I was the one who proposed, so I can't really judge how romantic or witty it was, but here's how I did it. My fiancee loves the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. Oxford is particularly significant in those novels and she also went to university there so it is quite a special place for her. I took her there for the weekend, we went for a walk in the Botanic Gardens, I proposed at Lyra's bench. She knew something was up when I kept talking about nothing in particular in order to wait for the punt full of tourists on the river to float by so we could be alone when I popped the question. The weather was gorgeous - it was the end of August and the gardens just looked wonderful (1, 2, 3). The ring was a crappy £5 one from Argos by way of a token until we could choose a nice one. Then I'd booked us into the Randolph Hotel (very posh and I still wince when I remember the bill...) for the night and we had champagne and a spa treatment, and a fantastic dinner.

In terms of nervousness, I was shaking like a leaf right up until the moment I asked!

Hrm. I'm sure I've told this story here before.

OK. There was never any surprise proposal. We were out for brunch drinking bloody marys before a Baltimore Ravens game and one of us (I think it was me) said, "we are going to get married, right?" and the other said "of course!". And then we were all like "in autumn?" "Sure!"

And then we didn't tell anyone, just started planning the wedding. His parents are the sort of people that like a story, so the next time we went away, to a bed & breakfast in Harper's Ferry, WV, we decided we would come back and say we were engaged. I thought that would be the whole deal: normal vacay, come back with an announcement. But we arrived at the place we were staying, and my husband had filled it up with my favorite flowers - irises and lilies. Then he was all like: we have to leave. Now. And started madly driving us around town. I started giggling inside, but didn't say anything, and after a while he grumpily stopped and we went for dinner (I'd worked out that he was looking for a place where we could watch the sun set). I still didn't expect him to actually propose, but the next day we went for a walk up a big hill to a battlefield. And we were looking over the Potomac and Shenendoah Rivers, and at the Blue Ridge mountains, and I turned around, and he was saying how much he loved me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and would I marry him? And then he said "shit" and bobbed down on one knee. And I laughed and said "haven't we already started planning the wedding? of course I'll marry you" and he said "phew". He was genuinely worried!

Then we went to Antietam. Because we do like those battlefields.

I think I'll just sling my girlfriend over my shoulder when it's time.

Hey, it beats a club to the noggin and a draggin by the hair.

Eide, I suggest a kidnapping, Pamela/Borat style.

I said, "Hey, we're getting married at some point, right?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Wanna buy me a ring?"

He said, "Sure." The next day, I went online and found 3-6 rings that I liked. He said, "Those are nice."

A week later, he handed me a package with a little coin purse. Inside was The Perfect Ring.

See? Completely practical and almost entirely unromantic, which was how my parents got engaged and how his parents got engaged.

(It seemed ridiculous to make a big deal about it, since we've been dating for almost 5 years and living together for 2 of them!).

I've told most of the story before. On the anniversary of our first date, we recreated that date, eating at the same place, hanging out on the swings at the same playground, etc. I proposed at the playground.

Then, three years ago today, we did this.

We just sort of repeatedly broached the subject over several years, with increasing frequency: should we get married? Is it okay to do that, to get married? Is that weird? What if my family wants to make a big deal out of it? What if Mom wants to make a God deal of it?

Eventually it came to a head when we'd pretty much decided that getting married would be okay, she had good health insurance, it didn't support domestic partners, and I needed to get my wisdom teeth out. We decided, told essentially no one, got a couple friends to witness, and got married at the courthouse before work one morning a couple weeks after we decided. I called my folks from the office.

We went to Tiffany's a few months later and got gold bands.

We got engaged on the telephone.

The next day we went on our first date.

Mr. Moonpie, Happy Anniversary. What a beautiful family.

A week or so before I turned 21 is when I began dating my husband. We were married 5 years later. Husband and I talked about our future, but didn't talk about marriage much.

We began thinking about it more seriously and even went to look at rings. A few weeks after 'looking' at rings we went to lunch at a little shack on the beach. He proposed on the beach on one knee with a ring he had bought without my knowledge. He was incredibly nervous. It was very sweet.

We went straight to my parents house to share the news. We were married 6 months later in Las Vegas. The whole fam dam came with us and some friends too.

I'm cynical about marriage. I think marriage is good if you want kids, or if it helps your finances considerably. I would have happily lived together for the rest of our days without a piece of paper. The kid thing worried me though. I was pretty sure I wanted kids, and for that reason I wanted to be legally married.

My ex proposed over the phone. We were at college, he had to go home for his grandmother's funeral.

We got engaged on the telephone.

The next day we went on our first date.
posted by bunnyfire 14 April | 11:56

Did you have an arranged marriage, bunnyfire? I'm not trying to be impertinent, but this has really piqued my curiosity.

Of the times I've been asked - they all did the very traditional thing down on the knee.

Times I've actually gotten married: 0.

The first couple of times I was just entirely too young to be thinking about getting married. The third time I just didn't feel the same way or even all that serious about the relationship.

