MetaChat - I need some cheerleaders and a good cry

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17 April 2007

I need some cheerleaders and a good cry I'm 25, back in college. I quit the first time 7 years ago only because of money and lack of family support. →[More:]As you may know, I plan to get a PhD in Anthropology, but I'm making it hard on myself, and still don't have the suport of my own family.

Procrastination, taking extra time to write very mediocre papers, crying a lot, still worrying about money.

I'm not impressed with my department and am sure I will need to get published and do some field work in order to be a competitive candidate for grad schools. I don't know what grad schools I should be looking at, except that USF has David Himmelgreen. I'll need to keep reading and stay on top of who is teaching where to make that decision. Or, um, just get accepted someplace.

And, as a long shot, has anyone seen any good Cultural Anthropology Blogs? (I've seen Dienekes', Savage Minds and Alex Golub's work.

I'll be posting a related question on AxMe about marriage and pregnancy in the academic world, because that's an issue the mister and I are facing together (he doesn't want to get married or pregnant for quite some time, I am tired of waiting).

post by: bilabial at: 20:08 | 28 comments

One of the students in one of the freshman classes I'm TAing this semester is at least 2 years older than you are and married with (I think) at least one kid. You can totally do this!

I am in grad school where I am because it was the only place that accepted me, and it's nowhere near top-tier but I'm finding I like it. Still procrastinating though.

posted by casarkos 17 April | 20:24

bilabial, don't ever look back. I'm more than a dozen years older, and wish I could have gone back to focus on my academic goals at your age. You're doing the right thing. It's hard, but it's not as though it would get easier 15 years down the road when you admit to yourself that you still want that PhD. Way to go.

posted by Miko 17 April | 20:47

Seconding what Miko and casarkos have said. I’m 27 myself, and am also doing my graduation. And procrastinating like you too, and worrying if I’ll be able to do it, or even if I want to do it, but I know I should. One step at a time.

posted by hadjiboy 17 April | 20:54

Bitch, Ph.D. often has posts about combining family and academic life. She's a professor, but she also talks about being in grad school, as do many of her commenters. She may also have links to other relevant places.

Good for you for doing what you want. When you say your family's opposed, do you mean your parent-type family, or your husband-type family?

posted by occhiblu 17 April | 21:07

(Actually, she's a professor on sabbatical. You may need to dig into the archives for the school entries.)

posted by occhiblu 17 April | 21:07

Rock on, I did the same thing two years ago, same age and everything.

posted by Eideteker 17 April | 21:20

Anthropology is a tough academic field. But you can do it.

Getting an M.A. will probably make you a better candidate for a Ph.D. program. The best school for you will depend on what you wish to study. I know some anthropology graduate students. E-mail me if I can help in any way.

I agree with Miko, if you want a Ph.D., admit it to yourself now. :) Don't wait. If you want it very much now, you will still want it years from now so you might as well go for it.

It is possible to obtain an anthropology Ph.D. with small children. Maybe it is better to have children after you've taken your qualifying exams (usually after the second year). You would be finished with your coursework then.

posted by halonine 17 April | 22:19

Good work! I'm 27 and just finishing my first semester of college (I was there for half a semester in '97). It's a strange thing to which to adjust, and I'm not really socialising with anyone there; they all look so ... young. Anyway, I don't have much to offer on the anthropology end of things, so keep on tranglin', bilabial, to the utmost!

posted by the great big mulp 17 April | 22:30

I'm not impressed with my department and am sure I will need to get published and do some field work in order to be a competitive candidate for grad schools.

You are crying and feeling down on yourself, unsure of yourself, but I would like to share my own outsider's perspective on this:

You are making asking very important questions about the quality of your program, questions that I wasn't asking two decades ago when I was drifting through my local state school. Give yourself credit for that. You are taking a conscious, very grown-up approach to your education. I know it's painful that your family isn't giving you the support you need. But you seem to be doing a very good job of this on your own.

Do you have a mentor in that department? Are there professors you like and who like you? Maybe you should cultivate a mentor, someone who can help you navigate which undergrad program might work for you, and how to get into grad school. Just a suggestion.

Good luck!

posted by jason's_planet 17 April | 22:33

bah, this week I'm finishing (hopefully) my Master's paper, more or less in social anthro. I am seriously tired and am 11 years your senior. Good luck. What areas of interest within the field are you liking?

posted by edgeways 17 April | 22:35

My wife and I timed our first kid perfectly with her PhD. She was huuugely beautifully preggers in her graduation gown. You can do it, bilabial!

Is it too early to inquire about a turn with the cheerleaders?

posted by danostuporstar 17 April | 22:46

I'm especially fascinated by changes in foodways, and the correlation with advertising. (getting people to admit that they eat things because they saw them in a tv commercial, or a magazine ad.)

I've become more interested in genderization through magazine advertising this semester.

And working for a Modern Orthodox Jew(ess) has me very curious about religious food rituals.

I've pretty much decided that I want to be pregnant before I complete my undergrad, which is in about 2 years. Nick will be finishing his MFA around then and entering the academic market as well. I'd rather not be pregnant while interviewing for tenure track positions.

posted by bilabial 17 April | 22:53

We've been together for 6.5 years, no proposal as yet, but I corrected him a few days ago when he told me that "it's like we're engaged." There is no such thing as like being engaged. I'm not planning on becoming a single mother.

posted by bilabial 17 April | 23:00

changes in foodways, genderization through magazine advertising

What coooool research interests. I work a lot on historic foodways in my job. Correspond anytime.

posted by Miko 17 April | 23:09

Woo-Hoo!!
Gimme a B
Gimme a I
Gimme a L
Gimme a A
Gimme a B
Gimme a I
Gimme a A
Gimme a L
What's that spell?

