I'm about to ask my therapist the same thing this morning. No tools, just talking about my feelings a lot, which I can do with friends, and they'll hug me afterwards.

yeah, seriously, Lynn.

I'm thinking of giving her the sack by text message, so I don't need to get my arse downtown for early fucking o'clock this Friday.

Take a deep breath, yes from what you describe I would be on meds, just until you can register with a GP and get CBT sessions. Please do this as a matter of urgency. I don't think you're well enough to stop the sessions.

The feeling you're describing of wanting to diappear into a safe hole where you can lick your wounds is clinical depression and should be treated as such. You should not be exposed to such a toxic work enviorment while your head is in this space, but what are your realistic options?
Getting a GP to sign you off work for a while so you can start to heal is the first thing I want you to do.
Nothing on this planet is worth your mental health, no job, nothing.

You know I care. Hope to see you Fri/Say/Sun to give you huge hugs and lots of love. we'll be fringing with Sue in Edinburgh.

I used to work as a therapist, so granted I have my biases, but god, yes, I strongly believe people should be able to leave their *first* session with some concrete next steps/actions figured out. I'm frustated by my ignorance of the British mental health system, but if you're in a position to shop around, you might want to look for someone who indicates they use a solution-oriented or cognitive-behavioural approach; both of those focus on finding things you can do right away to relieve the pain and distress you're clearly feeling, so you can get more solid while you consider things like meds and life changes or whatever.

On preview, seconding what Wilder says.

Keep us posted, stay in touch.

So very sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice, but do want you to know that you have friends here and a safe place to talk.

I was in therapy for 3 years, the last two because my therapist would not "let" me leave. I became convinced that he just wanted the time filled up and the hourly fee.

It's a source of personal shame for me that I could not break away.

That said, yes, try to get help other places. As far as this medium goes, I think that we are here for you as much as possible.

((hug))

Wilder's advice is terrific. Additionally, you can almost definitely get your doctor -- once you get a GP and then eventually a psychiatrist -- to write HR and tell them that you need, say, two weeks off from work because of illness. And if your company is worth its salt, you may even be able to take paid time off. You can use up your sick days and combine them with personal and vacation days, if you have them.

I've been in this place, and it's a bad place, and I'm sorry you're there now. But the first and most important thing is for you to take care of yourself. If you can't afford (financially) to take time off from work, are you at a point where you can't afford (mentally) not to take time off?

CBT has helped me immensely, but even so I've found times (like now!) when I just couldn't work. Maybe you can talk with your wife about possible temporary solutions?

(PS. A mental health situation is an emergency when you feel like it's an emergency, and sometimes before that.)

I don't know you, but ((hugs)) anyway.

Another yes to medication, but do do the research on what they give you without just taking it. If nothing else doing something concrete and being informed will make you feel more in control.
i don't know what's wrong without your counsellor but i think it's probably best to have another one ready before you set this one off to drift at sea.
i don't know what it's like there but you should definitely find a better counsellor if this one isn't working for you but then you might not be in the best frame of mind to rate them or fine one so ask for help from local resouces or your counsellor. If they can't handle that then, well, it's not your problem.

Another agreement with Wilder but you have sounded like you been having the extreme sensitivity of depression for a while now and that things are too loud, too harsh, too much--
TAKE A BREAK.
i don't know how you've been restoring yourself to shore up for what sounds like a regularly shattering experience for you but
TAKE A BREAK.

Best of luck and
TAKE A MENTAL HEALTH RESTORATIVE HOLIDAY (BREAK).

I also agree with Wilder.

It sounds like you've got an unfortunate combination of depression and anxiety, something I'm familiar with. I know how tough it can be. Meds can help, keep seeing your therapist, and hang in there.

I'm so sorry, btgog. I don't have therapy advice but I completely understand the rest.

Can you get outdoors for a half a day? Someplace green and unmanicured- no concrete- with critters whose lives are completely independent from yours? Just watching the chipmunks or blue jays for a couple hours sometimes helps me get centered enough to function.

My therapist's response? He works organically, and I think that's supposed to mean that we'll get around to solving the problems when I'm ready to (which actually goes hand-in-hand with how I normally operate). I told him that before my birthday next year, I want to eliminate the need to go to a therapist.

So everyone's on the right page, at least over here.

Person-centered therapy isn't really about giving you tools, per se, as much as it is about helping you discover your own inner resilience and resources and gain confidence in, and respect for, yourself.

But your therapist may be able to give you tools, if that's what you want; a person-centered therapist would pretty much, by definition, be waiting on your cues. Have you talked about this with her?

If you have, and she can't give you what you want or need, then I think it's valid to look for other therapists. But I would talk to her about it first.

At what point is a mental health situation an emergency?

