MetaChat: gently caress THEM IN THE ANUS.

I hope the teacher got that kid some counselling.

Okay, this fight is on. Could Richard XXXXXXXX, armed with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a Koala? Assume no element of surprise.

Betting that the Koala will be more intelligent, I'm putting my money on the marsupial. Not to mention, they have long claws and are "grumpy" - a chilling combination.

Koala Secrets is a hilarious site:

During the Cosa Nostra purges of the late 1960s several of the Dons sent family members into hiding in Australia. Despite their reputation as cute and cuddly the Australian Koala can be dangerous. They are grumpy with long claws and sharp teeth. The mafia families are rumoured to have trained up to thirty Koalas as attack animals to protect a property near Bell in the Blue Mountain area. Witnesses claim that the animals slept 16 hours a day and managed to be asleep whenever anything occured. The mafia families then went to Canberra to buy a politician but were told to come back later as it was Happy Hour at the pub.

I was born in the Blue Mountains, taz, and lived there till I was 7. I can attest to the Mafia attack koala story. We used to hear them screaming at night, and they were fast and stealthy too. God, they were fast. I doubt even piranhas could strip a sheep to its bones as quick as a pack of attack koalas. A pair of Jehovah's Witnesses disappeared after calling on 'The Big House' (which we were told never to go near as kids) and three days later their bleached skeletons were found on a remote hillside. Nobody was ever brought to justice for their deaths, but everyone knew the koalas had been set on them.

Assume no element of surprise

The problem is, of course, that a koala attack always takes you by surprise.

Here is the sound of a koala celebrating a kill (mp3, 1.1MB, disturbing)

How many 5 year olds could a koala take on?

hehehe.

I love this thread. In fact, I'm going to marry it, even though it isn't the most popular thread on the block, or even all that handsome. It makes me laugh, and that's what's important.

I think you people are confusing Koalas with Drop Bears.