MetaChat - I Got a Hideous New Chair!

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06 October 2007

I Got a Hideous New Chair! Come inside and look at it. I want to do some stuff to make it even more hideous and I need your suggestions.

post by: mygothlaundry at: 13:16 | 31 comments

≡ Click to see image ≡
My current plan is to spraypaint it really glossy dark red, like barn red. But that might be too tasteful. What if I glue jewels all over it? Or decoupage? It's actually quite comfortable and it only cost $10 - now I want to gussy it up a bit because I love its hideousity so much.

posted by mygothlaundry 06 October | 13:19

I like the way you think!

Halloween chair: recover the cushions with flocked purple crushed velvet, and paint the chair black and then encrust it with silver studs or plastic spiders and glitter.

Throne chair: recover with red velvet seat, ermine fur trim, and lots of gold and jewels.

posted by iconomy 06 October | 13:26

dude, it is hideously awesome just the way it is. me, personally i'd clean it up and let it just rock its freakiness all by its lonesome. that upholstery is... omg.

omg.

that is awesome. reminds me of the faux-oriental bright metallic ORANGE sofa we had in cincinnati. god DAMN i miss that sofa. it was 7' long so you could stretch out all the way or seat 5 people on it, your choice. it was the most comfortably hideous piece of furniture i have ever owned, that plus its shimmery metallic awesome jacquard fabric included these tacky li'l scenes of chinese ladies and boats and bridges and shit. it had these awesome tasseled cylindrical bolsters on each end that you could beat the living shit outa your roommate / partner / partygoers with (we used to chase each other around with these things). and the piece de resistance was that it had this fugly dark wood crown molded awesomeness on the back. the fucking thing looked like it belonged in a bordello.

we put it on the kerb when we moved to Boulder. some muppet of a UC student probably burned it on their lawn or something.

posted by lonefrontranger 06 October | 13:26

I laughed out loud at essexjan's comment on the flickr page....

posted by iconomy 06 October | 13:29

How about some of that camouflage sticker stuff that people put on their trucks?

posted by box 06 October | 13:33

It's not such a bad chair. Yes, the upholstery fabric is a sin against any creature with eyes, but that could certainly be fixed. Sand it down, refinish it and make new cushions for it, it could be nice. It's kind of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree kind of chair.
(sorry, I'm listening to Emmylou Harris and it's made me a little sad and reflective)

posted by doctor_negative 06 October | 13:34

I know that chair! Our neighbors down the shore had that exact chair on their sun porch. They left it when they sold the house. I totally could have had it for FREE. Then me and MGL could have met in IRC and chatted on our matching Thrones of The Garish and it would have been a really special bond that only the two of us shared.

Damn.

posted by jrossi4r 06 October | 13:46

Aww, I actually like that chair.

posted by puke & cry 06 October | 15:02

Do. Not. Want.

(I'm old enough to remember when that was actually sold in respectable stores.)

posted by bunnyfire 06 October | 15:29

So you're telling us, bunnyfire, that that chair is anus? (If the reset of the MeFi-verse ever lets you forget that statement, I won't...)

Also, I'd just recommend using a little felt-tip pen to add little human figures to the bridge and other scenery printed on that chair. It's up to your imagination and good (or bad) taste what the little people should be doing.

posted by wendell 06 October | 15:36

Wendell, I remember when they used to furnish entire trailers in chairs and couches like this.

posted by chuckdarwin 06 October | 15:49

Ooh, or get a graffiti artist to do a medium-size piece on it. Do you have graffiti artists in Asheville?

posted by box 06 October | 16:21

Bedazzler.

[Just place, push, and pop!]

posted by mdonley 06 October | 16:30

NICE. A friend of mine brings this old pizacrap chair around with him whenever he and his band play a gig. It serves no purpose other than to occupy space-- no piece of equipment is set on it, and no band member ever sits in it. It just became habit, and you know what they say: out of habit comes awesome.

My vote: bring it with you to any event requiring chairs, and any even which doesn't. If only because when someone asks, you can claim "HEY. That's _my_ chair," or "well, yes, it _does_ have my name on it!"

But be sure to put yr name on it.

posted by herrdoktor 06 October | 16:40

Has anyone suggested duct tape yet?

posted by chewatadistance 06 October | 16:52

Yeah, the upholstery must stay, because it is so beeyoooteeeful. Unfortunately, as I have discovered this afternoon, it reeks. But the covers zip off, so I'm going to wash them and hope they survive the process.

posted by mygothlaundry 06 October | 17:24

I think it would be better to dry clean rather than wash.

posted by brujita 06 October | 17:31

Yeah, definitely don't put it in the dryer, but you probably already know this. I've washed things like this on the gentle cycle, but I would imagine putting it in the dryer would be a disaster. I can almost bet that it would shrink and fuzz like crazy.

Growing up we had a couch in the same vein, although no wood. We were in a trailer. If you wanted to kick the hideous factor up a notch, drape a throw over it.

posted by LoriFLA 06 October | 17:43

Amazing find, mgl, and awe-inspiring in its hideousity.

I think it would be better to dry clean rather than wash.

Probably, but wouldn't that double the cost of the chair?

posted by elizard 06 October | 17:56

Never underestimate the tastelessness of Barbie pink.

posted by mischief 06 October | 18:05

I like it. It kind of looks like a bunny in a briar patch. The pattern, I mean.

Jon's desk chair came from Goodwill some years ago, also $10. I loved it cause it reminded me of Captain Kirk's chair, Star Trek gold. We still call it the Kirk chair.

posted by Pips 06 October | 18:18

Adopt a steampunk look for the left side of the chair (gears, levers, etc.) so it looks like a La-Z-Boy version of the Terminator.

posted by Smart Dalek 06 October | 18:40

If barn red is in excessively good taste, you might apply black...paint? Something else? So that it appears to be a chair in which the previous occupant spontaneously combusted.

posted by ROU Xenophobe 06 October | 23:51

Hey, y'all, it's going to look AMAZING. I painted it red after all - candy apple red, high gloss, and I took the covers off the pillows and hand washed them. You would not believe how filthy they were - the water was black. They're drying in the sun along with the foam cushions: I rubbed them with febreze and baking soda and vinegar. I think someone sat in that chair for 30 straight years and smoked. Ewww. But it's all coming together, and when it's done, I think I'm going to glue clear round glass jewels to the arms. It's worth a lot now anyway - the cost of the paint made it almost triple in value.

posted by mygothlaundry 07 October | 11:38

You must post pictures when you're all done!

posted by redvixen 07 October | 16:36

I got nothing. There is nothing you can do to that chair to make it more hideous.

posted by dg 07 October | 17:41

≡ Click to see image ≡
Ta Da!

posted by mygothlaundry 07 October | 19:35

There is nothing you can do to that chair to make it more hideous.
I retract that statement.

posted by dg 07 October | 19:43

It looks so happy!

posted by jrossi4r 07 October | 22:13

Whoah!

You should make slipcovers for the cushions with this tattoo art fabric! Yes!

posted by taz 08 October | 00:29

I'd like to see a photo of a lizard sitting in that chair.

posted by Atom Eyes 08 October | 10:13

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