SHOUTING, THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING? BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD MY COFFEE YET... sorry for your troubles, though. (You have a chandelier?)

a crystal chandelier over the toilet?

Oy va voy! I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, Brujita. I recommend a cat, if you like them and aren't allergic to them. They work best against mice, and are much more humane than glue traps. A cat, or maybe a big iguana.

I bet, when all is said and done, you'll have a much nicer place than that AD putz.

(You have a chandelier?)

NOT ANY MORE! FUCKING CARPET PEOPLE!

(Here, Pips, have a cup of my piping hot lava. It's caffeinariffic. It's thick! Cream and sugar?)

(Mmm, coffee... Should I be able to see my heart beating in my chest?)

(Should everyone else?)

THE CHANDELIER IS IN THE DINING ROOM. I WOULD LOVE A CAT BUT CAN'T GET ONE UNTIL ALL THE WORK IN MY PLACE IS FINISHED AND THAT INCLUDES THE BATHROOMS.

I STAYED OUT UNTIL 2AM, WHICH IS QUITE LATE FOR ME, FLIRTING WITH SOME RANDOM GUY WHO IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF MY TYPE! IT WAS FUN TO FLIRT AGAIN AND EVEN MORE FUN TO FLIRT WITH SOME GUY WHOM I WOULD NEVER NORMALLY FLIRT WITH! THAT WAS THE HAPPY PART, THE BAD PART IS I'M EXHAUSTED, HAVE TO SPLIT A BIGILLION CELLS AND SPEND THREE HOURS ON THE MICROSCOPE IN A DARK ROOM WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP!!

I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THE "FUN" IN YOUR LIFE BRUJITA, I HOPE YOU GET IT RESOLVED WITHOUT HAVING TO HIDE TOO MANY BODIES!

NONE OF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO SEE THE REVEREND HORTON HEAT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE. I'M ALMOST TO THE POINT OF OFFERING TO BUY SOMEONE A TICKET JUST SO I'LL HAVE SOMEONE TO GO WITH. I HATE GOING ALONE TO CONCERTS.

I HATE HAVING TO HIRE PEOPLE TO DO STUFF IN MY HOME THAT I KNOW I CAN'T DO MYSELF, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT I PROBABLY WOULD BUNGLE IT LESS SO THAN THE PEOPLE I HIRED! IT'S TRICKY. I HAVE HAD VERY GOOD LUCK IN THE HOUSTON AREA USING THIS WEBSITE. FROM THAT SITE I FOUND A ROOFER THAT IS ACTUALLY NOT A TOTAL RIP-YOU-OFF SCUMBAG, AND EVEN BETTER, I LIKE THE GUY, HE'S AFFORDABLE, AND DOES AWESOME WORK. IT ONLY TOOK ME LIKE FOUR YEARS TO FIND HIM.

ELSA, I WOULD LIKE A CUPPA, PLEASE. REAL CREAM AND REAL SUGAR PLEASE. THANK YOU DEAR.

HERE YOU ARE, WOLDDADDY. REALLY PUT YOUR ARM INTO THE STIRRING. THIS STUFF IS STRONG.

NOW, DON'T TURN THE CUP ENTIRELY UPSIDE DOWN LIKE THAT; EVENTUALLY THAT COFFEE WILL POUR OUT, AND A FINE MESS WE'LL HAVE ON OUR HANDS THEN.

NO ONE WANTS MY STUPID PAINTING SO I WON'T GET TO GO TO NEW YORK! WAH WAH WAH!

I WAS JUST TOLD THAT JUNKPROS DIDN'T HAVE THE INSURANCE INFO FILLED OUT CORRECTLY EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEIR RECEPTIONIST THE RIGHT WAY HOW! I HAD GIVEN HER MY EMAIL BUT SHE SAID IT WASN'T GOING THROUGH AND SHE DID NOT BOTHER TO CALL ME YESTERDAY AND LET ME KNOW THIS !!!!SO THEY WERE NOT LET UP TO MY PLACE AND THE KITCHEN WORK CAN'T START MONDAY!!! APPARENTLY THERE HAS BEEN A CHANGE ABOUT WHICH I WAS NOT TOLD! GODDAMNIT!!!!!

KELLYDAMNIT, I GO TO CONCERTS BY MYSELF ALL THE TIME.

I FEEL FUNNY AND SHY AND SELF CONSCIOUS LIKE EVERYONE WILL BE LOOKING AT ME. MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM A NUTCASE, I KNOW. BUT KNOWING DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY EASIER.

I DID SKETCHES OF THE FIRST FOUR DAYS OF METACHAUNAKKAH BUT I PUT THEM IN A BOOK THAT WON'T OPEN FLAT FOR THE SCANNER. THE IDEA WAS TO MAKE IT A METACHAT BOOK BUT I WILL HAVE TO SLICE OUT THE PAGES TO SCAN THEM AND THAT DEFEATS THE POINT GODDAMMIT.

MEANWHILE, Kitty! COMING! AND IT'S THE NIGHT OF ANIMAL APPRECIATION (second night of Metachaunakkah)!

IS THERE ONE FUCKING PIECE OF EQUIPMENT IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING BUILDING THAT ACTUALLY WORKS AS ADVERTISED? I’M NOT ASKING FOR NEW EQUIPMENT, MIND YOU. MERELY FUNCTIONAL TOOLS WOULD BE LIKE A VISIT FROM MOTHERFUCKING SANTA IN JULY.

AND WHILE I’M ON THE TOPIC, I’M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF HAVING TO CLEAN UP OTHER PEOPLE’S SHIT (LITERALLY, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION) BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE COULDN’T/WOULDN’T DO THEIR JOB PROPERLY. FUCK THAT NOISE. I DON’T NEED A WHOLE LOT TO DO MY JOB PROPERLY; ALL I REALLY NEED IS CORRECT, CURRENT INFORMATION, TOOLS THAT WORK, AND OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THEIR JOBS AND NOT LEAVE IT FOR THE NIGHT GUY. IS THAT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK? DO I REALLY NEED TO BE PUNISHED FOR BEING COMPETENT?

ALSO: SEATTLE IS RAPIDLY BECOMING AN UNLIVABLE SHITHOLE. ANY BUILDING OVER TWENTY YEARS OLD IS IN REAL DANGER OF BEING PLOWED UNDER. DEVELOPERS COME IN, SEE A HAPPY, HEALTHY NEIGHBORHOOD FULL OF CHARMING OLDER HOMES, AND IMMEDIATELY START BUYING HOUSES RIGHT AND LEFT SO THEY CAN GUT THE PLACE AND FILL IT WITH CONDOS AND HIDEOUS FUCKING QUADS. IT’S CHEAP-ASS CONSTRUCTION THAT WON’T LAST TEN YEARS, AND IT’S GONNA BE A MASSIVE EYESORE UNTIL IT FINALLY FALLS IN ON ITSELF – HOPEFULLY CRUSHING THE MORONS THAT BUILT IT ALONG WITH THOSE BOUGHT IT. HAD I THE MEANS, I WOULD GLADLY STUFF EACH AND EVERY REAL ESTATE SPECULATOR, DEVELOPER, REALATOR, AND CONDO DWELLER INTO A HUGE ROCKET SHIP AND LAUNCH THEM DIRECTLY INTO THE HEART OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN, ASAP, WITH THAT SHITSTAIN PAUL ALLEN STRAPPED TO THE NOSECONE.

FINALLY, I SWEAR THAT I WOULD KILL SOMEBODY’S GRANNY FOR A SMOKE RIGHT NOW. I’D FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS, OF COURSE. STILL…