MetaChat - My public commitment.

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18 June 2007

My public commitment. →[More:]
I hope that by putting this out in the public arena, I'll be more motivated to succeed and shamed into not failing.

I was horrified to see how fat I am in the photos of me taken last week. Not just 'pleasantly plump' but obese. I've struggled with weight all my life, I have the classic endomorph physique and gain weight very easily.

When George died 18 months ago I lost a lot of weight very quickly, I was the lightest I'd been in years, without the aid of drugs. I kept it down for a while, but then a combination of gluttony and, yes, comfort eating caused it to creep back. Those photos tell me that I can't kid myself it's just ten pounds. More like 40.

So, today I make a public commitment. I'm starting the 12-week Body for Life challenge today. I'm going to take a photo of myself, as BFL suggests, and another at the end of the 12 weeks. At that time I'll post the photos which, I hope, will show a big change.

This morning I'm at the dentist for 9am, then from there to the gym, and then the health food place to stock up on Omega 3, flax, ginseng and a few protein shakes.

I need to do this. I know from my past experience that exercise and good diet make a massive difference in not just my physical but also my mental well-being. I'm prone to depression, and it gets worse when my diet is poor.

Fifteen years ago I used to be incredibly fit. Well, sort of. I was at the gym 5, 6 times a week doing strenuous circuit-training and lots of weights. But I was also drinking then, and the exercise for me was a big part of my drinking - it helped me to metabolise the alcohol better. So I think subliminally I've associated intense exercise with drinking which = bad. I need to redefine the benefit of exercise for me.

I feel as if I had a period of mourning when George died which has now come to an end. I think the return of my libido - it came roaring back last week - is a (healthy) sign of that. But I also know that if I want to find another relationship, I need to feel good about myself if I am to have anything to offer to another person.

It starts today. Motivate me bunnies!

post by: essexjan at: 01:14 | 41 comments

*hugs* You can do it!

posted by IndigoRain 18 June | 01:16

Oh, I meant to post the link.

Body for Life.

I also came across this site, which is awesome. I actually like weight training, and I have a set of weights at home, so if I can't get to the gym I have no excuse. I'm going to use the spare room as my home gym for the days when I'm in the office (I have an off-peak membership so can only go before 5pm on weekdays but all day at weekends. As I work from home 2 days a week, that gives me 4 days at the gym.)

posted by essexjan 18 June | 01:23

Good for you! Seeing pictures of myself at meetups was partly what got me to sign up at a gym too...although all I'm doing is 40 minutes on the bike a few times a week. I don't like doing this, so I bring my iPod and something to read to make it more palatable. I have food issues, so I need to drink a juice mix--spinach, carrot,garlic, parsley, lemon and celery-- several times a week as well.

posted by brujita 18 June | 01:38

... if I want to find another relationship, I need to feel good about myself if I am to have anything to offer to another person.
Not true - you have more than plenty to offer another person.

I really wish you the best, though - it sounds like this could be the "thing" that brings you out the other side and completes your mourning process. Keep us up-dated, won't you?

posted by dg 18 June | 02:01

Go, Jan!! I need to come up with a summer plan, since it will be too hot to walk as much as I'd like. Share your info, and tips and recipes... whatever. Maybe we can all help to inspire each other.

And your post just reminded me to eat breakfast. I do find when I manage to do this, that it does kickstart my appetite, and makes it easier to eat throughout the day instead of waiting for evening to have a larger meal. So, I'm working on being a breakfast person. (/so not a breakfast person)

posted by taz 18 June | 02:04

I had to learn to force myself to eat breakfast (I just had Dorset Cereals muesli, with apple & mango juice, a spoonful of yoghurt and a few raspberries) and it makes a huge difference to how my day goes.

On my 'office' days, I make porridge in the microwave and eat it without really thinking about it (it is, after all, around 6am when this happens). Oats are one of the best foods ever. Boring, but nutritionally sound and oh so good for you.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 02:08

wow, you are such a positive person. I wish you the best with the plan!

posted by By the Grace of God 18 June | 02:28

I've been to the gym, did 25 minutes on the treadmill, very fast walking to the point where I was seriously out of breath and my heart was pounding. Then I paid a pound to get measured and weighed on this fancy machine that measures height, weight, BMI and body fat. If I were 6ft 2 instead of 4ft 11 it wouldn't be so bad.

But I'm now stocked up on miso soup, flax, a few protein shakes, salad, cottage cheese, turkey and salmon (which is marinating in lime juice and coriander for tonight's dinner).

I am serious about this. If I become a bore about it, please tell me.

But the upside (or maybe not) is that in three months' time y'all get to see pictures of me in my underwear, hopefully looking much better in September than I did in today's horror picture.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 06:04

y'all get to see pictures of me in my underwear

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by Eideteker 18 June | 06:17

essexjan, go buy yourself a heart rate monitor.

