testing my new condenser microphone and have sweet fuckin' sound of the whole thing.

Love and kisses,
Your Writer

Dear Editor of Snooty Chewy Quarterly,

I think you were drunk when you sent this assignment.

I am not going to clarify though - I am going to be writing a well footnoted paranoid screed per your request and you are going to publish it and pay me moneys!

Pinching her nose at the beerbreath,
Your Writer