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14 November 2007

Two years have gone by. Where does the time go?[More:]

Life goes on. I grieved for a year and a half. At times I thought I would die of a broken heart. But I feel I have come through the pain. My experience is that I can't 'get over' or 'get round' pain, I have to go through it in order to come out the other side with my sanity intact.

If life had turned out how George and I had planned, I'd be a farmer's wife in Ohio now. But things took a different twist, and that's brought new opportunities and new horizons for me. George wouldn't have wanted me to be unhappy or to live in sackcloth and ashes.

I think my trip to NYC in June was the turning point, when I sat next to a man at the meetup and felt that little frisson that told me there's life in the old girl yet and that I might not have to be on vajayjaycation for the rest of my days.

Thank you, bunnies, for your friendship and kindness.
So happy for you, Jan.
posted by viachicago 14 November | 03:58
{{{hugs}}}
posted by seanyboy 14 November | 04:02
Thank you, too, Jan - and everyone here. Very much. You've all been comfort and companionship for me, as well... it's nice to have the mecha hearth to warm one's hands at. The island/castle may be virtual, but there's always someone to play with in the Fun Room, and someone cooking in the kitchen, and someone telling stories by the fireplace. So, "yay!" and if these US/UK connections keep happening, we're going to have to add an airline to our list of mecha properties.
posted by taz 14 November | 04:25
I was just thinking about you! You're completely right, new things and new opportunities happen all the time and it's importyant to be in the headspace to enjoy them. huge hugs
posted by Wilder 14 November | 04:31
.....and a LITTLE frisson, now who're you kidding!
posted by Wilder 14 November | 04:36
The old saying "this too shall pass" sometimes seems a bit trite and glib. It's true, though - when enough time has passed that you have worked through the bad feelings, you come out the other side if you let things happen naturally. If you choose to stay in the quagmire of despair, you can do that too. If you try and force yourself to get over grief, you never do. I'm really glad you have decided to come out the other side. That day in June could be your day of awakening. Embrace it.
posted by dg 14 November | 05:04
{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

posted by bunnyfire 14 November | 07:42
*hugs ej*
posted by BoringPostcards 14 November | 07:54
Dec. 24th will be two years for me. I am amazed at your ability to get through this, and agree, there's no getting over it. It's there every day.
All the best to you.
posted by mightshould 14 November | 07:57
.....and a LITTLE frisson, now who're you kidding!

Well, yeah, a frisson turned into HMS with the MO.

*blushes*
posted by essexjan 14 November | 08:05
Wow, that's rough. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to move on with your life, though.
posted by chuckdarwin 14 November | 09:37
Jan, I heard this on the radio today and thought of you straight away.
I know lots of people diss Ashlee Simpson but Beautifully Broken will always say Jan to me from now on!

You're an inspiration sweetie, thank you for everything.
posted by Wilder 14 November | 10:31
(((warm & fuzzy thoughts)))
posted by getoffmylawn 14 November | 10:43
I am very happy for you jan. I can't think of a person who more deserves some joy in life.

*idly wondering how many mecha couplings there have been. I can think of 3 (no names) but there are probably more*
posted by danf 14 November | 10:46
I was introduced to you through that post and it's been really amazing to follow your story. You've gone from that stranger on the internet I felt so bad for to my friend on the internet that I'm so happy for.
Hugs to you and hopes for more great surprises to come.
posted by jrossi4r 14 November | 10:49
essexjan, I read your post about George's death a while ago after I "met" you here on Metachat. It's a heartbreak. I'm so glad you are doing well and are happy.

I'm also glad to have Metachat friends. It's such a pleasant, inspiring place. Hugs to you essexjan, you're a great person.
posted by LoriFLA 14 November | 10:56
That thread was a very moving tribute, essexjan. You two were both lucky to have found each other. Here's to healing and new horizons!
posted by Atom Eyes 14 November | 11:00
I love you so! :-D
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 14 November | 11:22
Jan, it makes me so happy to hear the hope in your words.
posted by gaspode 14 November | 11:31
Aww, jan.
::hugs::
posted by casarkos 14 November | 11:36
I was talking to my mom last night, about my father's death 5 years ago. She's a psychologist, and said that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who introduced the whole 5 stages of grief thing, had, later in life, more-or-less retracted the whole thing. Mom said, and I agreed, that the stages seem more to be a convenient way to deal with other people's grief, not one's own, really; it can be helpful to an outsider to say "oh, she's just going through the Anger phase," but it's not terribly helpful to the one who's grieving.

That's been absolutely true with my dad's death. How can one ever get over such a thing? Even something so inevitable, and, in my dad's case, clearly foreseen and anticipated, is just devastating.

George wouldn't have wanted me to be unhappy or to live in sackcloth and ashes.
That's the key, isn't it? That's what you can hold onto, as you live and love and experience new joys with new people. I'm continually saying to myself "Oh, Dad would've liked this" or "I wish Dad could've seen me do that," but the best I can do is to live on and try to honor his memory.

This year was the first that I totally forgot the anniversary of my dad's death, and, by God, I truly believe he would have wanted it that way.
posted by mrmoonpie 14 November | 12:23
((jan))

"My experience is that I can't 'get over' or 'get round' pain, I have to go through it in order to come out the other side with my sanity intact." I can echo that and the fact that friends, even the imaginary one on the Internets, help a lot.

It is great to hear that things are getting better.
posted by arse_hat 14 November | 13:13
Hugs, essexjan!
posted by halonine 14 November | 13:43
(((essexjan))) You deserve every little bit of happiness that comes your way.

My belief is that the pain doesn't lessen or go away - you just learn to deal with it.
posted by deborah 14 November | 15:41
I'm glad things are better, and that the color has come back into your life.
posted by theora55 14 November | 15:55
((((essexjan)))))
I'm glad the pain has lessened, and that the sweet memories remain. I'm glad you've found your feet again, because no one deserves to be happy more than you.
posted by redvixen 14 November | 19:45
IRC || Pssst! Wanna see some dirty pictures?

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