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How can something that feels as good as a hug still make me cringe? I'm sure it's something from my chilhood, but still. I'm getting better at it, with the help of friends like Pips, who has a fourth degree blackbelt in hugging.
Pips is the Muhammad Ali of hugging, my friends. (believe it or not, my friend Tennessee Sam is the Joe Frazier of hugging. no joke)
I actually like the European cheek-kiss thing, but that reads as hopelessly pretentious here
I used to be kind of awkward about that, owing to a grandma who like kissing with her dentures out, but druring my tenure in Miami, all my Latino co-workers were real big on the kiss greeting which broke me of the that awkwardness.
It's not really a 'YOU'RE TOO CLOSE' culture thing, it's an 'I DON'T LIKE TO BE FORCED TO DO ANYTHING' thing, and when people go to hug you when you don't want to be touched, they get offended that I don't want a hug, so I just suck it up and allow myself to be touched. The funny thing is, it's completely situational and there are times when none of this is true, and there are people for whom this isn't true ever, and people who I like a great deal who I hate being hugged by. So it isn't something peculiar about my culture, unless I really am diminishable to some automatic American archetype; it's something peculiar about me. My attempts to conquer it sometimes feel completely natural, and sometimes feel furtive and weird. It shows.
You want to win my heart? Slap me five. I'll extend my right hand to you, palm up, and you slap downward on it with a resounding smack. No returns, just one slap. That really warms me up.
I like hugging friends, but I hate hate HATE the hugging that goes on in AA. No, I do NOT want to hug that old lech who stinks of cigarettes and has bad breath and is so tall that I just get a whiff of his stinky unwashed and undeodorised armpits, thank you!
I'm with you, ej--I like hugging friends, but not people I don't know (or want to know) that well--I had an experience where there were several people I knew who I hugged goodnight, but one I didn't know as well and when he went to hug me I backed off and presented my hand...he wasn't creepy, but I wasn't ready for that yet. About shaking hands, it's the woman's prerogative whether she wants to or not when introducing herself and it's rude for the guy to reach out first.
I especially did NOT like being backed into a corner by someone I didn't know who was desperate to get laid.
Like Hugh, I haven't been all that fond of hugs in the past. Mum said that I've been like that all my life - didn't like being touched even when really young. The mister has helped me loosen up on the hug front. I even hug my brothers! I'm game for getting hugs from friends but I won't instigate them because I don't know how they'll be received.
Those who have met me will tell you: I don't ambush people with a hug on the VERY first meeting, but on the second meeting or even at the END of the first time we meet, you're likely to get hugged. :)
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
