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13 October 2007

I swear, I didn't intend to steal those wipes (caution: poo story) [More:]I took the kids out shopping today so that Mrs. Plinth could do yard work. Costco offers double seat shopping carts so I could perch both kids while stocking up on diapers, wipes, fat pants, toilet paper and so on.

Then I took them to the grocery store, which has a monitored play area for kids. I signed in Alice and went about shopping with Stuart. Then I got the dreaded full store page. Gah. I beelined to the care center and apparently Alice had pooped. Oh and the pager they gave me never went off. I had a diaper bag out in the car, could I leave Stuart here while I grabbed it? Oh NO NO NO NO NO! We're not licensed for babies. Crap. OK, so I leave the cart, grab him and went out to the car. On the way, I checked him because if you're gonna change diapers, you might as well get them both. Sure enough, he crapped himself too (his third time today).

No big - I check the diaper bag and discover that there are no wipes at all. No big - I just bought some from Costco, so I checked the trunk and sure enough, I totally failed to buy wipes at Costco. It's a grocery store, so I went back in with the diaper bag and Stuart and grabbed a box off the shelf then went back to the cart and Alice, put Stuart in the cart and walked them both to the men's room, which thankfully had a changing table.

I strapped Stuart down and did a standing-up change of poopy Pull-Ups maneuver and got Alice clean and changed. Then worked on Stuart, while having to stop every 45 seconds to remind Alice to not go put her hand into the urinal. Washed up and left.

Put Alice back into the care center and discovered that I had lost the shopping list and proceeded to try to run it from memory (did OK).

Checked out and headed out to the car and realized that I had left the open container of wipes I fully intended to pay for on top of the changing table in the men's room. Ah well, some other man's bonus, but I swear, I really did not intend to steal the wipes.
Can you go into more detail as to the "stand-up change of poopy Pull-Ups maneuver" in case I'm out somewhere and get startled?
posted by Lipstick Thespian 13 October | 14:40
1. Pants come down
2. Open Pull-Up seams and inspect, carefully removing whatever fecal matter possible
3. Encourage child to spread legs apart further and clean remaining poo
4. Open seams of new Pull-Up and close around lower shins
5. Pull up Pull-Up and pants

By the way, I think that handing any kind of heroic poo maneuver like this should entitle the caretaker to a compilmentary 1/2"x1/2" tattoo of an overflowing diaper, not unlike the markers on the noses of fighter planes for confirmed kills.
posted by plinth 13 October | 15:16
Wow, just reading that made me tired. Glad those years are long gone.
posted by arse_hat 13 October | 15:45
This post made me gladder than I have ever been that I do not, nor will I ever, have children. That, and ColdChef's daughter's snot/shitfest yesterday.

*shudder*
posted by essexjan 13 October | 16:22
hahaha, sorry, but yeah, that sounds like a great example of "one of those days". Great job on the poo, pa!
posted by dabitch 13 October | 17:10
I detect a Freudian subtext to all of this || BUNNYSTOCK II

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