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15 June 2007

I hate valedictorian speeches! [More:] My baby sister graduated from high school last night. Why, oh why do they pick the speakers according to who got the best grades? Just because you can study and take tests does NOT mean you can write and deliver a speech that's inspirational or remotely interesting. "Road, path, travel. Boat, sail, future! Memories! Bridge. Prelude. Forward, tomorrow!"

The valedictorian of my class was a real grade-grubbing Tracy Flick type who had no time for anyone she couldn't get extra credit for talking to. It was odd to hear her talk about all the memories we'd treasure when she was never around for anything. I know some schools that vote for who they want to give the address. That makes so much more sense to me.

All this makes me wonder--we're a smart bunch. Do we have any top-of-the-class bunnies? What cliche did you pick for your speech: the road or the sailing ship?
I should mention that the coolest part of the graduation was watching a few Sudanese Lost Boys get their diplomas. That was pretty touching.
posted by jrossi4r 15 June | 12:14
In the unlikely event that I am ever asked to deliver a graduation speech, here follows the text of the speech I shall deliver:

Road, path, travel.
Boat, sail, future!
Memories!
Bridge. Prelude.
Forward, tomorrow!
posted by Joe Invisible 15 June | 12:17
Having to give that speech always seemed like a punishment handed out for being such a goody two shoes.

(No, my grades weren't that good. Plus I was kind of weird. No speeches from me.)
posted by small_ruminant 15 June | 12:21
My class rank didn't put me in the running for the V-speech. But I always liked the early 20th-century idea of having a Class Orator -- where someone's selected for their speaking ability. Or just have a graduation-speech contest, with auditions and a prize.
posted by Miko 15 June | 12:30
Our school actually did split valedictorian from graduation speakers. Speakers had to audition.

I was not valedictorian (though I was 7th in my class, of 450 or so), but I did speak at graduation. Fairly treacly, though, I'm afraid -- I got very sentimental at the end of my senior year.

But it was well-written, highly literary treacle. :-)
posted by occhiblu 15 June | 12:41
We didn't have a valedictorian - people had to audition to give the speech. However, they DID seat the top 10 students in the front row, in order of GPA, with the rest of the students alphabetically behind them (I was number 4, btw, but I remember feeling robbed because we weighed GPAs and I'd taken more credits than my fellow top tenners, meaning that my AP classes were less highly valued than their AP classes) (Also: God, I was annoyingly prissy about my grades in high school!).
posted by muddgirl 15 June | 12:43
At my high school graduation, the valedictorian largely deferred to the salutatorian. Good move. The salutatorian gave an unexpected speech, completely ignoring the usual future focused similes and metaphors. In that little Kansas town, all everybody under 18 had thought about for years was getting out of town, to more interesting environs, and I guess she recognized that she couldn't meaningfully speak to all of our probably far-flung future selves, but that she knew us, and the town that schooled us, cold.

So what the salutatorian did was call to our minds the place we were coming from. She concentrated on the town that had educated us, and helped us grow up, and the values its people lived daily. She urged us to live, as much as possible, as if we were still going to be seen at the Post Office picking up mail, and at the Friday night football games, no matter where we went. And she recognized some teachers most of us deeply respected, and some town people who had quietly got things back to normal after the big Skelly gas station fire downtown in our sophmore year had devastated Main Street.

Wasn't a dry eye in the house when she finished her 12 minutes. Best damn commencement I've ever attended. And, still, the only commencement speech I can remember.
posted by paulsc 15 June | 12:45
I am grateful that the valedictorian thing isn’t done in the UK, or, at least wasn’t done at my school, as that would’ve been me, who, at that age, could only have delivered a short, awkward, and barely-audible speech…
posted by misteraitch 15 June | 12:48
I was valedictorian. I wish I hadn't been. My speech was awful. It's on tape, and I refuse to watch it. Thanks for drudging up that memory. Thanks a HEAP.

*fumes*
posted by mike9322 15 June | 12:54
*hugs mike*
You went with the boat motif, didn't ya?
posted by jrossi4r 15 June | 13:17
God, I dunno, something about Montana... ? It's repressed.
posted by mike9322 15 June | 13:29
Our valedictorian talked about how much of a nerd he was. At least our salutatory was given in Latin.
posted by oaf 15 June | 13:47
A friend of mine was valedictorian- only someone's Mom bitched, and she had to share the honor with #2 as co-valedictorians. Which bumped my (gay) ex-boyfriend to salutatorian. Both #2 and the ex didn't want to give speeches. Too bad, I would have loved it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 15 June | 14:00
Bob Elliot gave a terrific faux graduation speech on Prairie Home Companion in 1990 or so. It was the most inspired 5 minute cliche I've ever heard.
posted by plinth 15 June | 14:30
What's a salutatorian?
posted by matthewr 15 June | 14:35
Runner-up.
posted by Hugh Janus 15 June | 14:38
We had to sit through speeches by the valedictorian, salutatorian, student council president, a couple teachers, the principal, and the superintendent.

The valedictorian speech sucked - the girl was valedictorian because of cheating and everyone in the class KNEW it. The salutatorian speech (by a truly smart and nice girl) was better but still full of high school bullshit angst.

The only reason I went through the ceremony was because I promised my mom I would go through the ceremony if she'd let me graduate early. By the time of the ceremony I hadn't even been at school for six months.
posted by fluffy battle kitten 15 June | 14:48
At my school, you had to audition to be a speaker. We had 3. One guy did the "entering next phase of your life" speech. A girl did the "entering next phase of your life as illustrated by Dr Seuss" speech. My friend spent his speech saying that his education was worthless except for learning to brown bag his lunch to save money.

I miss that guy.
posted by stynxno 15 June | 14:55
Our valedictorian was a guy I had a huge crush on since junior high. He was a good speaker and did a very funny speech. I was nowhere near valedictorian (though I was in the top 10% of my class) but I did get to be in the ensemble who sang at graduation. That was fun. (We sang "We'll Never Say Goodbye")

posted by sisterhavana 15 June | 15:17
Well, we had Dux and Proxime Accessit, but you know, it's the same thing. They didn't give speeches though. Which is good, because the dux was one of my best friends, and he would have sucked.
posted by gaspode 15 June | 15:32
I got to be a role model today. || omg CUCUMBERS!!! (flickr link)

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