gah! disklike = dislike. I also dislike my crappy online proofreading skills, but that's another post.

Not-at-all-helpful advice: T-Rex tells how to please a man.

Aw. This doesn't help, but it sure is clear from the way you speak about him in your comments that you are happy to be on his team. Sorry you had a bad moment. It happens to all of us.

Aw, thanks, Miko. I am really happy to be on his team -- that's why I feel so darn bad about it.

And drezdn, T.Rex is ALWAYS helpful!

Does he like steak? If my girlfriend made me a nice steak (or took me out to get steak), regardless of whether it was to apologize for something, it would make my day.

You sound like a very good girlfriend for wanting to make it up to him. ::pat on back::


And yeah, good call on the BJ.

Are there any hobbies or activities he talks about taking up, but never has? A couple of years ago, my wife and I had a blowout fight; her peace offering, which really meant a lot to me, was a sketchpad and set of pencils because I'd been talking off and on about learning to draw.

This assumes he hasn't idly been talking about, say, base jumping or hang gliding.

Do we know him?
You gotta give us more of a bead on this guy. What kinds of things does he like?

scody, would you care to share more details about your alleged transgression.

my wife and I get into conflicts about this, trying to balance our individuality with the "us" in there.

it's just interesting to me, the dynamics of sharing your life with someone.

if this is asking too much, please forgive me the question.

(and blowjobs suck when they are obligatory, anyway)

citrusfreak: he does like steak, and I don't think he's had any since I made him filet mignon for Valentine's day. That's a good idea.

cobra: also a good idea, but I'm coming up a little blank... The only thing I can think of is that he's mentioned wanting to get a bike.

eth: he's a very funny, very easygoing guy who collects old comic books and vintage pinups (I wish I could hack his ebay account to see what he's bidding on currently, and get it for him myself!). He's also into writing, film noir, exercise, and his dog.

danf: I'd rather not go into details. Suffice to say that we were at a dinner party, and I was feeling extremely irritated and (uncharacteristicaly) uncomfortable for reasons that had nothing to do with my boyfriend, but came out in the form of a very cutting remark to him in front of his friends.

A fantastic massage.

Pin up pose scody! Do your hair like Vivian Lee or Betty Page and get one of those cool forties or fifties dresses, i think Kellydammit had a link to some daddyo shop.
so sdress up or take a glamour shot. i'd totally make a poster painting of it, like an old movie painted poster. Think like that vanity fair noir spread.
And steak.

Or just make those potatoes he likes and say in a very quiet voice, "I made you those potatoes you like." Then exchange meaningful glances.

I second the steak thing. Take him out for a really nice dinner.
Or see if any film noir classics are playing at a local rep cinema.
Or rent some good DVDs and get some good beer.

Since you live in LA (at least that is what I seem to remember) you could take him here and then take your shoes off and stroll along the sand in Hermosa.

It's a sweet little place, and I grew up right around the corner. . .

Anything he likes which you generally let him enjoy on his own? If he loves Star Trek, for example, but you generally leave the room for alone time when it comes on, perhaps you can make a sincere exception and watch an episode with him.

Second the meal-making and extraordinary sexual favors also.

I'm a pretty sensitive, evolved male. While all kinds of things like (simple) flowers and a note would be very nice, as would a massage or any of the other recommendations, those are all things folks should do for each other anyway.

However. Ahem. Goddamnit I really do hate saying this.

I really don't think you can go wrong with steak and a BJ. And a beer. It's pretty universally appealing.

And I'm not even BJ-centric at all. It's not even in my top 5 favorite things to do in bed with someone. I would, frankly, rather snuggle and take a nap.

But guys being guys - even for the sensitive, evolved ones, as long as they haven't totally wimped out - you'd search far and wide to find more powerful words and actions than: Steak. Blowjob. Beer!

Steak. Blowjob. Beer!

OK we have our Photo Friday topic. No more calls, please!

what he said.

I wish I could hack his ebay account to see what he's bidding on currently, and get it for him myself

Do you know his eBay username? If so, you can look up the auctions he's bidding on currently (or have closed in the last 30 days, even if he wasn't the high bidder). Just click on Advanced Search and then in the left-hand menu it's Items by Bidder. I believe you need to have an eBay account to use that search.

Dress like a vintage pinup!

what she said. and what he said,

Okay, steak's on the menu! I've actually done the vintage dress-up thing before (the last time I made steak for V-day, actually!), and it's certainly gone over very well (ahem), so perhaps it's time to bring that out again (pity I've grown out my Bettie Page bangs).

(And thanks for the ebay tip, nelvana! Disappointingly, he doesn't appear to be bidding on anything very interesting right now [random bits of camera equipment, but nothing gift-worthy], and the cool stuff that he was bidding on in the past month are all things that he won.)

Just say "I'm sorry I didn't back you up, I blew it, but I learned something, do you wanna go get a drink or something?". Now that's not universal advice, but it would work on me, just acknowledging the mistake. I end up more resentful if someone tries too hard to make things up to me before I get a chance to just get over it and be happy that I'm with someone who is capable of admitting a mistake.

In other words it's not the apology but the moving on. A steak is nice too I guess.

I'm so glad my steak (and implied blowjob) idea was so well received! :)

Steak. Blowjob. Beer.
The foundation upon which Man Law is built, I would think.

