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01 September 2007

Fuck you, high school kids (A letter from restaurant workers everywhere)→[More:] If you're going to try to put more than 10 people at a table, tell me exactly how fucking many there are of you. Yes, it matters. And if your friends are already here and seated, don't fucking try to just squeeze in with them, and don't act surprised if you can't sit with them. If they didn't tell me how many of you were coming (most likely, they didn't even know when I asked them) I didn't leave a spot for you. Just fucking wait for me to seat you. There are other people that have been waiting here longer than you have. It is a pain in the ass to deal with huge groups at the same table anyhow. If you sit in smaller groups, you'll get seated sooner, you'll get your food quicker, and you'll get better service.

The world does not revolve around you. And here's the shocker: it never fucking will.

And for fuck's sake, leave a good tip after we busted our asses trying to fit you all together and serve 25 of you at once.

Fuck you very much,
The People Who Make and Serve Your Food

P.S. - We don't do anything nasty to your food even if you deserve it, but other places aren't so nice, asshole. Just have some fucking respect, and you won't have to worry about it.

post by: kyleg at: 01:55 | 12 comments

So kyleg, we can put you down on the side of anti ad hoc group dining?

posted by Mitheral 01 September | 02:45

Put me down for that. I have a vague personal rule about going out to a restaurant with no more than 4 people, but it tends to get broken too often.

posted by mullacc 01 September | 03:04

o.O

for what it's worth, table service places here in CO have a gratuity law; they'll tack on 18% to the bill for parties of 6 or 8 or more, can't remember what the break point is.

dunno if that requires a state law or what. Most places won't even seat a table of more than ten or a dozen without a reservation, and there are several who make you wait in the lounge until your whole party shows up, or cancels, or whatever. The manager of the place I worked at in Ohio (this was years ago, mind) also would have thrown the lot of these kids out on their asses for that kind of shit. Doesn't matter if it's a several hundred dollar bill (with high school kids, I'd imagine it wasn't cos at least half of them only ordered sodas or waters or some shit like that, right?). That kind of nonsense sets a precedent that no one at any table service restaurant ever wants to relive. There are many table service places along the casino routes here in CO that have signs at the entrances stating "NO BUSSES" and I'll leave you to draw the conclusions why.

Table service is for the civilised. Unwashed savages can eat fast food or buffet.

posted by lonefrontranger 01 September | 08:56

HOST WHERE KYLEG WORKS:
"How many in your party?"

HIGH SCHOOL KIDZ:
"Um, I don't...know? Maybe 5 or 10. No wait.."

HOST:
"I see you've run out of fingers. Smoking or non?"

H.S.K.:
"SMOKING!"

HOST:
"Lovely. Cassandra - have the plastic bubble placed around Table 5, won't you? Thanks."

H.S.K:
"AWESOME!"

HOST:
"Washed or unwashed?"

H.S.K: (pause)
"UNWASHED!"

Host pulls out gigantic garden hose from behind the station, and sprays down entire HSK party out of the foyer and out into the parking lot.

HOST:
"There's a 30 minute wait. Is that okay? No? Well, I'm sure Denny's across the street is still open."

HOST AT DENNY'S (looking out at KyleG's parking lot)
"I fucking hate that guy."

posted by Lipstick Thespian 01 September | 09:31

As someone who once got kicked out of Denny's with a group of 12 kids for competitively hanging spoons on our noses in a booth made for 8 people, let me just take this moment to apologize.

posted by miss lynnster 01 September | 10:07

I am ashamed (almost) to admit that I was an idiotic High School Kid. But I'm sure we were much more charming and fun than these kids. I'm totally positive. Or maybe we were still drunk?

Either way, sorry for being such a punk.

If it makes anyone feel any better, I've paid my dues by working as a waiter and bartender for years.

posted by fenriq 01 September | 11:46

The places where we did this in high school were happy to have 12-15 customers in a night, so they didn't complain. We didn't do stupid shit like that at busier places.

posted by me3dia 01 September | 12:26

I was one of the few kids who was aware of how annoying we were being when doing stuff like that. I'd always try and leave a big(ger) tip and help clean up a little before we left and apologize to the servers. I never got the thrill of making huge messes of the table, either.

posted by CitrusFreak12 01 September | 16:34

CitrusFreak, yeah, me too. A bunch of us punks used to hang out in a diner in downtown nowheresville drinking coffee and eating fries, but we really appreciated their tolerance of our ad hoc ongoing caffeine festival: The manager came up to our table once and told us about a woman who had been making nasty comments about us obviously antisocial types. His response? "Those kids are our regulars. They tip well, treat our place with respect, and spend enough money here that they're our bread and butter. If you don't like it, you can leave." I'll never forget that. But it was definitely the exception, and I feel your pain, kyleg.

posted by elizard 01 September | 19:38

One thing that's great in Greece is that most regular restaurants are... um... Greek-style, which means that the table just orders a bunch of dishes, everyone gets a small plate and silverware, and everyone shares everything. Waiters bring out dishes on the fly - whatever's up gets brought out to the table, and the table orders more things as needed. The waiter just sets whatever's ordered on the table, and the diners go about distributing it around. If more people show up, another chair gets squeezed in, or another table added, and more plates are brought out.

In the end, the table gathers up the money and leaves the total - no separate bills, no separate serving, no hassle, and no complaints about adding more people to the party. If service is slow (which it rarely is), nobody cares - everybody is just drinking and talking.

Of course, there are more formal dining options, but taverna-style is the most popular, and very relaxed.

posted by taz 02 September | 05:36

Oh, and as for tips... no tipping necessary because the tip is built in (though a lot of people often leave something anyway), and so no such thing as the waiter being stiffed.

posted by taz 02 September | 05:41

And... I have to add, there's no bookkeeping going on in the group; nobody's scrutinizing the bill and going "oh, well, I didn't have any of the octopus, so I'm going to pay for 1/6 of the salads, the calamari, and the fries - nothing like that. If someone doesn't have money, they might say "I'm broke, so I think I'll just have a beer", and then someone else will insist on paying their part, or the whole table will insist... and when it comes to pitching in, everyone is more likely to throw in too much instead of too little. Whoever is good at it usually takes it upon themselves to gather up the cash, and give back to people who put too much in. It's really nice. I love that.

posted by taz 02 September | 05:53

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