B-I-L-A-B-I-A-L!!!!!

YAYYYYYYyyyyyy!!!

leaps in air, tries to do splits.

Let's do the wave next.

posted by theora55 17 April | 23:36

wave

posted by Miko 17 April | 23:41

go bilabial go
   go bilabial go
      go bilabial go
   go bilabial go
go bilabial go
   go bilabial go
      go bilabial go
   go bilabial go
go bilabial go

posted by casarkos 17 April | 23:46

You know how to bilabial don't you? Just put your lips together and...

posted by edgeways 18 April | 01:03

Bilabial, you are awesome. You are a high quality ask-me answerer, particularly on human (and dog) relations, so I think you will kick Cultural Anthropology's ass.

posted by By the Grace of God 18 April | 01:29

(Could do with a college cheerleader or two here, but I'm not likely to be the one crying.)

All this academic/professional stuff and you want to start a family at the same time? No stress there! (rolls eyes) I hope you and mister are really solid.

posted by PaxDigita 18 April | 07:52

I'm trying to get better at bowling, see? And I have a ball, and shoes, and I sort of know what to do with my body and my hand and my feet to get the ball to go in the right direction, but my mental game isn't up to par. I worry to much about the last ball, where I fouled out or I gutterballed or I tried to make it go right and it went left instead. When I start getting these negative thoughts, I count to four and then just go. At four, my mind is peacefully empty.

My point is, procrastination is part of a spiral of negative thinking. Instead of worrying about what you did in the past, it's best to focus on what needs to be done RIGHT NOW. Finding and talking to someone who can advise you is a good first step. Doing research for a paper you've been putting off is another. When you find yourself procrastinating, count to four, stand up, and then DO something.

posted by muddgirl 18 April | 07:53

...and you want to start a family at the same time?

Actually, no, I don't want to start a family at the same time. I want to start a family in about a year, as I'm wrapping up my undergrad which I expect to be worlds easier than as I'm in the middle of trying to comlete a dissertation, get hired, or nail tenure. This is the only thing Nick and I aren't solid on. I'm here hoping to get some more insight on having children while in the Ivory tower and/or on the way up the stairs.

Glad you're not likely to be crying PaxDigita.

posted by bilabial 18 April | 08:30

My wife had finished her coursework and most of her research and was writing her dissertation (in a science field) when she informed advisor (a woman) she was pregnant. Her advisor was pretty upset to find out it was planned and was pretty pushy about getting an abortion. That kind of insight?

posted by danostuporstar 18 April | 08:38

Or maybe this kind. Little babies are a huge amount of work. It's a cliche, but think of the worst you've heard and multiply that by 3. And daycare for infants is really expensive.

So your plan of starting your family in the downtime between finishing undergrad and starting grad school sounds like a good one. I really wouldn't plan on getting much done academically for the first 3 or 4 months of the baby's life. After that it starts to get a little easier. Like muddgirl said: just take one task at a time, you'll get there, slowly.

posted by danostuporstar 18 April | 09:03

I'm here hoping to get some more insight on having children while in the Ivory tower and/or on the way up the stairs.

Babysit a hell of a lot, for free, then. Like, until you mildly resent the kid (and the 'rents) at times. Especially a newborn, so you get that all-important sleep-deprivation experience! (Mrs. Pax got migraines, so guess who had the duty every night?) Yeah, that's the way to gain true "insight" -- all the reading and there-I-wuz stories in the world will never prepare you. Give yourself a real "hell year."

You will never work as hard, or experience such low lows, nor such high highs, as when you become a mom or dad. It's why a co-worker once defined "virtual reality" as "marriage before children."

(Hell, I don't think anybody'd be crying -- hopefully just chuckling appreciatively instead.)

posted by PaxDigita 18 April | 09:23

bilabial, seriously, get thee to Bitch, Ph.D. Tons of commenters there faced similar situations, came up with a bunch of different solutions/compromises, and always seem happy to share. It's one of the few sites where I'm always happy to read the comment sections.

Possible places to start: Professor Mama and Moms in the Academy.

posted by occhiblu 18 April | 09:24

FWIW, the grad program I'm in (not anthropology) isn't full of 20-something rockstars with no real world experience (like I'd expected). It's a much more diverse terrain, sociologically speaking. Also, I didn't get my BA until I was 28 -- and I was 33 when I decided to go back to school.

Also, in my class, I find it's generally the people with more life experience that have interesting things to say in class and are really actively engaged in the program.

posted by treepour 18 April | 10:48

You can do it! You're still young enough to almost be a normal age college student! Mrs. Doohickie got her degree in 05 at the ripe old age of 43; she's just been accepted into a graduate program that starts in June that she'll have to balance with a full time gig as a high school teacher.

The best part of finishing school late is that, believe it or not, life experience is every bit as important as academic learning. You will graduate with a bumper crop of both. It's hard to explain why that will help you, but trust me, it will.

You can do it!

posted by Doohickie 18 April | 13:19

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