I wouldn't worry too much, Lori. People develop at their own pace, socially as well as physically. Fretting over him might make him feel like he's defective somehow, which can feel awful.

You're right, jon. I don't want him to feel bad about being himself.

Give him time... he'll likely find someone to hang with at school, especially since he has friends in the neighborhood. If shyness is part of his core personality, which it is for about a third of people, he may not only enjoy alone time, but need alone time. Not to get too technical, but studies have shown that "introverts" need time to themselves to recharge, so to speak, while "extroverts" recharge in group activities. "Introvert" sounds like such a bad word, but it's not; it's not a matter of better or worse, just different personality traits.

He's very young, of course, but introvert/extrovert tendencies have been shown even in babies, and generally remain unchanged throughout a person's lifetime. For me, such information was a revelation and a relief. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I liked to play by myself and, later in life, often felt exhausted by social gatherings (though I enjoyed them, too, on a certain level, as long as I had my alone time, too). Understanding my own core "wiring," if you will, has helped me be at peace with myself. Naturally, though, I married an "extrovert." Gives us both some balance.

Developmentally, as long as he has at least one friend in his life, at school or otherwise, that's fine. Alone doesn't mean lonely. And shy folks tend to be more sensitive, artistic, and empathic, by the by.

He sounds alright to me. Probably too smart (and too self-assured and comfortable with himself when alone) for most other kids.

The culture of young school kids is largely based on insecurity. The quiet, secure kid is just naturally "different." That doesn't mean lonely, although at some point in life he'll probably have to realize he's different than other people, and he may occasionally get picked on now, as kids can't help but pound down the nails that stick up...

He'll survive, and it's all worth it.

And anyway, there's nothing for him to be but himself, and it sounds like this is a good thing to be.

(I'm saying much of this from my own very similar experience.)

In fact, this all sounds very good, not the opposite.
:-)

When he inevitably shows creative talent or interests and passions in certain things in life, please encourage him!

I have suspected that my eldest son has inherited my husband's introverted genes. I'm extroverted. This is probably why I'm concerned. I always want friends around. It took me years to figure out why my husband didn't.

Thanks for this, guys. I feel better about things already. He may need and enjoy this time. He doesn't seem upset about anything. He doesn't seem lonely. He's a normal, happy kid. I don't want to project my fears of being friendless onto him.

If he's happy, then be happy. There's no greater asset in adult life than memories of a happy childhood, being accepted by one's family as an individual.

You sound like a wonderful mom :)

Thank you, BtGoG.

Don't fret, he sounds exactly like me at that age - and though I really cheris being alone at times I'm not actually introverted. I like being in big groups and smaller groups too. I was a little shy for a while, but riding camp snapped me out of that right quick. :)

He also could just not really like the kids that are currently in his class. I was a loner, and still have those tendencies and it wasn't until I moved to a school where there were kids I had things in common with that I started to really make friends. And I wanted friends, but I didn't feel comfortable becoming something I wasn't to develop friendships with the kids around me. I was creative, and empathetic, and loved reading and learning. And the culture of my first couple of grades wasn't any of those things.

I know have more friends than I can name and figure I'm making up for lost time. But I also need time where I'm not around other people so I can refuel to be around them and thoroughly enjoy myself. He may end up the same way. Is your husband concerned for him?

He'll be fine. As long as he seems happy to you (and to his teacher) that's all you need to worry about at this age.

But being a parent IS a heartbreak. Even when they grow up they can twist your heart in a knot with very little effort.

My youngest daughter is almost exactly like this (she has no problem with breaking rules, though ;-). It sounds like he's fine and just needs time away from people to recharge - the constant interactions with people in a classroom can be a draining experience for young introverts. You may find that he will hang around other kids more as he gets older and the classroom work gets to be more individual and involves other people more.

My main worry would be whether he's being bullied or teased excessively, or is being excluded. Talk to his teachers. Sorry to be a downer, but school was a horror for me because of these things. Hopefully this isn't the case and he's just happy doing stuff on his own.

Seconding talk to the teachers. They may have some insight for you. But I also agree that there may be no real problem for you to worry about. He may be quite right; maybe the other boys do do "bad stuff." In that case, isn't it awesome that your son has the confidence to opt out and critically judge their activities as ones he doesn't want to engage in? I'd support that behavior.

It's also true that not all groups of kids are interchangeable. The character, nature, and values found in the parent community are found reflected in a school's children. Are the school's families people who share your family's values and ways of relating? If not, your kid might well be lonely, and might not fit in. Is that the most terrible thing in the world, though? I didn't exactly 'fit in' during elementary school, and neither did my brother. And that was all right. The degree to which we would have had to change in order to fit in would have been an unhealthy suppression of our personal talents and individual natures. By the time I was able to make choices about communities to be a part of - to go to an arts-focused high school, attend summer arts programs, get into a backpacking group for teens, play music - I was able to find friends who could keep up with me, and vice versa, without requiring me to become someone I wasn't. I know this kind of story is true of many of the greatest people I know.

Being around different people teaches tolerance. It's okay that your son is different from the other kids, and he's teaching them as they teach him. In your shoes, I'd just want to make sure that (a) the teachers are doing everything they can to support him socially and learning-wise, and (b) that he has plenty of other opportunities outside school to do things that excite him, pursue his interests, and form friendships with kids from other environments.

If he goes to day camp or even overnight camp, picking a good one of those can make a lot of difference in a kid's sociability and sense of self-worth. (Picking a bad one can do the opposite!)

I feel for you, Lori. I really do. I'm going through something similar with my little tomboy. She's got no interest in playing with the girls, and occasionally gets rejected by the boys because, as we all know, girls have cooties. So I'm going to tell you the same things I tell myself:
1. It's very early in the year. Friendships and cliques will be formed and reformed dozens of times in the months to come.
2. I can't project my hang-ups on her. Just because not having a "group" would freak me out, doesn't mean it freaks her out. She will often play alone by choice, not because she's been rejected. That's a cool self-confidence to have and I should encourage it, not worry about it.
3. The small little glimpses I get of her school life really aren't great indicators of What Things Are Like. One day I'm worried that she's not fitting in, the next she's confiding in me that she has a "boyfriend" who keeps trying to kiss her and she gets a birthday party invitation in the mail. So, who knows.

Thanks for the comments and suggestions, guys. I think I will mention it at the next teacher conference. He does participate in other activities with kids out of school.

Tonight we went to our neighborhood's annual block party and he had a blast playing with the other neighborhood kids. I don't see that he has a problem socially, other than his shyness, which really isn't a huge problem. He knew a lot of the kids tonight, so we was probably more at ease. I'm trying not to worry so much. There's nothing like seeing your kid enjoy himself, and just be a kid, to assure that all is right with the world.

I am trying to get him to actually look adults in the eye and verbalize the word hello, rather than giving a half-hearted wave and a mumble instead. If anybody can help with that, let me know. :)

I am trying to get him to actually look adults in the eye and verbalize the word hello

Notice and praise!