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07 June 2007

Free at last! Paris Hilton's long nightmare is finally over.
post by: GeckoDundee at: 14:27 | 41 comments
Why am I thinking 'massive bribe?'
posted by jonmc 07 June | 14:33
But my long nightmare, in which an over privileged moron wreaks havoc on society, continues. Is her "medical issue" public record?
posted by plinth 07 June | 14:35
"In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make."

OK
posted by arse_hat 07 June | 14:43
Trapped in the Hilton Mansion?

HORRORS!
posted by CitrusFreak12 07 June | 14:43
God. Why did they ever phase out the oubliette?
posted by mygothlaundry 07 June | 14:45
If any good has come of this whole terrible ordeal, it's that I learned what the word "oubliette" means.
posted by Otis 07 June | 14:49
My friends and I think her "medical condition" is constipation due to the fact that she probably can't crap unless she's on a diamond-studded toilet being waited on by unicorns and fairies.
posted by LunaticFringe 07 June | 14:52
mygoth, that is a very good question.

It annoys me no end that not only did she get to go to the special jail for celebrities, she was only there for three nights.
posted by Specklet 07 June | 14:56
In her defense, LF, unicorns do make awesome toilet paper holders. I learned that on Martha Stewart. I should probably add that to the FACT thread.
posted by jrossi4r 07 June | 14:59
I want to see neglegted chihuahuas all over California begin their own L.A. riots tonight in protest.
posted by dabitch 07 June | 15:08
In her defense, LF, unicorns do make awesome toilet paper holders.


But they make terrible toilet seats.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 07 June | 15:08
Somewhere it was reported that Paris would use her time behind bars to "reflect on her life." I guess it didn't take very long...
posted by pieisexactlythree 07 June | 15:09
Well how long can it take to reflect on all the parties that you don't remember because you were drinking far too much and probably doing lines of coke?
posted by LunaticFringe 07 June | 15:13
I was going to snark a little about her medical condition -- it's either the lack of having two brain cells to rub together, or herpes -- but this just makes me so fucking livid. We have a prison population of 2 million in this country, many of whom A) aren't there for violent offenses (Hello, War on Drugs!), and B) with severe mental and physical illnesses (between 20% and 40% infected with Hep C, for example), and suffice to say the vast majority of the non-heiress population isn't getting released "for medical reasons" after serving 5% of their sentences.

Fucking, fucking fuckety-fucked up society and its backward fucking priorities.
posted by scody 07 June | 15:14
Celebrity gossip blogs are reporting that she had a complete mental breakdown. They are also reporting that she's a whiny little fish.
posted by muddgirl 07 June | 15:15
In her defense, LF, unicorns do make awesome toilet paper holders.


But they make terrible toilet seats.


Sez you.
posted by Hugh Janus 07 June | 15:17
So the first time she has a real chance to change her life for the better and become a bigger person she has a breakdown? I'm sorry if this offends anybunny but what a waste of resources she is...
posted by LunaticFringe 07 June | 15:21
Sounds like an excellent opportunity for her and Brittany to room together. Think of the savings on cost of makeup.
posted by chewatadistance 07 June | 15:22
Sez you.


That kind of horny I don't need deep inside. Toodamnsharp.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 07 June | 15:23
If you're huge like Luray Caverns, that li'l horn is nothing compared to the stalacpipe organ.
posted by Hugh Janus 07 June | 15:31
I'm pretty sure either her, Brit, or Lindsey will be dead within a year. I just hope they don't take anyone with them.
posted by drezdn 07 June | 15:35
Yay, Luray Caverns!!
posted by danostuporstar 07 June | 15:37
My bet is the jail couldn't handle all of her whining about her cold-turkey drug withdrawl.

She had a great opportunity to get her head out of her ass and change her life path and change public opinion of her, and she ruined any chance of that ever happening.
posted by getoffmylawn 07 June | 15:45
Yep, Luray Caverns (the first link is beautiful, but one of the pages ran an ActiveX control that crashed my browser. Prolly a work setup thing, but beware). My folks used to take me there when I was a kid. I like caves.

