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27 September 2007

Things Not to Say On Your First Day of Work [More:]"It's only 3 o'clock?!? I feel like I've been here forever!" Do not say this at all, and especially do not say it if you arrived to the office at noon.
My worst one: at my first day of my first "real" job (which had a tech component to it) I had to ask another admin assistant how to turn on my PC.
posted by small_ruminant 27 September | 14:15
Hey, did you really get a job on The View?
posted by amro 27 September | 14:23
No, I didn't really get a job on "The View"! LOL. And I was so certain that comment was completely transparently ridiculous....
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 27 September | 14:27
On my third day at a job I had several years ago, I stepped on my editor's dog, who was in the office because he was sick and had to have medicine every few hours.

The editor is now one of my best friends, but I don't think her Shih Tzu ever really forgave me.
posted by brina 27 September | 14:59
It wasn't something I said, but what I did. The server was kept in my boss' office, behind some caution tape. I was sitting on a stool, and got off. Stool kicked back and landed smack on the rocker-style power button on the server.

I'm more careful getting off stools now.
posted by lysdexic 27 September | 16:19
Something else not to go on your first day: Do not browse your MySpace while the project I gave you sits incomplete.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 27 September | 16:28
"Dayum! Look at all the fine ladies workin' here. (Name in 3rd person) likee!"

"Who's down for a liquid lunch? Those mid-mornin' shakes sneak up on ya, eh?"

"Next time you're running pass the copier, can I get 300 copies of these? You're a doll!"

"Anyone have a Q-Tip?"
posted by Hellbient 27 September | 17:37
"I think I'll take a sickie tomorrow"
posted by dg 27 September | 17:39
"Well, there's the nigger in the woodpile!" (a former tech of mine discovers a problem in a server configuration - he lasted about a day and a half. This came from him at a client site.)
posted by disclaimer 27 September | 18:47
"Pull my finger."

"That one over there -- does she have a boyfriend?"

"Why is everyone so uptight around here, anyway?"
posted by jason's_planet 27 September | 20:01
"HI, my name is... and I have Bipolar Disorder."
posted by hadjiboy 27 September | 21:12
From a coworker who started about three weeks after I did, on his first day:

"When you smell me, do you think I smell more manly, or exotic?"
posted by SassHat 27 September | 21:48
"I can't come in tomorrow, because I need to do my laundry".

And yes, everything I've posted so far is the same person.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 27 September | 21:56
See, TPS, each one of those is what my old boss would refer to as a "career limiting move." Looking into my magic crystal (okay, 8-) ball, I'm failing to see a bright future for this person, somehow. Man, those things are uncanny.
posted by elizard 28 September | 03:36
"I got pulled over for speeding."

Think 'confiscated license' when applied to 'security badge issue'.
posted by mischief 28 September | 04:31
An aquaintance of mine was training a new person at her workplace. As his supervisor, she was mentoring this young and enthusiastic type boy. She was explaining some technical blahblah to him when he asked her if anyone in the office was "gay or retarded or anything"so he'd know who not to tell offensive jokes around.

Little did he know he was talking to the office lesbian with the mild mental illness.
posted by goshling 28 September | 08:50
"I guess we got on the smelly elevator, huh, boss?"
posted by Hugh Janus 28 September | 09:00
"Hey, you see that UFO over there? The one that looks just like a stapler?"
posted by Hellbient 29 September | 16:55
I just said "Oh, that sucks" to a nun. || 17 Pound Baby!!!!

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