You know what? I even smile WAY too much (and constantly till my face hurts) to put strangers at ease, and I have trouble just walking away from a group and making a cellphone call or being alone or reading.

Gawd. I'm a total misanthrope yet a people-pleaser.

I can accomplish ironic idiocy of which others can only dream.

Be too tired or too distracted or too something to care about how you look or act, so you cannot be distracted from being your default self, good or bad.

Personally, i need new people and new things, and, hey, i'm all ready to fly away or bus it somewhere, maybe meet bunnies or just leave myself in the unknown--
Just be and see what happens unless you have a goal in mind.
Maybe we should both pool it to Canada, or i so many other things i would type out properly once i find a shirt to pll on.
What are you looking for and what do you want?

It is so good i haven't drunk dialing numbers at the ready. But i think i have freeish long distance! Who wants to chat?

Thanks eth! Toronto sounds good. I'll e-mail you soon!

Is your internet connection solved then?
i feel like we should all just jump on a chatline.
*runs to get more clothed*

I just get people talking about themselves, then relax and let them take over.

but, in the big picture of the World and the Earth and human "society," I'm a great huge cynical bleak misanthrope, even regarding myself.

Oh, then the thing that puts me at ease among strangers might work for you.

If I start worrying what kind of impression I'm making with new people, I remember that they aren't actually paying all that much attention to me. As long as I don't behave badly or spill my coffee on them, they probably won't notice if I'm anxious.

That helps me calm down. That, and remembering to breathe deeply.

Does it help to know that many people experience the same nervousness? When I'm put in this position, I try to embrace it despite my thumping heart. It usually pays off.

At a recent party held in a restaurant, I had a choice between trying to squeeze an extra chair in next to the two people I knew in the entire place, or taking a vacant seat across the room at a table full of strangers who clearly knew each other well. I decided to take the vacant seat, chatted, swallowed my anxiety, and had a good time. My sister-in-law told me the next day how impressed her friends were with my courage at braving a bunch of strangers.

That sounds silly, but it felt good. And it reminded me that other people understand that nervousness and are usually kind.

If I start worrying what kind of impression I'm making with new people, I remember that they aren't actually paying all that much attention to me. As long as I don't behave badly or spill my coffee on them, they probably won't notice if I'm anxious.

Usually they're drowning in their own anxiety. Or didn't you notice? Turns out, as a species, we hide it well. Keep up the good work, and stop overthinking.

Yay! Come to Toronto to see meeee!

Shane: When amongst strangers, listen intently and ask people questions about themselves. They will nearly immediately find you to be the most fascinating creature on the face of the earth. Let someone who's loud and crazy do all the hustling for cheap laughs. You'll be the dude who everyone goes home saying, "What does that Shane fellow do again? Remarkably sharp, that one."

Thanks all!

Great stuff, Elsa. Good point, Eideteker.

SassHat and jrossi, cool! ... are you counsellors? You should be. That's a tenet of counselling. Get 'em to talk. Listen. Occasionally repeat something a person says so they know you're listening. Rephrase what they say in terms of how they're feeling:

"Dammit, and then my [coworker/SF/mother/whoever] said [blahdyblah]..!

"So, you're feeling frustrated with [etc]..?

[Person comes to grips with his/her emotions, magic occurs, etc.]

SassHat, we'll let you know when the Toronto thing happens. Mini-MeCha-Meetup!

eth, I had to install a new modem. Kid at Micro-Center said, "I haven't seen one of these in years." I said, "I wish!" Now I'm playing catchup, mostly with my MeCha emcee!