Tunnels are cool too.

They should slap Paris Hilton into the Gouffre Martel with Gully Foyle.
posted by Hugh Janus 07 June | 15:47
Luray Caverns! I almost named my old band Luray.
posted by Hellbient 07 June | 16:21
Luray Caverns!

I had a little of a panic attack there. But I was just a teenager last time I went. Heh.

Paris is still on house arrest. Besides, she's not the first celebrity who got let out in three days iirc.
posted by bunnyfire 07 June | 16:58
"My God, you can't PAY for publicity like this!"
posted by mischief 07 June | 17:26
Paris is still on house arrest. Besides, she's not the first celebrity who got let out in three days iirc.

Does this mean I can't be extremely irritated and think it's wrong?
posted by Specklet 07 June | 17:36
She isn't? Who else got the red-carpet-celeb treatment?
posted by dabitch 07 June | 17:39
Someone remind me—why do we care how many days some inconsequential person spent or did not spend in jail???
posted by deadcowdan 07 June | 18:06
Very few people have dedicated their lives to providing a bad example to others as devotedly as Paris Hilton. At this rate, she will be elected President by 2032.

Oh, and I knew the U.S. didn't have lorrys, but I didn't realize we had a Luray.
posted by wendell 07 June | 18:11
Why isnt MADD protesting the shit out of this?
posted by jonmc 07 June | 18:38
Because DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers) would get be all over that like white on rice if they did.
posted by Specklet 07 June | 18:51
What luck! It seems that the registration for killparishilton.com expires today. wendell, you know what to do.
posted by kyleg 07 June | 18:52
Does this mean I can't be extremely irritated and think it's wrong?

Of course not.

But it certainly stinks for her that poor people and obscure people from all and sundry walks of life can endure a month in the general population hell hole and she can't do more than three freaking days without losing her mess. How humiliating.
posted by bunnyfire 07 June | 19:12
Why am I thinking 'massive bribe?'

Nail meet head! That was/is my first reaction.

What a freakin' circus.

BREAKING NEWS: Hearing Could Send Hilton Back to Jail -- "Los Angeles city attorney claims ankle bracelet violated judge's order."

If she truly has a medical condition -- physical or mental -- why not confine her to the appropriate facility in the correctional system? They have lock-down wards for these sort of situations.
posted by ericb 07 June | 19:58
Here [PDF] is L.A. City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo motion asking the judge who sentenced Paris Hilton to have her returned to jail to serve out her full sentence.
posted by ericb 07 June | 20:02
Mmmmm...Luray Caverns. Love them bacon and eggs.

Unicorn toilet seat for Paris? Like a hot dog down a hallway.
posted by plinth 07 June | 20:46
Hearing regarding her sentencing tomorrow at 9 a.m. PDT; Paris will attend.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 07 June | 21:23
Sheriff's department spokesman Mr Whitmore said only that Hilton's incarceration was cut short after extensive consultation among various parties involved, including the sentencing judge and the sheriff.

Why does The Ransom of Red Chief spring to mind here?
posted by stilicho 08 June | 00:55
You know, there are not all that many people in the world who can afford to hire a full time limousine so they can go wherever they want, get as drunk as they please, and never have to drive home.

Paris is one of these people. The idea that she'd be driving drunk anyway, sharing the road maybe with people I care about, enrages me. Young girls look up to her because she is wealthy, glamorous, pays for a lot of plastic surgery, and is on TV and in all the magazines. The message is that if you are wealthy and glamorous, you should get drunk and endanger your own lives and the lives of innocents. This is the shittiest message ever, because if you preface any message to Americans with "If you are wealthy and glamorous, then ZZZ," in general EVERY FUCKING AMERICAN will then immediately try to do ZZZ as much as possible until death.

I really hate Paris. I say put her back in jail with the other inmates and let her rot with the foul infections and terrible mental disorders that the forgotten 1% of our adult population have to suffer with while they're incarcerated.
posted by ikkyu2 08 June | 11:01
← OMG! Kangaroo Kitten! || in which i redact my rant and suggest a foto phriday theme... →

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