hadjiboy, forgive me: what's the question?

(I've had the same experiences, not being able to say up-front that you're attracted to someone. In fact, it's never, ever been a luxury I've had. But that's another story.)

I've recently had a conversation with my mom on how, as she ages, she gets more and more beautiful. I've always thought my mom was a knockout, but I think she herself is finally getting comfortable with the idea of being attractive to others. If sixty's the new forty, well, she's quite the 45 year-old. It was a quite enlightening discussion. :-)

Heh, sorry about that mudpuppie; I’ve got so many thoughts running through my mind at the same time, sometimes they just seemed to get jumbled up.
I was asking about any conversations that you all have with your mothers, and specifically, those which relate to the opposite sex, um, and your attraction to them.
I suppose for the ladies I should be asking if they have those sorts of sessions with their dads?

WolfDaddy, my mother’s on the same page as yours, and it feels great to see her enjoying herself a little bit more, even though I constantly ask her to be more spontaneous.
I’ve been begging her to get her hair cut, and go in for one of those make-overs that she loves to watch on Oprah, but she refuses adamantly.
I still haven’t given up that battle yet.

The only time I had a conversation like that was when I was in sixth grade, and my mom teased me about taking someone to a dance. I stopped telling my family about my private life right then and there, after coming to the correct conclusion that it's none of their damn business, and now it'd feel weird after all this time to even skate around the edges of a conversation with them about finding people attractive. I can't even imagine what the words would sound like.

That is a conversation I have never and will never have with my Mother.

Hard to do with my mom as she gets more and more isolated and depressed as she ages (by her choice). My dad and I are developing more of a peer relationship, especially as I have gone deeply into fatherhood and homeowing. I'm getting a lot more "oh yeah, I remember those days [and I miss/don't miss them]."

I never discussed people I found attractive with my mother. Except maybe something casual, like a celebrity or "Doctor so and so is such a hunk."

Just remembered. When my husband and I were around 20 we worked at the same place. Husband didn't date much and was introverted. I guess his mother was getting worried about his lack of dating. We worked at a big flea market so she would visit sometimes. She would make comments like, "Lori looks pretty today." I honestly think she planted the idea of me into his brain. Oh god, the humanity.

I've always had conversations like that with my mother although they're much more free wheeling now that she's almost 80 and has rediscovered her inner Emma Goldman. My mom is quite the fire breathing political revolutionary these days, has made a bunch of young lesbian friends (this from the woman who called me weeping the first time she spotted a gay pride parade on TV, so it's quite a step) and says things like "shit" regularly. She's always been a free thinker anyway although the first time she mentioned someone being attractive it kind of threw me. Now I'm cool with it. And, of course, I have these conversations with my own daughter all the time: in fact, we have been known to rent movies rather specifically for the eye candy contained within and watch them together while making all kinds of comments which render all the guys in the house supremely uncomfortable. It's great. My son, on the other hand, absolutely flat refuses to tell me anything at all about girls; I have to get it all from inference and the fact that he often forgets to clear his google history.

I have had conversations with my mom about the attractiveness of guys I've dated and others. My father, not so much. Here are the only conversations I can recall having with my father about my relationships:
1. While fixing an electrical short in my car after work one day - dad tells me he doesn't like my current boyfriend because he lets me down too much. I should have listened.
2. After living on my own for the first time, I had to move back in with my father. I sat him down and told him there would be nights I didn't come home because I was staying at my boyfriend's house. That was a little strange.

My parents are fairly typical ethnic Catholics, so we weren't exactly a New Age caring and sharing type family and I kept thant kind of stuff to myself. I didn't date in high school since I was a gawky, pimply spazz loser who hung out with the stoner kids so that didn't exactly put me at the top of the dating hit parade, making the whole thing moot. One of my ex-girlfriends, who happens to be bi, saw a picture of my mom in my wallet and said, 'your moms kind of hot,' which may have been one of the squickiest moments of my life. Several girls I've dated, Pips included, have commented on how my Dad is a handsome guy, and I've heard tell that he was something of a Ladies Man before marrying my mom, and a sharp dresser (that gene must've skipped a generation), my aunt says he'd pay her 50 cents to shine his shoes so he could wear them out for a night of drinking with his buddies on the beach. That's dedication. And both my sisters have had their share of suitors, too. I guess I was the defective child in the family in that regard, among others.

