Ouch. You're a good friend eth. {hugs}

Does she naturally turn to the net for that kind of communal support and sharing? I only ask because it's possible that medium just isn't doing it for her, and she might instead need to expand her physical network rather than her virtual one.

At any rate, I can't help with any specific sites. But my heart goes out to you both, and the children.

i'm not sure how much web experience she has any more but she asked for this kind of help before as mentioned. The fact that it is removed but accessible is part of what works about it but then i don't know how savvy she is as far as what is "the usual" crap a lot of us already know to discount. For instance, she sent one of those warning emails about needles in gas pumps once, but that was a long time ago.
It just happened, so when the tribes spread out again, she'll need more in the way of support, but it's more so she has a means to talks to people who have been through the same thing and just an option/ suggestion.
i don't know what it has to be so specific but what to expect with the kids would probably help no matter what.
i don't want her getting sucked into webworld at a vulnerable time either so i'd check them out first and, ya know, keep tabs on her.

That's so sad...those poor kids. Damn. Sorry, I don't know of any good sites either.

i don't know that not what
sorry, tired

Oh ethylene, I'm so sorry. Brain cancer is what killed my friend who went at the end of January - it's heartbreaking and miserable and I don't know what helps. It does seem as if there ought to be some online support group but I've never found one - when my father was dying of liver cancer I went looking but all I found were medical groups and while they were very nice & all it wasn't what I was looking for. She may do better with a straight grief thing; have you looked at maybe Salon or somewhere like that, which is a little protected and seems to have some active forums? I wish I could be of more help but all I can offer is sympathy, and, god help us both, understanding.

just got an email from an old friend this morning; an old professor and ex-lover of mine (yeah, shut up) passed away on Sunday as well. Christ this is a harsh season, this year, this winter, this unforgiving, turning century.

I'm sorry for your loss, ethylene.

I also had a very close friend who died from this, pre-internet. Fucking fucking fuck this disease.

Good luck, darling... I'm resisting the urge to just go around searching, because I know you've already done this, and are looking for something that someone can recommend more specifically. So, so sorry.

Sorry mgl; sorry everyone, all around.

What a tragedy. So sorry.

A good grieving site that someone could genuinely recommend would be a fine lead to add to things to better check out.
He was nonresponsive since late December.
He was 36.

So, SO sorry to hear it, eth. :( I lost a friend to brain cancer when we were both in our early 30s... it's a brutal disease.

I wish I knew of a site that could help your friend's wife.

Eth, might any of the resources at BeliefNet be of help? There are discussion groups, "prayer" groups, and so forth, and I've always found the site to be balanced and open.

i know you mean well, tr33, but i'm sure she's, let's say, more than full up of that side of spirituality, without getting into it. Pretty much anything that is Christianity based is not the idea. If you to need focus on some specific aspect of spirituality (?), think pagan or at least ancient, but more straight grief, less Jesus chaser.
If anything, it's going to be my aspects in all the "other" that will make me any help at all.
i'm fairly sure it was glioblastoma.
This is getting to be too hard for me to talk about. Sorry.
Dealing with death for years now and i'm so tired.

My wife tutors kids from the school district that for whatever reason can't be in school. She has had one kid, Mason, with brain cancer. Apparently, all the chemo and radiation has not stopped it, the dr's are giving up, so the mom is taking him to Ecuador for some kind of experimental treatment. Those things don't end well, in my experience. My wife's pretty upset about it all.

Death just sucks. I am sorry for your friend and his family.

I'm so sorry.

so sorry ethylene and mgl.

My condolences, ethylene. The forums at Salon are good. This one might work. That one is part of TableTalk. The Well, which Salon bought a few years ago, has very strong communities but they only have a group for "health". WebMD is also good, but it feels like less of a community than Salon. They don't have a group for brain cancer, they just have a category for cancer (here).

All my best to your friend's wife and children.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, ethylene. And yours, mgl. Big hugs to you both.

