HALIFAX JUST CALLED ME TO REMIND ME TO PAY A BILL. WHO DOES THAT?

I THOUGHT I USED *MORE* COFFEE BEANS THAN USUAL WHEN MAKING COFFEE THIS MORNING BUT MY COFFEE IS TOO WEAK! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S VERY UPSETTING! I'M NOT EVEN SURE THAT I'M CAFFEINATED ENOUGH TO DO ALL THIS SHOUTING!

IT IS FRIDAY! LA LA LA LA!

GRUMPY SHOUTING: FRUSTRATING BUREAUCRACY AT THE ITALIAN EMBASSY HERE! POORLY-DESIGNED EASYJET WEBSITE!

ELATED SHOUTING: INTERPOL IN BERLIN TOMORROW - AND IT'S GOING TO BE WARMER THAN 0°C!

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A REAL PHOTO ASSIGNMENT FROM MY EDITOR FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE (IRONICALLY) MY JOURNALISM CLASS IS THE SAME TIME AS THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER MEETINGS (AND I GUESS SHE CONSTANTLY FORGETS I'M GOING TO BE COMING LATE? SO SHE DOESN'T SAVE ASSIGNMENTS FOR ME UNLESS I REMINDER HER A RIDICULOUS NUMBER OF TIMES?). SO I'VE BEEN GETTING THE STUPID "RHODY PIC OF THE DAY, AND ALSO GOD HATES YOU" ASSIGNMENTS. SO FINE, YESTERDAY I GO OUT WALKING IN THE FUCKING RAIN AND AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR I FINALLY GET A PICTURE OF TWO FRESHMEN TAKING SHELTER FROM THE DOWNPOUR INSIDE THE MULTICULTURAL CENTER, PLAYING THE PIANO. I SPENT TIME EDITING IT, I SPENT TIME AT THE OFFICE CROPPING IT, WRITING A CUTLINE, PUTTING IT IN THE NECESSARY FOLDERS, ETC.

AND NOW I WAKE UP TO SEE THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN USE THE FUCKING PICTURE!? THEY USED A SPORTS PHOTO, THAT IS DECIDEDLY BETTER BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THAT PERSON WASN'T GIVEN THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT.

HERE'S THE THING: DON'T GIVE ME A FUCKING ASSIGNMENT TO GO OUT AND TAKE A PICTURE IF YOU AREN'T EVEN GOING TO FUCKING USE IT, DICKHEADS, THAT WAY I DON'T WASTE MY FUCKING TIME. HOW'S THAT SOUND, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A NEWS EDITOR?

Apologies for all the "fucks" in the above statement, but you guys are a great outlet. Better here than, say, at my editor.

CF DON'T APOLOGISE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR EDITOR'S A FLAKE AND YOU HAVE A DECENT RIGHT TO BE PISSED OFF. SOUNDS LIKE SMELLY SMELLY POLITICS TO ME, PEE-YEW!

I SAY WE GANG UP AND KICK THAT EDITOR'S ASS! WHO'S WITH ME?

*ahem*

DEAR BUILDING MAINTENANCE TROLLS. STOP SETTING THE AUTOFLUSH ON EVERY GODDAMN TOILET IN THE BUILDING TO "KILL". I'M GETTING HEARTILY SICK OF HAVING MY TUSH IRRIGATED WITH PEE WATER HALF A DOZEN TIMES BEFORE I CAN YANK UP MY KNICKERS AND STAMPEDE OUT OF THE STALL KTHXBYE.

FED FED FED UP WITH SODDING WEDDING ETIQUETTE BOLLOCKS! I DON'T WORRY ABOUT PROPER ADDRESS AND TITLES IN THE REST OF MY LIFE, WHY SHOULD I FOR A WEDDING? AND WHERE DID ALL THESE COUSINS COME FROM?

IS THIS YOUR OWN WEDDING, ALTO? IF SO, THEN JUST SCREW IT. NO ONE ELSE REALLY CARES, EITHER.

ALSO, I'M STILL REALLY PISSED THAT WE HAVE TO INVITE ANDY'S FAMILY THAT WE'VE NEVER MET. I DON'T KNOW 'EM, I DON'T WANT 'EM, I HOPE THEY DON'T COME.

IF I CAN FIND A COLLEGE THAT GIVES SCHOLARSHIPS FOR CRAFTING THE LARGEST, MOST DISGUSTING, STINKIEST POOPS POSSIBLE, I CAN GO AHEAD AND CANCEL THE BOY'S 529 PLAN.

NO ONE HAS SHOWN UP TO FINISH THE JOB WHEN I WAS TOLD THEY WOULD COME YESTERDAY!!!. I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP PROPERLY!!! APPARENTLY NO ONE ELSE HAS SAID ANYTHING TO THE DOORMAN WHO REEKS OF COLOGNE!!!! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER TO HIRE A FULL-TIME HANDYMAN (WHICH WAS THE PRESENT SUPER'S FORMER JOB) OR MORE PORTERS THAN TO RAMP UP THE UNCTUOUSNESS AT THE FRONT DOOR!!! I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO THE OR MEFI THANKSGIVING AND IT WAS MY ONLY DEFACTO INVITE!!!