And yet you have Pips. Don't sweat it. Better to have one great love than a bunch of adolescent sex. At least that's the way I see it, and I didn't much in h.s. either. ;- )

As for the topic.... I had this conversation with my mom. I may have alluded to it before. About 5 years after my dad died at 65, my mom started seeing another man. I heard about this through my brother, but there came a point were my mom felt compelled to tell me this (since I live 1400 miles away and I don't see these day-to-day things). The conversation went something like this.

Mom: Well, you'll probably find out eventually, so this is probably as good a time as any to tell you. I'm dating someone.

Me: Hey, that's great...

Mom: Now, mind you, we're *just dating*; we're not getting married or anything.

Me: Oh, so you're just living in sin with him? ;- )

Mom: ...

Mom: ...

Mom: ...

Mom: ...

Mom: Do I have to answer that?

Me: No Mom, you don't!

(But I guess I got my answer!)

Mum and I often discuss who's hot and who's not. Well, it's not like we make time to have that sort of discussion, but it comes up if we're watching a movie or looking at a magazine or see someone on the street.

What's really fun is telling your mum that you find people of the same sex attractive. No, really. This was after her telling me that she thought I was asexual. That's so far from the truth as to be ludicrous or hilarious or sad or something.
:^)

And yet you have Pips. Don't sweat it. Better to have one great love than a bunch of adolescent sex.

Oh, I had my share of post-adolescent sex, believe me. But, you are right, all the rolls in the hay in the world can't make up for true love.

What's really fun is telling your mum that you find people of the same sex attractive.

You want I should give mom a heart attack? I ain't no murderer.

yeah, my mother and I don't talk about feelings. To the extent that I didn't want to tell her that mr. g and I were engaged because I geniunely didn't know how to express happiness to her. And how she would react. And this was on the phone from the other side of the world.

Then again, it also took me two weeks to get up the courage to tell her (by email) that she hurt my feelings by forgetting my birthday again. We're not so good at sharing.

What's really fun is telling your mum that you find people of the same sex attractive.

Or your mum telling you that people of the same sex find her attractive. As happened recently when a much younger lady hit on her in a Home Depot (natch!?). She calls me from her cell and is so flustered that, seriously, I thought she was saying she got hit on by Lebanon. Yes, Lebanon.

(In discussing Lillian Helman's play, "The Children's Hour")
Goldwyn : Maybe we ought to buy it?
Associate: Forget it, Mr. Goldwyn, its about Lesbians.
Goldwyn : That's okay, we'll make them Americans.

I've got plinth's situation in reverse. I never had a "buddy" relationship with my dad growing up. We talked, sure, even hugged, but we never talked about hopes and fears and love and stuff like that. No, I don't mean in a girly way either (girly as a Bud Lite commercial would see it).

It's always been my mother I've been a "peer" with, at least since adolescence. I've been able to talk to her occasionally about relationship stuff, like my last break-up, but generally only after the fact, not during the working-it-through phase.

lol @ WolfDaddy. Mum's been hit on a couple times as well but she's fine with it; she takes it as the compliment it is.

My Mom and I talk about everything. I can remember her smiling at me and nudging me once on the beach because a boy was watching me French braid my hair. I think she knew I had low self-esteem, so she would take moments to point out that other people thought I was attractive, as I was so sure I wasn't.
When I was a teen and she was dating, I can remember several times where I'd do her makeup for her. (I've always thought my Mom is beautiful, but she was hesitant about experimenting with makeup so she would ask me). We were always pretty open with each other about most things, though not everything! She's always been supportive of me and she's seen me through a lot. I've also seen her through just as much if not more, so we're good for each other.

And from the mommy TMI department:

Shortly after my dad passed, my mom was lonely and called me. I suppose that since I live far away, she feels more comfortable confiding in me than in my brothers sometimes. Anyway, in the middle of a reminiscence about dad, she suddenly blurted out, "He was so damned sexy!"