Thanks, halonine
and thanks everyone, really, for trying and helping me mourn in a way

to continue on with the site requests i think from what i've seen so far, grief specific would be better over cancer or medicine specific as this isn't truly a hereditary concern, etc.
but what i have broken down and done
is really what metachat excels at:
cute animals

it just makes one want to keep crying and i can't so i sent her clips and pics of cute and goofy animals, so in the stream of condolences and well wishers that make you want to rent clothes and scream

suddenly there's a burst of circus music and a baby tiger.

So goddammit, only your cutest and funniest

combing this site ain't that damn easy

Open the floodgates.

I don't have experience with online grief/support sites but I do have {{{{hugs}}}}.

And a good head on your brackety shoulders.

There is a lot of information on this site: National Brain Tumor Foundation.

Under "Connecting and coping" they have a list of support groups by state (this assumes she is in North America, apologies if she is not), and also some online support groups. I don't know a lot about them, I'm afraid, as the message boards and groups were never really my thing. They might be able to point you in the right direction, at least.

Sorry, I don't have anything cute or funny right now. I think the goofy/cute animals thing is awesome, though, and you are being a really, really good friend. The "so sorry for your loss" wishes are nice and wonderful and heartfelt and meant well, but you know. It's good to have friends willing to distract you for a minute or two, and steal a laugh out of you.

Here is some cute. This video makes me happy, but unless you really like Smashmouth, I'd turn the sound off.

YouTube, not safe for cat-haters.

eth, on Salon's Table Talk there is (or used to be) a thread called "Nothing but grief"; if it's gone dormant, I'm sure it could be resurrected. I found the people there *immensely* helpful and supportive after my mother died. It's slow-moving most of the time, so it's not going to be immediate feedback, and mostly it was just people sharing their own grief and coping methods and hurdles, but it was so important to me to hear how other people were coping and that other people were going through some of the same things.

The actual link: Nothing but grief. Looks like it's still active. Even just reading through the past messages was pretty therapeutic for me.

See, you both get what i'm saying.

i sent the cat page but i should have checked it first.
cat page got weird.
≡ Click to see image ≡

For some reason, I skipped the "grieving from cancer" specification.

I did a fair amount of research on this, both for myself and classes, and was actually completely fucking floored at how little support exists for people who are grieving (it's one of the things that really pushed me into becoming a therapist; I want to create more resources). I don't want to say it's impossible you'll find exactly what you're looking for, but it will be damned hard. People don't like to talk about death in the US, or most of Western society; you get yelled at for being "morbid" or, if you are grieving, for "not getting on with your life, as your loved one would have wanted you to do." It sucks, and it makes resources few and far between.

Good on you, ethylene. It's true: once the initial outpouring of sympathy is over, most people are left alone with their bereavement. When someone you love dies, grief is a life-long condition. It changes and evolves as you integrate the loss into your life, but it's always with you.

We don't forget. :)

In my work, I see people die all the time; their loved ones are actually in the way as the paperwork and cleanup take over. What occhiblu says is very true, and I've taken to (when I think it's appropriate) being very open about the ritual of dying with people. You can tell when someone is yearning to talk plainly.

Humour has its place, so does quiet acknowledgement.

Respect.

i should eat something instead i'm copying cat pics while i'm getting steadily more snowed in, while never finding "wait, i'll fix it".

i don't really think i'm being a particularly extra good friend so much as trying to be sensible and pragmatic and fill in any gaps that can be filled. You can't expect most people to get a grip on a bigger picture most of the time, so just prying open some space here or there with commiseration, levity or options is about all anyone can really do for anyone in any case. i suppose i'm familiar with the business of change and dying, but it holds true.

I'm so sorry ethylene.

Oh, eth! I'm so sorry. I hug you fiercely.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I think wimpdork had the best cancer specific reccomendation. The only suggestion I had was the widow's local hospital. They often know/support specific groups. I've also found support groups in the community sections of my local newspapers. I wish I had more information for you.

