First the sister update.

The deadbeat boyfriend is no longer living at her house. Police were involved, I believe. My sister is, at last, on medication for her depression, but I found out today that she took an overdose on Saturday. I spoke to her yesterday and she said she felt ill, had been throwing up and was staying in bed all day but at the doctor's today she fessed up.

He sent her to hospital where they've done some tests to see if there's any liver damage. Yes, you've guessed it - she took paracetamol, amongst other things. I once saw a friend die an agonising death after waking up from a suicide attempt, glad it hadn't succeeded, only to die slowly over the next three weeks from liver failure brought on by the paracetamol. I think if the hospital had found any liver damage they'd have her in by now flushing her through so I hope it wasn't enough to have caused any damage.

Although she got paid yesterday, she has no money in the bank because she was so far into overdraft all her wages have gone. Her mortgage is due on 1 July and she has no money to pay it.

Oh, and it gets worse. The ex-boyfriend phoned up her employers and told them she'd been smoking drugs (not sure what, but I know she doesn't smoke cigarettes, so it's unlikely to have been weed or hash). She's got two jobs - one in a school and one in a nursing home - both jobs are now in jeopardy.

It's her birthday this Friday so I'm driving up for the day. I told her to make sure she has all her bank statements and other papers ready and I'll go through her finances and see what she can cut back on. She gets sick pay from her main job, but not from the weekend job in the nursing home, so if she can cover the mortgage and bills, she should be ok until she can get a bit of breathing space. There's around £40,000 equity in her house so if she has to move somewhere cheaper, she's got a decent chunk of money to put into a more manageable property.

This won't be a social visit, it's a damage limitation exercise, as well as an attempt to persuade her to give up her blind Springer Spaniel to a shelter. He's only 3 years old and, since her husband left, the poor dog's effectively been living in a cage because she can't manage him. The dachshunds aren't such a problem, they're little enough to get sufficient exercise running round her little garden, but it's cruel on the Springer for him not to be exercised, and of course the lack of it then makes him manic.

Now, for the much more interesting ... (to me anyway)

Training Update

I trained 5 out of 7 days last week, mostly weights with a little cardio work (power walking, which I hope to be able to ratchet up to a jog next week) and today I doubled the weights on my dumbells. They are still girly-light to the extent that I'm embarrassed to say what weight is on them, but it's progress, right?

Diet has been grand. A Myoplex shake for breakfast, cottage cheese, banana, seeds during the day and miso soup with linseed followed by fish or turkey with veg for dinner. High protein, low carb, healthy, healthy, healthy. I've also (sob!) lost my taste for coffee and am drinking mostly water.

I need to up the training, so on Wednesday when I'm at the gym I'll post a notice on the board asking if there's someone who'd like to partner me with weight-training. Then I'll use the weights room at the gym, which is a little scary to me at the moment.

So... that's my news. What's new with you?

You are such a wonderful person, jan, and your sister is lucky to have a sister like you.

Wow Jan, your sister sounds to be in dire straits. Here's hoping it is indeed the bottom for her and she will be able to turn it around.

Weights etc: Just make sure you go slowly! Who cares if it's an ounce or a ton - it's what you can handle that counts. I started with 3 pounders, which is pretty damn girly wimpy! if you're upping it too soon, an injury will set you back to 0. Still everyone's different, I just know that being over 40 (me), I've been really careful to up it slowly and stretch b/c it takes weeks for pulled tendons and ligaments & such to heal.

Good for you on your diligence! And good idea to find a training partner though - you can keep each other motivated. Here's to slenderness!

Thanks mike9322, but I'm not a wonderful person, because I really really dislike my sister. I'm approaching this as if she were one of my old clients whose life is in the crapper. If she weren't my sister, I'd turn my back, truly. And if she doesn't follow the advice I'm going to give her, she's on her own.

If anyone's wondering, I was a divorce laywer for 15 years and shit like this was bread and butter to me, so I can approach it completely impassively.

I'm not a wonderful person, because I really really dislike my sister.

