No, these feelings aren't wrong.

I'm assuming this is a family member? Is this the first time you'll be caring for her?

Maybe you could bring a book of short stories or poems to read to him/her to fill the silences if they feel awkward.

The way you're feeling isn't wrong at all. You have no training and you don't know what to expect. It's a good thing you're doing.

It's good that you're feeling this way; you'll probably be more prepared than someone who didn't think that it was a big deal to be doing what you are.

I was thinking about something similar last night, about how I'm not good at being The Mom to sick people and how I'd be the last person you'd want by your bedside if you were terminally ill.

It's natural, I think. And it's good that there are some people out there who have the courage and the constitution to do it as a job. But most of us aren't like that, and it's good of you to *do* it even if you don't like it.

We don't know each other, but still: thank you. Thank you for doing this.

The dread you describe strikes me as perfectly normal — healthy, even.

I gave end-of-life care for both my first partner and my father (and, to a much lesser extent, for both my grandmothers), and though the tasks became routine and therefore less anxiety-ridden, I remember the initial dread and fear all too well.

It's normal. I remember the people who showed up to help out, to give the primary caregivers a break, to throw in a load of laundry or make dinner or let me walk in the garden and breathe alone for a minute or an hour or a day. I don't imagine a single one of those kind souls came in whistling a jaunty tune. Each one had to overcome the same reluctance you feel.

But I remember that they showed up despite the inconvenience, the fear, and the dread. That meant so much to me.

Thank you folks for the support and affirmation. You're the best. I have new respect for those who do this a lot. I can think of several hundred thousand little solutions that would help make it easier. I'm amazed that we don't plan for it better in the way we build our houses, cars, toilets, etc...