You guys have been great today.
We all went to high school together, including her little brother who committed suicide back then, which is just some of what she's had to deal with.
He died at home, which is part of what's hard.

Danf, brain tumors are usually different in children than the kind found in adults, but i hope it's some South American wonder plant and not a faith healer or psychic surgeon. Maybe it's the next imclone type thing that actually works, but if it's actually what they call cancer, well, i'm not surprised your wife is freaked out.

What bothers me most is that i don't know how much they knew. I'm sure they knew it had to be what they call GBM which has a very low survival rate but i don't know how much they knew because we never had time to talk about it because whenever we had time to talk no one else wanted to hear it or was tired of hearing it or was frankly too freaked out and scared to remember or hear the words so i can't even find out what other people knew. The quality of health care in the midwest can be so bad that they possibly didn't know how bad it was and some people are so phobic of all medicine and science that no one wants to know or just want to say or assume they know what they are talking about to a frightening degree (of the laymen). i'd go on about how you work around this to help people but i just don't wanna right now.
He survived the first round of surgery and every other possible treatment so i have to think they got everything they could squared away, and i don't know when i'll be able to ask her if she isn't wanting to gush it out anyway. i'm just sad at missing the opportunities before now for everything.

Occhi, most people dealing grieving end up in depression forums, which can be great or absolutely poisonous but almost never are large or last very long with any set functional group. Generally, depression is such a catch all for so many different aspects of life that they end up being quite a mishmosh of diagnoses and functionalities that degenerate pretty quickly without active and consistent moderation and there is often splintering off or becoming some what guarded and private. I've seen some okay ones, i've helped moderate some good ones, and if you ever want help with setting up resources, i'd be happy to help. So much basic common sense flies out the window when you have a bunch of depressed people desperate to help for whatever their reasons are, but if you ever want to set up that type of resource, feel free to let me know.
i've been helping people grieve in many ways most of my life but the deaths are getting closer and closer as people get picked off and disappear.
Frankly, i purposely never talk about this kind of stuff here, but i have talked to a few people here about the stuff they go through off these sites. If i talked about this kind of stuff here i'd always be talking about it and i don't ever plan to do that.
So if lilywing gets the land and occhi gets her license and reflecked will tolerate us and etc etc etc maybe someday we will have that fully staffed and sufficient retreat, then meet upwill be the norm and the webchats will be the novelty branch, since so many of us are use to being online and some of you are quite good at working the oddly fangled gadgetry.

i've just been peeking this thread and had to avoid the recent comments but forgive my big blurbs and thanks for everything.

I'm so, so sorry, eth. I have no recommendations or even effective words of comfort. I would be happy to post a request for grief sites to AskMe for you, if that would help.

Not if you need it for something, dolly babe, it's up to you. i don't know how good answers ever are there anymore.
i'm stranded in but

people come and go along the way
i'm not going anywhere
i'm not going any where

Oh I never use my question. It would harm my reputation as a know-it-all.

Here's the post. Hopefully someone will know come up with something helpful.

Could you maybe add something about helping preteen and young teenagers cope?
It's kinda late in the day but ya never know.
You're a sweetheart.
Personally i think breaking out some old rituals with help at some point, for mom, maybe the kids.

Sure! No problem. Are you looking for resources/advice for her, for them, for both?

Both, i guess but they would probably go through her.
They were such the picture of the happy family until it hit so with valentine's tomorrow, i wonder. The hallmark holidays have sucked for them.

It's been about a four year struggle since the first diagnosis if that fills in any blanks for anyone.

It's there now.

Four years? See, that's the worst part. I've always said that dying of cancer is like dying twice. You go through all this intense grief when someone gets the diagnosis, then you get jerked around with highs and lows for months or years, then you grieve again when all that's over. It's so cruel. Especially for children.

So far they are weeding through the sites pretty well.
Could someone mention he has died or do you think they can figure it out?

Sorry about that. This parasite seriously drains my brainpower. Looks like wimpdork set them straight.

A grief retreat! What a wonderful idea! I love love love it.