I CANT BELIEVE I HAD TO MAKE IT TO WORK FOR AN 8AM MEETING ONLY TO FIND THAT EVERYONE BUT ME AND ONE OTHER GUY DIDNT SHOW! ARRRRRRRRRRGH! NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO BACK HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP!

MUDDGIRL, YES IT'S MINE. I'M NOT INVITING MY COUSINS AS I BARELY KNOW THEM AND WOULDN'T RECOGNISE THEM IF I SAW THEM IN THE STREET. BUT IT HAS BEEN MADE CLEAR TO ME THAT I AM TO INVITE ALL OF HIS COUSINS. OH WELL, JUST DECIDED TO ROLL WITH IT. ONCE GRANDMA HAS HAD TWO GLASSES OF WINE, SHE WON'T REMEMBER THAT I ADDRESSED HER INVITATION WITH POSSIBLY THE WRONG TITLE.

GOOD SHOUTING - WE'RE ALLOWED TO BRING OUR OWN WINE TO THE RECEPTION, AND HAVE RELATIVES IN FRANCE WHO CAN BRING SOME (LOTS) OVER FOR US :)

I DIDN'T GET EVEN CLOSE TO ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND AM FEELING WOOZY AND TIRED BUT I'M IN A GOOD MOOD ANYWAY BECAUSE I HAVE NEW BOOOOOOOTS!

I THREW UP THIS MORNING AND I HATE THROWING UP. PLUS, MY TOILET REALLY SMELLS. FINDING THAT OUT WHILE PREPARING TO THROW UP IS NOT MY DREAM SCENARIO.

THERE IS A RAT LIVING IN MY OVEN AND LAST NIGHT I WENT TO THE BATHROOM ALL HALF ASLEEP AND THE LITTLE FUCKER WAS IN THERE AND RAN OVER MY FOOT AS HE TRIED TO ESCAPE. FUCKING RATS.

I DO NOT RELISH THE PROSPECT OF HAVING TO WRITE A MONTHLY CHECK FOR NEARLY A GRAND TO SUPPORT A KID THAT IGNORES ME AND PAY THE EX'S LEGAL COSTS FOR A DIVORCE I DID NOT WANT. AND I ESPECIALLY DO NOT APPRECIATE NEWFOUND FINANCIAL DISCOMFORT AS A CONSEQUENCE OF SAID PROSPECT.

COROLLARY TO ABOVE: JUST POINT OUT SOMEBODY I CAN FUCKIN' BAYONET RIGHT IN THE THROAT SO I'LL FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE.

YOU CAN BAYONET MARTHA STUART AND I WOULDN'T MIND. SHE HAS PRETTY WEDDING MAGAZINE BUT SHE ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME.

AW, CRAP, AND I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON OL' MARTHA, TOO. THEY'LL ALL SAY "SHE DIED HARD, FOR A DOMESTIC-ENTERTAINING SUPERSTAR."

OH FUCK!

I JUST REALIZED THAT IF MY PHONE CHARGER DOESN'T COME IN THE MAIL TOMORROW (I LEFT IT IN FLORIDA!) AND I CAN'T GET ONLINE ON MY STUPID BROKEN HOME INTERNETS, I CAN'T HAVE MY WEEKLY PHONE DATE WITH MY AWESOME BOYFRIEND!

AND WE MISSED LAST WEEK, TOO! (FLORIDA.)

THE WOMAN I SIT NEXT TO AT WORK IS BLINDINGLY, HARSHLY AND LOUDLY IGNORANT! AND VIOLENT!

SHE IS FOND OF SMACKING ME IN THE ARM TO GET MY ATTENTION! YESTERDAY SHE TOOK LENGTHS TO TELL ME HOW HILARIOUS IT WAS TO SEE A DARTING SQUIRREL GROUND TO DEATH UNDER AN SUV'S TIRES ON THE ROAD TO WORK!

THEN SHE CACKLED AGAIN LATER WHEN HER HUSBAND CALLED JUST TO SEE IF THE DAMN THING BOUNCED BETWEEN THE FRONT AND REAR AXLES!

I FUCKING HATE VIOLENT, LOUD, STUPID PEOPLE!

HOLIDAYS SUCK WHEN YOU WORK AT A SUPERMARKET IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT. IT'S A FUCKING TURKEY, PEOPLE, NOT A CHILD!!!! JUST PICK ONE, ALREADY!!! AND STOP ASKING FOR 15 LB. BIRDS - THEY DON'T EXIST!!! That's the inbetween size for hens and toms. YOU PEOPLE MAKE TURKEYS EVERY YEAR..WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER HOW LONG IT TAKES TO DEFROST THEM? AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL A 20 LB. BIRD FEED? WHO ARE YOU FEEDING? FOOTBALL PLAYERS? OR CHURCH LADIES?