So lately... →[More:]
I accidentally found out the guy I've been casually seeing since last spring was just on a "break" from his long-term girlfriend when we met, and she had actually moved in with him in December. It just happens that they have issues and he is not faithful to her. I wish he had told me this a few months ago. I feel like such a fool.

The guy I've posted about here and on AskMe, the one I had such a huge crush on and wanted to date, the one who I thought was so amazing and brilliant and sexy? Him.

This is the first time in the almost two weeks since I found this out that I've been able to talk or write about it without crying. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about it, like, every waking second. (And hey, I'm not actually done writing this yet, so I shouldn't speak too soon.)

He told me he had no idea I had feelings for him, despite the fact that I outright told him. He said that I told him from the start that I didn't want a relationship. I don't remember that, but even if I did, it doesn't mean it held true over after seeing him the better part of a year.

I have no idea how I should feel. I am angry, and hurt, and dismissive, and embarrassed, and brokenhearted. I am usually all of these things at once. And I miss him. I miss the hope I had for us in the longer-term. I miss sex. I still want him, which I'm told is stupid, but I can't help it.

I put up a dating profile as consolation and got lots of responses, but none of them compare in my mind. None of them even come close. And... he replied to it too. He was going by an alias, but I know it was him. I called him on it but said it was nice he picked me out of the masses twice, but he hasn't come clean; he hasn't responded at all.

This post is a mess, but since I was whining here about my heartache I thought I should post about my heartbreak too. It probably seems stupid but I am having a hard time even imagining life a month from now. I am just taking it day by day.