Which turned out good for me because the older I've gotten the more I've realized how impossible I am in relationships because I just don't need or want to be that close to anyone 24/7/365. It's not the sex - it's all the goddamn talking. I don't do well with chatter and I have to be in a rare mood to be able to get through BIG SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS without laughing my ass off.

I was off from work, (just around this time of year, in fact, six years ago). I was in the process of doing laundry across the street, and spending time with my kids. My boyfriend was at work. He called to say he was on his way home, and I went over to put the clothes in the dryer. When I returned, I saw his car and was a little aggravated as he'd walked past the mail. So I brought it in with me. He called to me from the kitchen. I went, where he handed me a bouquet of flowers and got down on one knee. He said "I don't have a ring, but I don't want to wait any longer to have you share my life. Will you marry me?" There I am, with mail in one hand and flowers in the other, with my mouth hanging open. A voice in my head finally said "Say something, stupid!" And I answered him yes. We got a ring several months later (cubic zirconia - as I wanted a rock but not at diamond prices. No one knows the difference). This September will be five years.

Did you have an arranged marriage, bunnyfire?

Hah, no. In the normal sense...

Okay, time to spill the story (this is the ten cent version.)....We met at Bible school years ago. I didn't notice him until-literally-God pointed him out. And He-yes, I am being literal here-told me that this young man was gonna ask me to marry him.

I go to myself, okay, I am losing it. So I prayed and asked God to take all those crazy thoughts out of my head.

Meanwhile God was talking to the young man about ME.

There's really a lot more to the story, but I finally told God, okay, if this is You, tell HIM.

God did. My soon to be intended had a day job involving selling Charles Chips to convenience stores and private homes. God told him to tell the person at every stop that he was getting married (Mind you he hadn't even mentioned the idea to me.) He did so.

Later that night he called me on the phone. By that time I was totally convinced about what God was telling me -like I said, this was a long story and I am giving you the short form-so I knew what was gonna happen ahead of time.

Fast forward to when I went shopping for a wedding dress. Years before a couple of prophetic ladies had seen a vision of me in a wedding gown which they had described in great detail. I wasn't really thinking about it but I kept looking at dresses and trying them on-finally the lady broght one in that was a bit above my budget-but it LOOKED LIKE THE ONE THE LADIES HAD DESCRIBED. I tried it on and it fit perfectly and looked awesome. Then the wedding store lady told me she had to call the factory as she did not know if she could get the dress in time for my wedding-those of you who have bought these things know that usually that takes some time (or at least it used to.)

So she calls the factory. Guy answers the phone while holding a dress. THE dress. MY dress. IN MY SIZE. He was holding MY DRESS IN MY SIZE WHEN HE PICKED UP THE PHONE.

I got it in three weeks.

We were in Maui last year. It was our second night in Kapalua. We were looking out on our lanai as the sun set behind Molokai. The view was enchanting.

It reminded me of something, and I said, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I know the answer is no...."

My guy looked anxious. "OK...."

"Have you ever seen 'South Pacific'? It's a musical, and it's set in guess-where, and every time someone sings the screen gets this weird yellow or blue tint...." and I rabbitted on for another five minutes about how that always bothered me and I wished that someone could "un-colorize" the singing bits.

Despite this, he asked me to marry him.

We got word from the USCIS that our petition has been approved, and we're wating to hear from the American Embassy in London.

Mrs. Plinth proposed to me.

I was crying. And not in a good way.

[You might want to get a cup of tea.]

We had been cross-border dating (the mister is Canadian, I'm American) for almost a year. We were both unhappy at the time we had to spend apart, the time (and money!) spent commuting, etc. We asked at Canadian Customs about how easy it would be for me to move to Canada. Not a problem, we were told. There was a simple form and that was it.

I gave four weeks notice at my job, ordered a moving van, etc. November 27, two weeks before I was to move in with the mister, I stopped in at Canadian Customs (on my way home to Seattle) to see if I could fill out the form and get the ball rolling. I talked to a different officer than the one who had given us the thumbs up. She said it wasn't quite so easy, they didn't just let anyone move to Canada, blah blah blah.

I managed to contain my tears until I got to the car. I started driving back to the mister's place (rather than continue to Seattle) and finally pulled over to call him. He had just gotten to work but said he'd meet me at his place as soon as he could get there.

Once he got back, we both drove back down to Customs and talked to the same lady. We "didn't hear it from her" but the best way and easiest way for us to move in together was to get married.

We drove back to his place and we talked and talked and talked some more. Finally he said something like, "so, I suppose we should just get married." We talked some more and I drove down to Seattle and he went back to work. Neither of us told anyone we were engaged.

He got it all organised over the next couple days and we were married the following Saturday (December 2, 2000). I went back to Seattle Sunday night and moved in with him the next week (December 9th).

My mum and oldest brother have told me they'll never forgive me for not telling them. They're only half joking.

Neither of us wanted to get married at the time but we don't regret it. And some day we'll do it for us, not the government.

We have done this thread a number of times I believe, but I never tire of sharing our story.