A therapist I had in Ohio, many years ago, used to ask me a series of questions about suicide any time I seemed to hint around it. He'd ask me point blank if I was going to kill myself, and if I had any specific plans about how I'd do it if I was. At the time, I was a mess, and the answer to both questions was more yes than no, but I told him no because I knew if I said yes he'd likely stick me in the hospital, which I didn't want. Seems like a lifetime ago now. (Things can and do get better, much better.)

I'm not a doctor, certainly, but if you are suicidal, and especially if you do have any kind of specific plan, tell your therapist, who may not realize how bad you're feeling. If the threat is immediate, you can call your therapist and tell her it's an emergency, or go to a hospital emergency room. Here, in the states, I think a job can't fire you and has to give you the time you need if you're in treatment for mental health; I don't know if there are such protections in England. But the first priority is to take care of yourself. Also, if your doctor is recommending medication, I'd strongly consider taking it. To me, it's no different than taking thyroid medication or insulin if you need it. Anxiety and clinical depression are medical as well as psychological conditions. Medication can save you a lot of suffering, and may be the only way to aleviate some depressions/anxiety disorders (studies show that medication still works best in combination with talk therapy, though, better than either one alone). Course, I never did fill the prescription for Zoloft they gave me, but who knows, it might have saved me a lot of grief. (I'm something of a martyr myself.)

{{{hugs}}}

I'm not sure what's going to give you the most mental relief, but I don't think you should worry too much about shopping around. CBT sounds like it could be good for you but if it doesn't work don't be scared to try different things. Different things work for different people in different situations - I think it's a matter of matching your pain to a treatment. Try 'em all and go back to the ones that do the most good. (Note: The ones that do the most good are NOT necessarily the ones that you like the most)

I'm normally pretty anti-medication, but I can see how it could work for you and your anxiety and depression. You should see a doctor.

As much as you want to work in areas you care passionately about, I'm not sure that it's something that works for you. I'd much rather see you in a job where you didn't give a shit. In this situation, you could focus that caring passion you have at the areas you really care about in a way that you control. You won't have as much short term impact, but it may mean that you can sustain it for longer and possibly make more of a difference. YOU'RE NOT SUPERWOMAN.

Finally, I think there are people that find comfort and benefit in discussing and analysing their problems and there are people for whom discussing and analysing equivalent problems is harmful. I don't know where you are on this particular continuum but it's something you could consider.

Know that people care about you, that you're a good person, Also know that you're a person & you probably come with all the contradictions, weirdness, fragility, history and downright confusing shit that all people are born into.

And good luck. And more {{{hugs}}}

b.t.w.
You said: Is there somewhere, in the Western world and culture, that people go that can't fit into society

I can't fit into society. I pretend really well, and nobody notices it but me, but really I can't fit in.
The same goes for a much, much larger section of society than would admit it.

You can walk into any G.P surgery and ask for to register as a temporary resident. They should be able to give you an appointment to see a doctor swiftly if you explain your situation. The G.P will be able to sign you off work for an appropriate period of time even if you are not fully registered.

Many surgeries have Counsellors or Community Psychiatric Nurses too, who can provide you with some immediate help, which could tide you over until you can get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. The waiting list for referrals can be long here. Medication, might just give you the break you need from the overwelming desire to hide yourself away. I would be tempted to ditch the therapist, £40 is a lot to pay for something that isn't giving you the help you need.

A big hug to you :)

I can't fit into society. I pretend really well, and nobody notices it but me, but really I can't fit in.
The same goes for a much, much larger section of society than would admit it.

That IS society!

Grace, hang in there. I agree with everyone upthread, but also have patience; four sessions isn't all that many and you may still be digging around in yourself before hitting on the nuggets that you're really going to want to focus on. If you have goals for therapy or you're worried it's not going anywhere, that's okay to talk about too. Just ask. I hope you feel better soon.

Never did I realize that "needing to retreat to a safe hole and lick your wounds" feeling was clinical depression. I thought it was just exhaustion. I feel like that a lot.

Person centred therapy. four sessions in, no tools yet to deal with stuff better, forty quid a session.→[More:]

I'm thinking of going on medication.

Person-centered therapy, if memory serves, doesn't focus on tools for coping.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy might be more in line with what you're looking for.

You seem to be having a lot of intense pain and anxiety that is interfering with your daily life. Maybe a slow, gradual actualization of your potential as a human being isn't quite what you need right now.

In any event, don't be afraid to end the therapy -- or to mention these issues to your current shrink. If it's not getting you what you need, you have to move on. Maybe she could provide a referral to a cognitive-behavioral therapist? Or whoever would dispense medications in the UK?

((BTGOG))

Hang in there. You will overcome this. You are bigger than your fears. You are bigger than any self-doubting internal voices. You can, and will, overcome this.

Girlie, if I could do it, so can you.

BTGoG, do let us know how it is going. I'm on the end of a phone anytime. will mail you

((((hugs))))