MetaChat - Online dating question

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08 August 2007

Online dating question What's the polite way to tell people you're not interested? →[More:]especially when you don't have a better reason than "you exude skeezy vibes"?

I posted an ad yesterday. I got 6 nice responses back, including a polite request to join someone's threesome. And not a single cock shot. Amazing.

post by: small_ruminant at: 12:35 | 21 comments

For skeezy vibes, I'd just ignore.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 08 August | 12:37

Eh, it seems rude to just blow someone off when they haven't done anything overtly obnoxious.

posted by small_ruminant 08 August | 12:39

Yep, just ignore. It's not rude. It's online dating.

posted by Hugh Janus 08 August | 12:44

Just say that you were flattered by the response, and that at this time it does not seem like a *fit*. They might persist, and, if so, then you get a bit more direct.

I have scant experience, but, at least for a guy, online dating has to be like looking for a job. You need to cast a bunch of stuff out there, and not take any rejections personally.

Good luck, and yeah, I woulda jumped on your ad, if location, marital status, etc etc were a bit different.

posted by danf 08 August | 12:44

You could write back and explain to them that their response seems really crazy. But I can't imagine they'd really care. Nor should they. For somewhere out there, on an alternate Mecha, some woman is sighing, Man, 6 responses to my ad, and not one of them even slightly weird! Guess I'll keep dreaming of my Prince Creepy....

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 08 August | 12:45

There's no need to be excessively polite. They know online dating is a numbers game. You can safely ignore (they'll get the picture, they probably sent 20 of those emails last night), or if you want to be pleasant, a simple "Thank you for writing. I'm not interested right now, but thank you for getting in touch and good luck."

posted by Miko 08 August | 12:46

And not a single cock shot.

I'd ask for my money back.

posted by essexjan 08 August | 12:56

Huh. Most people I know who send out "oh hey" responses to ads never expect a response back. Ignoring is fine.

posted by stynxno 08 August | 12:56

Just be polite and leave no possible interpretation other than finality. "Thanks for writing, but I don't think we'd click. Happy Hunting."

(On preview: IMO not responding at all is a tacit encouragement of the carpet-bombing response technique. A thousand "no" answers might dissuade or dishearten someone enough to modify their approach, whereas a thousand silences offers no feedback, and does nothing to change the equation of the "numbers game".)

posted by Triode 08 August | 12:58

So respond with a thousand separate "no's."

posted by Hugh Janus 08 August | 13:01

I'm going to go with Triode's suggestion.

Any other advice or suggestions?

Triode, thank you again for the camera delivery. Next meet up drinks are on me.

posted by small_ruminant 08 August | 13:09

Go with Triode's method, yes. Some guys will write you back with an "Aw, too bad" or something, to which you should not respond. If they persist beyond one "gimme another chance" email, then be more firm, I'd say.

posted by mrmoonpie 08 August | 13:16

Unfortunately, there are plenty of meatheads out there upon whom firmness is wasted effort. Use a freshly created email account that you don't mind walking away from; sometimes your only option is to leave and nuke 'em from orbit.

posted by Triode 08 August | 13:54

If they seem decent and civilized but not a fit, a quick polite "no thanks" with no further follow-up is fine. If they are skeevy, ignore.

posted by matildaben 08 August | 14:27

bah- too late for that Triode, although I am using a pseudonymic account. (is that a word?)

Okay- so "no thanks" is polite enough?

posted by small_ruminant 08 August | 14:31

Triode, your points on the simple "no" are great.

posted by Miko 08 August | 15:00

And having established myself as the online dating authority, I'm now inviting y'all to my eventual wedding. I'm coming up on my first-dating-anniversary with The One, we've talked about it, and it's only a matter of scheduling now. :-)

posted by Triode 08 August | 20:06

Congrats, Triode! I've already told the story about how I met the lovely and mysterious MrsMoonPie.

posted by mrmoonpie 08 August | 21:46

Yay Triode! The future Mrs. Triode is awesomeness personified.

posted by mudpuppie 08 August | 21:47

woohoo!!! Congratulations, Triode!

posted by small_ruminant 08 August | 22:31

Congrats!!! That's wonderful, because you're both wonderful! Yay!

posted by occhiblu 09 August | 18:00

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