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09 May 2007

This is a difficult AskMe [More:] I've read this question through a few times, and I think if I could sit down and talk this out with the poster, I could help him. But everything I've written up seems terrible. Do you ever run into that situation, where you think you can help but online you feel your words may do more harm than good?
My immediate reaction to this post was to think that this guy is preventing intimacy, and not allowing his wife the space to show affection or love.

He's so obsessed with parsing his wife's every little way of relating to him. If I were her, I would be hard pressed to figure out what he needs. It would feel like a black hole to me. I can see why she is reticent about initiating touch, or anything.

If I were to talk to him, I would try to be gently irreverent with him, try to loosen him up a bit and get him over himself.

That said, I have also been him. I think that, in some ways, we have all been him.
posted by danf 09 May | 14:14
I think he's getting good answers in the threads.

I agree, I have been him at times. At other times, I've been her.

He has a lot of work to do, but who doesn't? I hope he has some good friends.
posted by Miko 09 May | 14:21
Miko: You're great.
posted by agropyron 09 May | 15:01
I feel bad for the guy. To me, he seems depressed. I think it was stormygrey who said that perhaps since everyone had been fawning all over him since childhood, he had unrealistic expectations of what love is. As if it weren't all over adoration, then it wasn't enough for him. And it's possible. It's also possible that he's overheightened due to the failure of his first marriage. That he may be looking for every little thing that was ever in his first marriage, and expecting this one to fail as well. I can imagine his wife may be exhausted from trying to please him, and there may well be days that she doesn't like him very much. He needs a new therapist, and they need counseling.
posted by redvixen 09 May | 18:16
"Do you ever run into that situation, where you think you can help but online you feel your words may do more harm than good?"

Apparently every time I click "Post".
posted by mischief 09 May | 20:16
Goodie. 3 weeks early, no less. || I'm going to Texas tomorrow.