This ties in to something I was going to post earlier today... Is it just me or has the quality of Dear Abby questions went down hill in recent years...?

Now it's all, my boyfriend just got out of prison, how should I dress for his return home?

My thought on reading that was to wonder if the child had been sexually abused in some way.

I've parented three children and seen plenty of other kids and have NEVER seen that kind of behavior in a child.

"...Is it just me or has the quality of Dear Abby questions went down hill in recent years...? ..."

Has this been especially apparent to you since AskMe went live in 2003? 'Cause, you know, all the really vexing relationship and human interest questions are going there, now...

And my thought after reading the link was that Prudence should have suggested, at least in passing, that they should get the kid checked for infections, worms, or similar physiological problems, because I've never seen or heard of a 4 year old girl doing anything consistently for 45 minutes at a time, much less humping coffee tables.

I also thought the answer she gave was crap. There's something wrong with a child behaving like this and somehow convincing her that she shouldn't do it in public doesn't solve anything. I can only hope they consult someone more experienced for advice.

Y'all have never taught kindergarten.

"OMG, Ella's humping Barney."

The best part is the answer is signed "Prudie".

That reminded me of the episode of House M.D. where the mother thinks her toddler is sick when instead the kid has been self-pleasuring.


House: "You mix rocking, grunting, sweating and dystonia with concerned parents, and you get an amateur diagnosis of epilepsy. In actuality, all your little girl is doing is saying 'yoo-hoo to the hoo-hoo.' "
Mom: "She's what?"
House: "Marching the penguin. Ya-ya-ing the sisterhood. Finding Nemo."
Girl: (giggling) "That was funny."
House: "It's called gratification disorder. Sort of a misnomer. If one was unable to gratify oneself, that would be a disorder."


It's impossible to convey in text only, the tone of voice and facial expression he used when he said "finding nemo".

I don't know much about kids but I have read in plenty of reputable sources that this can be perfectly normal behavior, and the kid just needs to be taught the difference between public and private behavior. BTW, that's what Dr. House told the mom, to teach the kid that she should only do that in private.

It's fairly normal. I know a girl-child who does something similar but she does it at only at home. The kid needs to be told that doing it is okay, she just needs to do it in the privacy of her own bedroom.

Or, of course, what 'tilda said.

Yes, to expand on my brief comment, it's definitely within the realm of normal. If you talk to most teachers of young children and day care providers and such, you'll find they're fairly blase about it. In the old days, people did often leap to "sexual abuse omg!" but in fact, lots of kids do "that thing." Some kids quite often, others just now and then.

It was kind of startling, when I first started teaching,t he amount of sexually related content you find in your average kindergarten. There's quite a bit of boundary checking, pee-pee talk, doctor play, streaking, and that sort of thing. It's part of the general 'wow, i have a body' experience that goes on at age 4 and 5 or so. There's a lot of weird behavior that can be intensley obsessive for a while, and then fade as the kids gradually become more socialized. Some kids are nose pickers, some are thumbsuckers, some rock back and forth, some twirl their hair, and some find Nemo.

The professional consensus seems to be that the best way to handle it is not to freak out, but to confine it to 'alone time,' and let matters take their course. Almost all kids stop on their own, mostly because some kid next to them at circle time says something like "Why are you doing that?" and they get the message, suddenly, that not everybody thinks it's cool. At least not at circle time.

"It was kind of startling, when I first started teaching, the amount of sexually related content you find in your average kindergarten."

How soon we forget. I grew up in dairy farm country, so my playgroup met in haymows. My first sexual experience came when I was four and she was seven. Also in attendance were a five year old boy and girl, and a six year old girl. Thereafter, our encounters were fullblown orgies. This lasted for about three years when we all discovered that we could ride other school buses and meet other kids.

Hell, I had more sex (such as it was) before I was ten than I had during my late 30s.

"Worms"???

Worms = parasitic infections that make you itch in your nether region.

Also: count me as another person who sees this behavior as normal, and agrees that the child should be taught to do it in private.

I know about the worms. I just thought it would have made for a dumb answer.

Oh. Heh.

It's completely normal. My kids would play with their penis all day if they could. It's such a convenient toy.

"My kids would play with their penis"

The poor things have to share one?

ha, penises.

Sometimes kids liked to touch dad's penis in the shower. Dad says, "you play with your own penis."

Penis. Penis. Penis.

you play with your own penis.

hahahaha

I remember my little sister in the bath with my dad, rather forcefully grabbing at his floating penis. He told her "Whoa, whoa! Sorry honey, that's daddy's penis, and you can't play with it."

Peonies!