MetaChat - How do you feel about fidgeting?

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27 June 2007

How do you feel about fidgeting? Because it's driving me crazy.→[More:]Maybe I'm being all crazy about this - feel free to tell me so, please. Here's the situation:

When people have an inability to sit still, but instead must twitch and fidget and make little tapping noises - IT MAKES ME CRAZY.

I have one very close friend who is CONSTANTLY shaking/bouncing her leg. Part of the problem is that I have a hard time believing that she is completely unaware and unable to stop this, which she has claimed before. But mostly it just bothers me. I find myself having to adjust my seat so that I can't see her lower half when we're out. I've gotten to the point where I've had to leave the room because it annoyed me so much. Is it really that hard to sit still, or to notice that you aren't sitting still, but shaking restlessly? Or is my friend just enjoying a carefully cultivated neurotic twitch?

Other friends of mine have similar habits, such as tapping on the table, or tapping their feet, etc. I don't mind that people have to fidget or shift in their seats - I do this when I'm nervous or loaded up on caffeine - but the jittery, shaky tapping just makes me lose my shit. I remember as a kid going nuts when my siblings (who all have a lot of nervous energy, it would seem) would do things like throw a tennis ball against the wall repeatedly for hours.

Why can't people just be still? Is it so wrong to wish for this? Am I the one who's crazy? Or do I just know some wacky people?

post by: SassHat at: 21:21 | 16 comments

hm. i can't offer anymore constructive advise than this:

do not, ever, date a drummer.

posted by lonefrontranger 27 June | 21:39

I have the same problem, SassHat, but I think we may be in the minority.

Riding the train drives me nuts because of all the fidgety people.

posted by brina 27 June | 21:53

I'm a fidgeter. Shaking legs, tapping toes, rocking back and forth. I'm sorry. All my extra energy has to go somewhere, or I might blow up.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 27 June | 21:58

I'm a lifelong fidgeter, but if there's music I can hear (either in the environment or in my headphones), I don't fidget. When I was in school I was the kid who would be tapping out made-up drum solos on the back of your desk because my brain was feeding-back or something in all the silence... sorry about that. (I'm not a musician, FWIW.)

posted by BoringPostcards 27 June | 22:11

I also do the leg-shaking thing without realizing I'm doing it.

posted by BoringPostcards 27 June | 22:11

I'm a leg-shaker as well. And a toe tapper. And a rocking-back-and-forth-er. I often don't know I'm doing it until my boyfriend puts his hand on my knee. I am a musician. I don't know why I do it.

posted by rhapsodie 27 June | 22:31

Inverterate tapper, whistler, drummer.

posted by doctor_negative 27 June | 22:35

I used to do all that stuff when I was in elementary school/junior high.

Especially the leg shakey things. I blame my ADD/ADHD.

At some point in time, it all stopped, and now the only thing I do when I'm idle is drum on my laptop or whatever.

posted by CitrusFreak12 27 June | 23:17

I have the strong feeling guys wiggle their leg in the subway/bus to get women to look at them.

posted by brujita 28 June | 00:06

This is funny, because of something I just found out. John Barrowman is the Scotland-born, America-raised actor on Doctor Who and highly-regarded West End stage star with a great singing voice. He plays this annoyingly self-confident character on Who and his own spin-off, Torchwood, and he's been nude both for the TV shows and on stage in London (night after night, naturally). Yet when he hosted a TV morning program and was a guest on Charlotte Church's show (NSFW -- yes, she's all grown up and a bit raunchy, so have your soul crushed now), he couldn't stop bouncing his leg. The camera didn't know whether to focus on it or cut away.

Anyway, happens to everyone I guess.

posted by stilicho 28 June | 00:10

Science says fidgeting is good for you: it burns calories and keeps you slimmer. Stop complaining and start figeting.
In body language terms, leg shaking is a suppressed flight gesture, subconsciously indicating that you want to run away. You could point out to your friend that she's rudely revealing her urge to run, run, run
away from this boring conversation.

posted by TheophileEscargot 28 June | 01:03

A bouncing leg is the least of Mr Barrowman's eccentricities.

posted by chuckdarwin 28 June | 07:17

Personally, I think it's good to learn to get over that. What worked for me was... yoga. I started taking it like ten years ago and at first it was EXCRUCIATING. I had to learn how to be still. And calm. For like, 90 minutes with other people surrounding me. But after I got used to it, I found I really liked how peaceful it felt.

Now I'll go out to dinner with my sister and her son and they have to pull out video games and knitting and whatever, they cannot just BE, they ALWAYS need distraction. They can't even carry on a conversation without doing something else simultaneously or shuffling around. Watching them, I'm really thankful that I am not that way anymore. I can sit still and just stare at a tree and the sky for 15 minutes and really enjoy myself. And I can actually concentrate on one thing or listen to someone and stay completely calm. Also, I don't bounce my foot all over the place anymore. It's a good thing for me.

posted by miss lynnster 28 June | 10:43

Is it really that hard to sit still, or to notice that you aren't sitting still, but shaking restlessly?

Yes, it is. I'm a leg-shaker and sometimes people I barely know will suddenly grab my knee roughly and say 'STOP!' Sorry, I really didn't realize I was doing it. After it's pointed out to me, I can *usually* stop for the rest of the interaction.

I can sit still and just stare at a tree and the sky for 15 minutes and really enjoy myself.

I can do this too...if I'm alone.

posted by danostuporstar 28 June | 10:50

Better a leg-shaker than a pants-shitter, I always say.

posted by Hugh Janus 28 June | 10:55

I'm good at tuning out fidgeting (not the person, but the action). Me, I'm a rocker. It's subtle, but it's there.

posted by deborah 28 June | 14:11

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