Have you ever done something sketchy at work? Dreadfully boring story inside. →[More:]I recently went back to work. Once a week to get out of the house. I was at work at the hospital last week -- on Wednesday -- for the first time in a long time. We were incredibly busy and I forgot to note when I wanted to work in the upcoming weeks. I work flex-pool, so I can work when I want. I told my supervisor a while ago that I wanted to work Mondays. I only worked last Wednesday because I am still getting acquainted with the floor and the computer system.

Boring backstory: I used to work full-time before I had children, then very part-time, and then not at all for nearly four years. I decided to go back to get my foot back in the door. I also thought it might be good for my mental health.

Over the weekend I told myself I would just show up on Monday, even if I didn't note it earlier, since my supervisor was probably expecting me. I've been feeling generally depressed and regretful that I returned to work in the first place. My job generally sucks, it's a 13-hour day, and I have mom-guilt that I am away from the kids this long, even though my husband is with them. Have I mentioned that I'm crazy?

I was having a internal pity party in bed last night. This morning when the alarm went off, I said, "Screw it. I'm not going. I will work some other day, or figure it out later."

When the brain fogginess cleared the guilt settled in. I showered and put on nice clothes. I drove to the hospital to mark when I wanted to work, and to get a feel for the situation. My supervisor saw me, said hello, but was reserved. She told me she marked me down for Mondays, but if I wanted to work other days just let her know. Her tone was sort of annoyed, impatient. She has been warm and friendly in the past. I knew then that I most likely screwed up, and she probably was expecting me. Although, when I quickly scanned today's assignment, I didn't see my name.

This is so unlike me. I don't miss work, ever. I feel incredibly guilty, and am very concerned that my supervisor thinks I am a flake.

Out of guilt I marked myself down to work all day Thursday and Saturday. This was stupid, because I didn't need to work these days if I didn't want to. Somehow, in my warped brain I thought it might make up for missing today. For all I know they may not need staff on these days. I have this anxious, guilty feeling.

Sorry if I am not making sense and apologies for the ramble. I needed to talk.