And don't exercise till you are gasping for breath, at least not for the first eight weeks. You wanna do what they call "building base." Helps your body burn fat, not carbs. Besides, it's more pleasant and doable, anyway. If you came to my spin class the instructor would give you a long and complex explanation of why you need to do it that way. He has the nearest to negative body fat of anyone I have ever seen so I tend to trust him on this.

posted by bunnyfire 18 June | 06:45

OH, and congrats on the decision to do something! It isn't easy but I know you can do it!

posted by bunnyfire 18 June | 06:46

Motivate me bunnies!

≡ Click to see image ≡
DROP AND GIVE ME 20, YOU MISERABLE PUKE!!

posted by jonmc 18 June | 07:24

I used the heart rate monitor on the machine. My resting heart rate is very slow, always has been, around 55bpm. Today, after 20 minutes, it was up to 165. That's a big sign of how unfit I am.

Heh, jonmc, I used to go to a Tidro class where the instructor used to make us give him 20 if we talked or messed about, or were 10 seconds late. He had such a fabulous butt and thighs, though, that I forgave him for his harshness.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 07:26

You forgot to say "SIR, YES, SIR!!"

(actually my Dad told me that basic training wasn't all that bad. I was baffled until I met this Vietnam vet in a bar who asked what year my father had been drafted. I said 1966. The vet explained that the year before that there had been a court case where drill instructors were no longer permitted to hit recruits. He said "What are they gonna do, yell at him? Your father's from New York, he's been yelled at his whole life!")

Seriously though, jan, good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do great.

posted by jonmc 18 June | 07:31

Eid, you won't be saying that when you see the pics. It'll be more like "Aarrggghh! My eyes! My eyes!"

posted by essexjan 18 June | 07:52

You're 4'11?!?! I'd never have thought that. You carry yourself with authority. Good luck on The Plan. Feel free to email me for support.

posted by rainbaby 18 June | 08:10

Yay for jan!

I think you're the only person I know whose resting rate is lower than mine. Maybe Lance Armstrong too, but he's a mutant.

posted by casarkos 18 June | 08:12

You go girl! Wish you were here- we could be gym buddies! I took this African Dance class last night that KILLED me- in a good way!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 June | 09:13

I'm not a 'gym class' person, unless it's army-style circuits or something like that. I like to hang out with the sweaty guys as they grunt and heave.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 10:02

Jan, I'm consistently impressed with you: how centered and self-aware you seem to be, how well you treat yourself and others, and how enthusiastically you appear to embrace change.

Good for you to make this commitment!

And thank you, because you're spurring me to articulate my recent decision to take better care of myself. Since I was injured this winter, I haven't been able to keep up my usual bustle of activity, have been riding instead of walking, have been confined to my bed too often, and have succumbed to the lure of comfort eating that actually provides only fleeting comfort.

It's time to change all of that. I have another MRI scheduled for this week; assuming they clear me to pursue physical activity, I'm following in your footsteps. I've been diligent in my physical therapy, but that's not enough.

(And I saw some of those photos; you look gorgeous.)

posted by Elsa 18 June | 10:02

We love you the way you are, and we support your wanting to be more healthy.

I go on 3-4 year cycles, in which I get my bmi down to 25, more or less, then get lazy and gain 15 pounds. I am on the losing cycle again, and as much as I say that I will STAY in shape, I know that once I get to my goal, I'll slack off again.

But have FUN with it!. It get addictive (yeah, I know) but it's a good addiction.

posted by danf 18 June | 10:06

essexjan, you have my bestest wishes! You are a very good looking woman from what I see in the pics and if you want to loose the weight I am sure you will do it! After pregnancy I lost 22 pounds, which was not fun exactly, but I did it (weight watchers, point system). And believe me I aint got a strong will when it comes to foodies and goodies.

My little tips: black coffee, it will get my stomach shrinking and kill my appetite for anything. Also, find any kind of exercise that you like: I love dancing/aerobics, that sort of thing. Keep trying different things. You'll find your own trick. Love ya.

posted by carmina 18 June | 11:01

You can do it!

I've been working on getting back into shape myself, after a horribly turmoilious series of years. And I have the same problem you do, which is that when I was in college I was working out 5 days a week, 2-3 hours a day (I'd get up at 6 to go to the gym before class). So my gut feeling is that *that* is what constitutes a "real" workout, not some namby-pamby half-hour on the elliptical. I've had to work really hard at getting myself to think that 30-45 minutes at the gym, plus stretching, is a totally adequate workout (not least because the first few times I went I tried for the two hours and then couldn't move for a week).

I'm not saying to take it super-easy the first few weeks, but definitely don't try to kill yourself with it. Moderate intensity for a while, and then start ramping up. Otherwise you'll do yourself an injury and *that*'s no good at all.

Food tips? Cottage cheese (with chives or pineapple NOT BOTH) and edamame are great post-workout snacks. And fiber! I'm a huge fan of the soluble fiber.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

posted by Fuzzbean 18 June | 11:18

Let me just reiterate what the others have said above re:

1. Constantly being impressed with you
2. Stating that you are a very pretty woman
3. Supporting you with this

(4 - hoping your motivation will rub off on me?)

