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08 October 2007

MetaIkea. What would our users be if they were something sold at Ikea?→[More:]

(Inspired by Miko's comment.)

I think a Miko would be an elegant vanity table with an oval mirror and little silver knobs. Comes in chocolate, sage and weathered maple.

post by: Specklet at: 16:59 | 45 comments

Specklet would be a very small bright light.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 08 October | 17:11

ThePinkSuperhero would be a set of colorful nesting trays.

posted by box 08 October | 17:17

The Gaspode would be a vaguely shell-shaped hanging lamp.

posted by box 08 October | 17:24

Pieisexactlythree would be a useful kitchen item in brightly colored ergonomic plastic with cute stylized features suggesting some kind of animal.

Richat would be a large round fuzzy rug.

Taz would be a matching set of crystal ouzo glasses.

posted by matildaben 08 October | 17:24

Box would be a very colorful and geomatric space rug.
[I have only stepped inside an Ikea twice in my entire life and curse the fact that they do not ship to Alaska.]

posted by rhapsodie 08 October | 17:24

The matildaben would be an asymetrical oval bowl.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 08 October | 17:24

I'd be a hassock.

posted by jonmc 08 October | 17:25

i'd be the spoonful of loganberry jam that they dollop onto your plate when you order the swedish meatballs in the cafeteria.

posted by syntax 08 October | 17:33

rhapsodie would be the shiny clock, maybe? jonmc is totally the $.99 bacon and eggs (I think) breakfast.

IKEA opens here on the 17th! Cannot wait!

posted by casarkos 08 October | 17:34

chuckdarwin would be a polished cube filing system, available in white, black, and silver.

mike9322 would be a 5 legged chair.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 08 October | 17:35

I suspect the dersins would be the pencil holder that only the dorky kids have.

posted by dersins 08 October | 17:36

I'd be a woven wall hanging with varying patterns in the weave, but all the same color.

posted by BoringPostcards 08 October | 17:37

Triode would be a stereo-component-holding wall unit with a retro design of brushed nickel and dark mahogany and glass doors.

Mudpuppie would be a pair of large fuzzy slippers.

Ramix would be bright, durable, large, nested silicone bowls in four colors.

Hadjiboy would be some sort of futon.

Elsa would be a large, heavy, asymmetrical glass flower vase in a light aqua color, with a heavy base.

Halonine would be a light fixture made of softly glowing concentric graduated circle-shaped flourescent tubes.

Iconomy (though they'd probably go with the "k" for Ikonomy) would be a deep red leather-like desk organizer.

posted by Miko 08 October | 17:41

Hugh Janus would be one of those ghost nightlights that glow when you press their heads.

posted by chuckdarwin 08 October | 17:42

Miko would be a super sharp chopping knife.

posted by rhapsodie 08 October | 17:43

Ethylene would be a cobalt glass martini shaker.

Kkokkodalk would be a free-standing coat rack.

This thread is a good time.

posted by box 08 October | 17:49

The Wendell
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by arse_hat 08 October | 17:51

box
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by arse_hat 08 October | 17:55

Kkokkodalk is possibly the most Ikea-y name of them all.

posted by Specklet 08 October | 18:05

Thank you, arse_hat, it IS me! Off-white, padded, old-fashioned and something that could never be put in a 'flat-pack'.

I hope you accept this 'arse_hat' in return in the spirit in which it is offered...
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by wendell 08 October | 18:15

The Mullacc would be a suitcase used to hold important documents.

posted by SassHat 08 October | 18:22

mike9322 would be a 5 legged chair.

*blink*

Say huh?

posted by mike9322 08 October | 18:36

I'm not sure Ikea would sell me.

posted by cortex 08 October | 18:40

O dunno. A cortex would be kind of like those clear plastic couch covers, right? And screw Ikea anyway, fuckin' yuppie mart.

posted by jonmc 08 October | 18:42

Ikea is hipsters. Crate and Barrel is the yuppies.

posted by casarkos 08 October | 18:53

I went to the one in Brum, and really liked it... but their plan to have you walk through the entire place on a little path (so you see it all) is a little irritating.

posted by chuckdarwin 08 October | 19:00

I would be the paper butt protector in the restroom. They make nice visors too.

posted by eekacat 08 October | 19:06

fuckin' yuppie mart.

Not particularly. Yuppies shop at Design Within Reach and the like. As casarkos says, Ikea's really for hipsters (i.e. aspirational yuppies) or folks on their way back down the economic ladder.

Jonathon Coulton put it best:

Ikea
Just some oak and some pine and a handful of norsemen
Ikea
Selling furniture to college kids and divorced men.

posted by dersins 08 October | 19:29

Clooney and I get our couch on a DWR, yo.

posted by mullacc 08 October | 19:34

*ahem* at DWR, YO!

posted by mullacc 08 October | 19:35

or folks on their way back down the economic ladder.

Or folks with small children who are holding off on buying "real" furniture until the kids are out of the jumping on stuff and smearing jelly everywhere phase. (Our rumpus room is pretty much all Ikea. I don't want to be one of those "Oh my god, no popsicles on my expensive sofa!" type moms.)

their plan to have you walk through the entire place on a little path (so you see it all) is a little irritating.

It is. But once you go there enough, you know how to escape the loop. Plus, they have a drop-off play area for the kids. I love any store with a drop-off area.

posted by jrossi4r 08 October | 19:45

Most likely, I would be eponysterical.

posted by plinth 08 October | 19:48

I guess I'm only a color that some of you other actual products would be available in.

posted by DarkForest 08 October | 19:50

What is this Ikea ye speak of? They don't grow here where I live.

posted by bunnyfire 08 October | 20:27

I'm usually on sale at Archie McPhee. But on special occasions, I can be found at Ikea as a lampshade.

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 08 October | 20:31

"... What would our users be if they were something sold at Ikea? ..."

I, for one, would be deeply disappointed in myself.

posted by paulsc 08 October | 20:52

I had (yes, had) to shop at IKEA on a wicked evil bleeding-eyeball hangover once. It was then that I decided that they should sell Valium at the end of the cheese maze(or, even better, at the beginning). They could put an umlaut over the 'i' to make it more IKEA-sounding, and it would be pronounced vah-LEE-um.

The lilywing would be the chair one would sink into as the valïum took hold.

posted by elizard 09 October | 01:38

There are certain items which are great to buy there. Crockery, for example, and cutlery.

posted by chuckdarwin 09 October | 04:52

Speaking of cutlery, utensils and the like.

posted by safetyfork 09 October | 05:15

Hadjiboy would be some sort of futon.

:)

posted by hadjiboy 09 October | 05:50

I'd be something like this - boring, but you can put all sorts of crap on me and I won't collapse.

posted by dg 09 October | 05:55

Speaking of cutlery, utensils and the like.

safetyfork, when I went there last, we got the Data cutlery and some great teacups/saucers for £1 each.

posted by chuckdarwin 09 October | 05:57

safetyfork - eponymous. Big silicone BBQ fork.

posted by Miko 09 October | 08:43

Hadjiboy would be some sort of futon.

Actually, I stopped at Ikea on my way home from work last night (yes, there's one on my daily route!) and it turns out there's something called HADJEBY. I can't find it on the website to show you, but it's a swivel chair.

I like the place. If you contempt-mongers think that makes me a downwardly mobile hipster or whatever, fine.

posted by tangerine 09 October | 12:12

I like the place, too, tangerine.

posted by deborah 09 October | 13:47

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