Whoa, high tech office! Everything but the flying car, Mr. Jetson! The elevators sound awesome but a potential Disaster Movie if they malfunction. They'd better have at least a Panic Button inside.

Wait, you're an accountant...in The Future?!?!? And we're not slaves to talking apes and/or zombies? Well, that's a relief. *goes outside, buys magazines on transforming your bunker into a tasteful guest cottage for fun and profit*

I'm glad this turned out well for you, Hugh, and that you're happy at your work. Well done, good sir.

Perfectly designed so anyone not in the know is guaranteed to stand around poking the wrong buttons helplessly until security comes to take them away.
Nice to have you around, Hugh.
When do they let m out of the penalty box?

woo! Some day you'll have to sneak a photo of that supply closet... I can't quite imagine that one.

We have a biobar from Sigma-Aldrich that sounds remarkable similar to that supply closet. You type your username, scan your finger and then pick what you need from a list of items. Then the appropriate door opens, you take your item and away you go! The resupply is automatic as well!

Oooh I like those elevators! I've stayed in hotels with those ones.

You neglected to discuss the bathrooms, though.

But how are you supposed to swipe office supplies, then?

Well, all the toilets flush automatically and the water that pours when you press the "warm" button by the sink is, indeed, warm. Unfortunately they supply wasteful paper towels for hand-drying, doubtless some initiative was coshed by a higher-up who doesn't like to wait for a blower or one of those nifty UV hand dryers. They do have those nice fluorescent lights with the special wavelength that makes you look a little healthier than you really are.

The cafeteria is quite good, and no more expensive than anywhere outside the office (except for maybe the corner halal stand or a slice, but it's Times Square; going street level is a hassle). Predictably, you have a food service cash card you fill up at machines by the elevator banks, and then at the register you slip your card into a reader so the teller never handles money. I'm sure this cuts down on health problems due to people eating lunch right after handling grubby money. It also means that, whenever you stop going to the cafeteria, your card will have a balance on it, and Restaurant Associates will reap a small windfall. Bastards.

I think I'm going to go hit the Flavia and make my third chai latte of the morning. Tally ho!

you swipe your card and open these windows to get at your supplies, and it counts how much you've taken and resupplies daily

Jeez, who are you working for, The Central Scrutinizer?

Goodness. The last time I managed to get any supplies was when my school threw a bunch of overflow stuff into the hallway during Regents week and let us teachers have at it like pack wolves. Otherwise, there's a request form the school aides just generally ignore.

(By the by, that general glow of happiness you feel, HJ, is no doubt from the high oxygen air the office pumps in.)

Gosh . .if I had to BUY office supplies for personal use, I am not sure how or where I would accomplish that.

That, and duct tape.

As a matter of fact, jonmc, I am. Enterprise support services for the Northeast sector of one of the world's biggest accounting and consulting firms. It's office management, sort of: I make sure sattelite office managers' actual outlays are in line with their budgets (not just supplies, but rent, computers, flowers on Assistant's Day, non-client related travel, &c.). If things are out of line, they have to explain themselves. Since our firm is hired by outside companies to audit and account for their business, you could say I watch the watchers.

So you can see, elizard, why they have such an insanely secure system for office supplies in place. The systems we use are, in a sense, a product we sell.

And yeah, LunaticFringe, that's how it works. Swipe card, key number, open door, take.

(By the by, that general glow of happiness you feel, HJ, is no doubt from the high oxygen air the office pumps in.)

That almost made me exhale tea out my nose. Thanks a lot, Pips. ;)

Hey danf, when I was working over the winter on TV production, I got all the gaffer's tape I could swipe. Works better than duct tape, and it's something like $25 a roll.

And, Pips, here I thought my happy glow was from high octane chai. I can hardly smell the extra O₂ with all the CH₄ I'm giving off.

Do you have an assistant named Dwight?

Chai?? Do you pee standing up or sitting down?? (I pee sitting down myself, mainly for the rest, but that's beside the point). I'm tucking into the Artery Clogge Hero (no shit, that's what it's called on the menu, spelling and all)I ordered last night: three eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, and American cheese on a buttered hero roll. I threw on a few hot peppers for flavor, and I'm washing it down with raspberry malt liquor. Yumm, rugged lunch.

I got all the gaffer's tape I could swipe.

That means you're gonna want to start gaffing. and that leads nowhere good.

I would never pay for a chai, but I have a three-cup coffee limit, and the spicy aroma is so enticing. Why, it relaxes and charges me at the same time. I feel like I'm drifting along on a placid lake behind the wheel of a 1200 horsepower Cigarette boat.

I had a cheese steak last night, and suffered no ill effects. Seriously. NO ILL EFFECTS! I'm weaning myself back onto dairy, little by little. Someday soon I'm gonna try pizza.

we'll work you up to this in no time bro:

≡ Click to see image ≡

I make sure sattelite office managers' actual outlays are in line with their budgets (not just supplies, but rent, computers, flowers on Assistant's Day, non-client related travel, &c.). If things are out of line, they have to explain themselves.

I'm surprised they need actual people to do that. You'd think the managers would be able to do this simply by swiping a card.

You're absolutely correct, essexjan; they don't need actual people to do my job. Please don't tell my boss.

I'm trying to imagine you in that office environment and my brain may have just blown a gasket. This definitely requires pictures and maybe a clandestine visit from the bunny crew on vaguely "legit" business.

You've never seen me in a suit and tie, have you, TrishaLynn? I look like a fucking cop. Seriously. Kids cross to the other side of my street when I walk home from the 7 train.

Also, the lobby security here is pretty heavy. Maybe you could all hide inside an empty fuel truck, like Cagney in White Heat.

Always pegged you for a narc.

I told you you could have cooked cheese, HJ. If it's good for my Aunt Rita, it's good for you, dammit.

(My Aunt Rita looks and sounds just like Judge Judy, by the way. And she pinches, too.)

I love a man in a suit and tie! But I thought we'd all wear leotards and tunics in the future. That's what TV said.