Yay, essexjan!!

posted by gaspode 18 June | 11:23

Cottage cheese (with chives or pineapple NOT BOTH)

I need to ask why on this.

posted by danf 18 June | 11:23

All the best, of course, but you are NOT obese. I mean, hello, did you see me sitting next to you? I need to make a few changes myself. (Does this mean I have to throw away my banana Twinkie?)

posted by Pips 18 June | 11:32

(Course, I tried a public commitment like this last year about finishing my first novel. Few weeks later I was in the hospital having my gall bladder out. I'm not saying a word this year.)

posted by Pips 18 June | 11:37

Pips, I am definitely obese, by the scales, the BMI and my fat percentage, as well as just looking at the size of my arse.

I am just about to set up the weights in my spare room so I can start pumping iron. Er, not quite. The barbell on its own is heavy enough for me, without any weight added. I think I have metamorphosised into a jellyfish.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 11:55

Wow, good on you, I really hope you succeed. Losing weight, and then keeping it off, is hard - well it is for me, although I hope I never, ever, get back where I was 4 or 5 years ago. But, yes, you go, girl! If you need support, just shout.

posted by TheDonF 18 June | 11:56

Danf: Because pineapple and chives together are GROSS.

posted by Fuzzbean 18 June | 12:00

Go, EJ. You're an inspiration. Just as with stopping drinking, being healthy is a one-day-at-a-time project. It's all about habit - just keep plugging along, day in day out, whether you feel like it or not, and results will happen quickly.

I am right in there with you - I managed to put on 15 pounds since last summer, and am in the process of taking it off again. Nothing helps like the weights, and I love stumptuous too -- she's really good (though her site can be a little overwhelming). I broke the strength stuff down into upper, lower, and core, and I'm pairing one round of those with 30-45 minutes varied cardio while I ease myself back off the bench.

Do it for the strong way you will feel, don't worry about the looks aspect of it. I know that BFL is a well-rounded, healthy program so we can all rest assured you aren't on a crazy crash diet.
I hope you do well! Good luck!

posted by Miko 18 June | 12:38

It's official. I am a jellyfish.

≡ Click to see image ≡

I just finished my weights workout - I put just 2kg on the dumbells and did various upper body exercises, plus 120 crunches and (only) 40 squats and I could feel myself trembling as I got into the shower.

But it's all good. My heart is beating fast, and I feel energised.

Dinner is miso soup followed by salmon with brown rice (a small portion, not my usual mountainous heap) and a salad.

posted by essexjan 18 June | 13:36

Well Jan.

I have a 25.3 BMI right now and I can only do about 70 crunches, and not very many squats.

That was a good workout you did.

*note to self. . .if you are pondering stealing jan's purse, do it within the next month or so. .or else she'll be able to run you down and tear your arm off with her bare hands.*

posted by danf 18 June | 13:43

Good luck, EJ! I wish I had some of your motivation.

posted by deborah 18 June | 14:25

Go Jan, go!!! Good for you! (And doing 120 crunches on your first outing back to the gym deserves some sort of trophy or something.)

posted by scody 18 June | 15:14

... y'all get to see pictures of me in my underwear
You just made my morning.

Also, try green tea - I don't recall the science-y stuff, but it really seems to help kick-start the metabolism or something.

posted by dg 18 June | 17:10

Good for you, Jan! I started back with my own stationary biking/weight toning routine about 2 months ago. I just picked up a yoga ball so I can start stretching more with that. I started slowly, since I'd been a slug for months. I'm up to 12 lb dumbbells for my biceps, 8's for my triceps and delts. Pretty wimpy, but I started with 3's b/c it takes forever for a pulled tendon or ligament to heal and I don't want to go there again!

I'm glad you posted this b/c I also started a low carb diet last week and have one more week to go before I can add some things like rice back in. I miss it!

Go Girl!

posted by chewatadistance 18 June | 20:14

Congrats Essexjan! You can email me for kudos and bunny hugs if you like. I don't check the metachat often because I try to focus on schoolwork. I'm really proud of you. I'll bet that there's a lot of grief about George that you will uncover as you work out, please just cry through it/go talk to someone pro. Again, I'm proud!

posted by bilabial 19 June | 04:54

Hi Essexjan, your post brought me out of the woodwork (I've been a lurker!)... I can SO relate to some of what you've been experiencing lately (my beloved hubby became critically ill and did not survive - twas Dec. 24th, so it's been 18 months here too) plus the weight loss and then gain from comfort food.... course, food will not replace what's missing.

I'm so impressed with all you've seemed to accomplish - and that you're taking the step to a "healthier you". Plus, I think your positive approach must be the best one towards the weight loss -this has to have a good outcome. So much better than beating yourself up - you're motivating yourself forward. Good on you!

While nobody can be in your place or know how you're feeling, it seems there are a bunch of supporters here that will do anything they can to help. All the best.

(and, boy, I hope I get this right - the posting thing is new to me, so forgive if I screw it up....I seem to have lost the first one!)

posted by mightshould 19 June | 08:50

mightshould, welcome! (And I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.)

posted by scody 19 June | 13:31

Oh, scody, thank you -that's very kind.

But, I don't mean to be hijacking essexjan's excellent discussion of moving forward and making good changes for herself. Essexjan's handling a whole lot it seems!

posted by mightshould 19 June | 14:05

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