MetaChat - MOTHERFUCKING CAB DRIVERS

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13 July 2007

MOTHERFUCKING CAB DRIVERS (ESTÁ UNA PÁGINA GRITANDO) →[More:]

Dude, what the fuck? It is 4:45 in the morning. Do NOT honk your horn. At all. For any reason. (Seriously, the dispatcher asked me how much he was using the horn. Enough to wake me up out of a sound sleep, you fucker of your own mother, and that's all you need to know). Next time I'm going down with a baseball bat and I will start fucking your cab up until you drive off and lose your fare, you fat fuck.

Shit, I've got to drive down to NYC tonight to dispose of my father's ashes. I NEED MY FUCKING SLEEP.

(you will have to imagine the CAPS; it's too early in the morning for me.)

It's bad enough there's b-boys driving their riced-out $500-car-with-$7000-worth-of-parts-and-bodywork what's-a-muffler? pieces of shit junk hoopdies up and down the block til the wee hours, then I get woken up by huge freakin' industrial commercial trucks (and I mean the big ones; there's apparently a tree service right down the block) idling at 140-frickin-jet-engine decibels outside my window. Seriously, this apartment would be awesome if it weren't for the noise. And I don't mean the gentle sussurations of a background kind of noise, nor a constant urban hubbub. I mean noise as in "loud enough to make you go deaf over time 100+ dB shit I don't need to be hearing jackin my sleep and fucking with my REM just because I like fresh air and open windows" noise.

post by: Eideteker at: 04:29 | 10 comments

N@'s wishlist:
+ a Louisville slugger (to replace the last one that was stolen out of the trunk of my car)
+ a decent† air rifle (†capable of pinging a windshield a city block away)
+ a cone of silence (big enough to cover a city block)
+ a directional EMP gun capable of hosing a car's electronics (permanently or temporarily)

I've got a machete, but A) it's not been sharpened, B) that's escalating things to a far-too-violent level before they've already started, and C) I'm looking to do blunt force trauma to a vehicle, not slashing damage.

Dear Santa MeCha, I've been a good boy all year and haven't gone on any rampages or beaten the shit out of any motherfuckers, deserving or not, no matter how hard my patience has been tested. Won't you please grant me the gift of smiting all my enemies in the most painful ways possible? Thx.

Luv Timmy, age 6, Dubuque, Iowa.

posted by Eideteker 13 July | 04:37

I'm debating going in to work now (yes, 6AM) so I can leave recockulously early in the afternoon to get ready for this evening. I mean, I'm awake now. At least then I can come home and nap (and miss most of the commuter traffic).

GRRR!

posted by Eideteker 13 July | 04:51

On the up-side, at least I actually have time for breakfast this morning.

*stops, smells roses*
*scratches balls idly*
*looks around to make sure no one's watching*
*pisses on roses*
*waits on a nearby park bench for next fucker who stops to get a rude surprise when he smells them*

posted by Eideteker 13 July | 05:00

Whatever. I just noticed it's Friday the 13th, my lucky day. Ain't nothin gonna break my stride today.

posted by Eideteker 13 July | 05:47

I'm sorry about the cab, and the difficult task you have to do tonight. If it helps, you're a good, very funny writer when you're pissed off.

posted by By the Grace of God 13 July | 07:11

I JUST BOUGHT THAT FUCKING CAR LAST WEEK! I KILL YOUR FUCKING CAR, MAN! I KILL YOUR FUCKING CAR!

posted by Hugh Janus 13 July | 08:03

A cab driver grabbed my boob once, as I rode by his taxi on a bike. He timed it just right. He seemed to be very good at boob-grabbing.

Eideteker, are you gonna pull a Britney on the cab?

posted by iconomy 13 July | 08:03

I'm convinced that all people who have to work in the middle of the night make as much noise as possible. Garbage collectors, Taxi drivers, paper delivery people.

And on my day off? The fucking leaf blower guys outside my apartment.

posted by birdherder 13 July | 11:06

Oye, si esta es una pagina gritanDo entonces poR que no estamos gritando?

PUES ASI GRITO YO EN CASTELLANO. ASI, VES? ME OYES?

fUCK, WHERE ARE THE UPSIDE DOWN QUESTION MARKS WHEN YOU NEED THEM!

posted by Wilder 13 July | 14:20

If it helps, you're a good, very funny writer when you're pissed off.

Yes, that does help! Unless it encourages me to get pissed off more often, in which case it might not help my general mood over time.

posted by Eideteker 13 July | 16:44

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