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09 May 2007

How did you know that the person you’ve fallen in love with was the _right_ person?[More:]Since starting work, and going out into the world, I’ve been coming into contact with a lot of people, and some of those people are obviously women, and some of those women happen to be… what’s the word I’m looking for… expressive in their feelings towards me, as I have been towards them—a certain smile, a certain nod, a few words, nothing much, but still, it does feel nice—and I was just wondering when those of you who have fallen in love with your sweethearts, knew that it was serious, and not some office romance, or whatever.
I got the test results back. Sure enough...
posted by Hellbient 09 May | 13:22
You can't know; no smile or nod is going to tell you if a relationship is "true" or if the person is "right". It's a daily process.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 09 May | 13:24
There's no simple, or single, answer. I realized that not only was she good for me, and I for her, but we were good for each other. I knew I wanted to wake up next to her, every day, for the rest of my life. I knew that no matter what came our way, we'd face it together. All this, and so much more. I realize it every day, in a new way.
posted by tr33hggr 09 May | 13:31
I think there can be many right people. We need different things at different times.
posted by Miko 09 May | 13:31
There is no such thing as a "right person". There are people you can live with, and people you can't. And a given person is not necessarily in the same category from day to day. With luck, you find someone for whom the days in the former category outnumber the latter. Rather than some magical goodness of fit, it requires hard work and understanding. You have to realize your SO will never be perfect and neither will you. I find the best response is usually laughter when those moments of distance come. Burp in front of her as soon as possible. If she burps back, and louder, you're on the right track. If it turns into a contest, she's a keeper.

And lordy, how does an adult person remain so "gee whiz" naive in this day and age? Whatever you do, don't get cynical, hadjiboy! You may be among the last of a dying breed.
posted by Eideteker 09 May | 13:36
Oh hells, I could write pages.

But it probably boils down to: I was excited about trying to make a life together with him as opposed to merely resigned (like my exes).
posted by gaspode 09 May | 13:39
Oh, and don't avoid non-serious relationships. Make some mistakes along the way, part amicably, and internalize the lessons. That way, when someone serious comes along, you'll have gotten most of the hard learning out of the way.
posted by Eideteker 09 May | 13:39
It was really easy when I met my fiance, yet now it's hard to explain. Just date people, have fun, get your heart broken a few times. Someday, you'll meet a girl and think, "She makes me feel more like me, and I want to make her feel more like her."

That's what happened to me, anyway. YMMV.
posted by muddgirl 09 May | 14:31
I knew he was the right one when I had no qualms whatsoever about giving up my easy, comfortable life here to move 4,000 to rural Ohio and a much harder life as a farmer's wife.
posted by essexjan 09 May | 14:32
They let you do them in the butt.
posted by klangklangston 09 May | 14:34
He sat down on the floor next to me at the poetry reading when there weren't any chairs left; we ate Apple Jacks naked on his back porch after we made love for the first time; I drove around in tears for an hour when he stormed out of the diner after our first fight; he was with me when I got the call my birth mother had died; he helped me find her cat; he carried my father's casket; he stuck with me for two years in Miami, a place he hated, so I could finish grad school; he tells me I'm beautiful and pats my ass while I'm doing dishes; he took me back after I did everything to push him away; he went shoe shopping with me before our wedding; he was nervous during the ceremony, sweetly so; he drapes a leg over mine in his sleep; he makes me not mind all the crappy things I have to do so much, like grade papers or clean the toilet; he makes me afraid to die too soon; he makes me less afraid to live; he's everything.
posted by Pips 09 May | 14:37
::tears up::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 09 May | 14:44
They let you do them in the butt.

::tears up::

I had the same reaction.
posted by Eideteker 09 May | 14:54
::tears up laughing::
posted by rainbaby 09 May | 15:25
I know for sure that my husband is "the one" and he's never once let me do him in the butt.

(also, please note that "tear" is heteronymous, which could now become confusing here)
posted by taz 09 May | 16:30
(also, please note that "tear" is heteronymous, which could now become confusing here)

Oh, indeed. My imp of the perverse suggested I reply to rainbaby's comment with *tears rainbaby up* but:
1. I have no idea if she's into that sort of thing.
2. Much as I like rb, I have no desire to die at the hands of a jealous SO. Not til I'm in my 80s.
posted by Eideteker 09 May | 17:01
Oh, and the whole poor taste thing. I know, it's surprising; most people think that's never stopped me. But that's only because they weren't privy to the times it did. *hums "They're coming to take me away"*
posted by Eideteker 09 May | 17:03
I think the whole thing is hysterical, Eideteker. (and klangklangston and taz)
posted by rainbaby 09 May | 17:09
Every time I knew. And every time I was wrong.
Except this time. This time I know for sure.
posted by seanyboy 09 May | 17:25
I knew pretty quickly he was the "One". I've been wrong before, though. But with Mr. V, I actually enjoyed his company so much that if we weren't destined to be lovers, we could easily just be friends. We fit well, and complement each other in so many ways. It's not peaches and cream all the time - marriage has to be worked on - but the good/wonderful times far outlast any rough patches.
posted by redvixen 09 May | 17:56
With my wife I knew very early on dating, but I can't describe how I could tell, it's just that our personalities seemed to work together.
posted by drezdn 09 May | 18:01

Anonymous Relationship Filter:

My husband won't let me peg him. Can This Marriage Be Saved?

posted by rainbaby 09 May | 18:06
I'm reserving judgement until I meet a woman who would bail me out of jail.
posted by cmonkey 09 May | 18:38
Yeah, yeah, Pips, that's nice, but how does jonmc compete with that?
posted by klangklangston 09 May | 20:47
No offense, hadjiboy, but well over 90% of your posts are open-ended questions. What's that all about?
posted by eamondaly 09 May | 23:31
I knew when I came back from a trip across the country and he had gotten his hair cut while I was away. We weren't even dating yet, but I knew, as soon as I saw him, that this was more than a crush. He kissed me 5 months later and we began to date. He's still the one.
posted by bilabial 10 May | 00:33
No offense, hadjiboy, but well over 90% of your posts are open-ended questions. What's that all about?

Hah! I thought it was more like a 100%.
I don't know; I guess I like asking questions. And I'm a huge chatter-box, and I love to speak about feelings, and these are just some of the things that are constantly on my mind. It could also be that I'm just trying to compensate for all the times that I couldn't express myself as a kid.
posted by hadjiboy 10 May | 12:20
HONK! HONK! HONNNNNKKKKKKK! || Goodie. 3 weeks early, no less.