Oh, and I nth the vintage dressup thing.

What a nice thing to ask about. He'd be a fool if he didn't know how much you like being on his team, and I can't really see you dating a fool.

he's a very funny, very easygoing guy who collects old comic books and vintage pinups

The vintage dressup thing is brilliant. And does he have this?

T-Rex my ass. "Men like a woman who remembers his birthday".
Nope.
It's Women who want their birthdays remembered. Guys wouldn't care a hang.
so bad advice from T-Rex. The musician was better.

Obligatory sex¿
Yaaaawn. He'll notice that for sure too, on top of the 'transgression' — in your mind though, scody.

Did he Say anything about getting cut by your remark. Any signs you could point us to¿
Maybe all you wanted to do is just plain stir up some shit or start some tongues a waggin', because you were bored or 'something' ]you mention[ made you feel uncomfortable.....
"for reasons that had nothing to do with my bf" —
Then Whom¿ Should you be hangin' with that person/them ever again¿

Instead of popping the person who made you uncomfortable, you directed your anger at your bf. Not uncommon a thing.
Is that the gist of it¿ I'm getting that impression.

So what. You didn't realize at the time for you feeling uncomfortable was because ... ]fill in the blank[. Bf'll survive and if he doesn't bend to peer pressure, ]what his friends may think of your action[ no big deal.

so Easy on the obligatory blow jobs, flowers, pinups, chocolates and single malt scotches...etc, whatever. Ya know¿ Just let him know, what the deal was with you 'about last night'...can he deal¿

Good. He should, he's your bf. If he says diffeerently, you need to address that then, why you did what you did. Supposedly....you say it was uncharacteristic of you....

ok, a bottle of single malt scotch it is. You say he doesn't drink single malt. Well, one uncharacteristic move deserves another. Make him drink it 'for the team'. I'm being facetious here.

BTW, shouldn't you be giving and getting head everyday respectively¿ Is it supposed to be some monthly bonus or something¿

Too bad Exene's tchotchke place is closed....maybe something from Golden Apple or Secret Stash West?

I'm with alicesshoe on this, coming late to this thread.

I've done this in the past and attempts by me to make amends by way of a 'treat' for the partner did not work and in fact made it worse, because he felt he was then being patronised.

What did work was me saying "I'm sorry, my behaviour towards you was disrespectful, and I apologise for hurting your feelings."

End of. Move on. Don't refer to it again.

Thirded. Apologise & move on. If you must do something then small is good. A bag of his favourite sweets; a photoshopped "She Hulk Was Angry; She Hulk Say Sorry" card.

If it were me, the following would work...
- Bag of Fizzy Fangs (jelly sweets)
- Chorizo sausage.
- Oversized can of beer.
- Ice Cream.
- mix CD.

Anything that I wouldn't normally buy, which is temporary and which I consider awesome.

Anything expensive or overly orchestrated would just make me uncomfortable.

Hey - And men like flowers too.

Hey - And men like flowers too.

This is true.

And we receive them so infrequently that it's pretty fucking rad when we do.

Yes, I said "rad."

So?

Did he Say anything about getting cut by your remark. Any signs you could point us to¿

Well, it was pretty subtle. The conversation that began with him saying "I'm really pissed off and hurt by what you said the other night, and I want to know what the hell that was about" was a clue.

He's a guy who expresses his feelings very directly, and is very big into dealing with conflict, hurt feelings, etc. as they arise -- much more so than any man I've ever known. Apologizing (when someone has wronged the other) and talking it out are very, very big for him, and acts of kindness also mean a lot to him. So that's why, beyond talking it out and apologizing unreseveredly, I wanted to do something special for him -- he certainly wouldn't expect it, but I know he'd like it.

So! By the time I came over last night, we'd had a couple of good phone conversations (the remark I'd made had caused him to infer [incorrectly] that I was unhappy with him over much broader issues), so the "talking it out" part was over and cool. So I asked if he wanted to grab a bite. He said yes, and started ticking off the litany of our usual neighborhood restaurants -- sushi, Mexican, the new bar & grill, etc. I just smiled and told him to get in the car (to which he raised his eyebrows and grinned), and drove to Musso & Frank, the coolest old steak house in Hollywood (where we've always meant to go together, but somehow never made the time).

Ironically enough, he actualy wound up ordering pork chops! But the night was still a pretty big hit. (Didn't have time to dress up, but maybe that'll be another little surprise in the next few days...) It was a slow night, so no star sightings (last time I was there with a friend, I saw Bob Balaban.)

And as for blowjobs, well... my original comment about the physical side being taken care of was to indicate that there's already no shortage of blowjobs in his life as it is! In other words, there's no such thing as "obligatory" sexual favors between us -- just, um, lots of sex. So in that sense, let's just say that last night was no exception to our usual routine.

Good for you then, scody. Um, about the talking it out part. The rest is your bidness, it was just a question.
It's always healthier to air it out as opposed to resentment stewing without discussion. feh. All adults should talk and discuss. ok, everyone, kids included then.

Oooh scody! Musso's was one of grampa's favorites . Did you have the cream of tomato soup? It was often the only thing I'd order when he and his second wife would take me out to lunch and my ex-stepgrandmother would get very annoyed that I wasn't having anything else. They change their menu every day--not just the daily specials.

Glad you worked things through with scodyboy. :-)