I think you've got your definition of wonderful backwards. If you help someone and you're doing it even though you dislike them, then that's pretty fucking wonderful & amazing. You're defined by your actions, not by your feelings. And when you do something because it's the right thing to do even when you hate the people you're doing it for ...

p.s. From the sounds of things you should dislike your sister.

p.p.s. I want you to be my sister.

Jan, no matter what weight you're lifting, right now you sound like the strongest person around.

*fosters seanyboy*

Rock on, jan! I misread the post at first and thought that you were training your sister. Smacking her in the nose with a rolled up newspaper or somesuch. Might not be a bad idea under the circumstances.

Jan, wow. Just wow. One of my worst nightmares is being, or feeling, responsible for someone whose mental status renders him/her incapable of self-care (e.g., my bipolar ex-brother-in-law who refused to take medication and messed his family up for YEARS). The fact that you're able to hang in there with this situation and yet not lose your good boundaries is so incredibly impressive to me. (And yeah, I think seanyboy's line about being defined by one's actions and not by one's feelings is BANG on.)

SecondingThirding seanyboy re: actions, not feelings. I have no doubt that dealing with a situation like that has got to be using up a lot of psychic energy. And I, like jrossi, made the sister/training connection.

You might find the training is an excellent way to clear your head with whatever you're having to deal with at the time. I find that I can do a crazy amount of thinking when I'm out running. Things get sorted, planned and organised - the only problem I have is occasionally I'll forget some awesomely great idea because I have it miles from home and can't write it down.

I just read Cary Tennis in today's 'Salon' and, even though my sister has no kids, it reads like her life story.

You're doing a wonderful thing, regardless of your feelings toward your sister (more wonderful because of them). It's easy to do nice things for people we have warm feelings towards, and infinitely more difficult for those we don't. You're not a bad person for disliking your sister, either. Sometimes people are unlikeable. Just because we're related to them doesn't magically turn a switch that says that we must be BFF with them.

New with me: Last Thursday, I went to the gym for the first time in two weeks. Worked on free weights, which I've never done before. Then I couldn't walk until this morning (seriously, I was going down stairs backwards. Way to go with the listening-to-my-body thing, although honestly my body should probably have spoken up a bit sooner.) Today I've: gotten hair removed on various bits of me, been to the grocery store, been to the bank, and gone to the gym because dammit, I will show my quads who's boss! Take that, quads!

My birth mother once called and said she hadn't eaten in four days. She asked for burritos. I went to the mall for Taco Bell and ended up wandering in racks of flannel pajamas at Filene's for an hour or more before getting the burritos. She was very tranqed and visibly thinner. I sat in her living room and watched her chew the burritos.

It takes its toll, doesn't it?

Christ. I'm going to think of you whenever I have trouble getting my butt in gear. I don't know where you find the initiative for all this, but more power to ya jan!

Yrrrr, ej! *hugs* Don't these places run their own pee tests?....but then, unless you are your sister's conservator, you are not responsible for her. We bunnies KNOW you're a good person.



New with me:
I got the antibiotic drops, so no more goop out of my eyes--but the upper respiratory is still raging otherwise.

No word from my family about my grandmother--I want to call my uncle, but I've had huge problems with my internet (verizon told me it was the computer, which seems to be the case--I've just set up the new computer I ordered a while ago and everything seems to be fine now)

Two months ago, the spoiled prince told the broker who helped me find this place he would have to discuss the matter of taking pictures of his hallway with his wife. She told me last week it would be ok and that the super could come in the next day and do it. When I saw the super, he told me the little shit said "he would have to think about it". They're leaving in August, so it may well be moot if I can't get the contractor to start work before they're gone. It turns out the new owner is scum too--he could have prevented a recent US disaster (no, not Katrina) and didn't.

Home Depot was supposed to redeliver my sinks and faucets, but didn't--even after I made it clear that the building staff had permission to sign for them.

I wish everyone was lucky enough to have a sister like you essexjan!
The last time I went to the gym and checked out my weight it was 20 kilos more than what I'd weighed a few months ago, and incidentally, it happens to also be 20 kilos more than what my ideal weight ought to be. I'm glad your workout is going on so well and that you're eating so healthy.
Hopefully I'll be able to take a leaf out of your book and do the same...