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25 January 2007
Racism is from the lowest pit of Hell. That is all.
At the end of the today's Keith and the Girl show, they had a clip from a stand-up comic who thinks we should really give it up for the gays, since they're not having children he has to pay taxes on and who get in his way when he's driving down the street. Pretty funny.
Awww bunnyfire, is this about your daughter and her husband? I hope not.
Unfortunately you win. It's about them-and my parents.
If I didn't think it would be the totally wrong thing to disown my parents, I'd be sorely tempted to do it today. I have to keep reminding myself that they are the biggest losers in this.
Oh, guys, just this once can we leave teh ghey out of this thread? If my daughter was gay I wouldn't disown her.
I mean, my daughter called me, crying, earlier today, after taking the step of calling her grandfather. She was and is the bigger person, along with my son-in-law. Who is way more forgiving than I could ever hope or expect him to be.
Pieisexactlythree, my daughter is white and my son-in-law is black. My grandbaby is biracial.
My parents cannot get over the fact that she married "one of them." They won't even come see the baby. And then they complain how my daughter "hurt them." And that they "can't help how they feel." And there is "nothing they can do about it." There's a farmyard epithet I could use, here.
They have seen pictures of the baby. They say he is cute. They agree that my son in law must be nice or she wouldn't be with him. What totally makes me tear my hair out is that if my wonderful son-in-law were white they would absolutely love him. For that matter, they'd like him if he just wasn't married to my daughter.
Racism isn't so much Evil (with the capital E) as Stupid, Willful Ignorance-type Stupid. And regrettably, Stupid has caused more damage in the world than Evil.
I do know I would've been in for a whole lotta pain if I had ever brought a black/African-American girl to meet my parents back in the late '70s/early '80s. It's there, beneath the surface for a lot of folks - mostly older than us, and I'm 51 - and it sucks eggs when it comes out. Those who are old enough to grow up when racism was generally OK often do not give it up until forced to, and this may be just too late to force them to. Sad. My condolences.
Oh, and today the crying was caused because my daughter asked if she could come see them and her grandfather said "no." This after apparently what was a fairly calm cordial conversation.
I guess I'd call it coldblooded.Which for some unfathomable reason makes it worse, in my view.
You've got my sympathy for what you're going through. It sounds awful, and I wish it weren't happening to you and your family. It's horrible when the choices that someone makes about right and wrong, regarding consensual love, have such negative consequences.
Your parents are obviously dead-set on standing up for something. It's really very sad that they chose to stand up for a wrong-headed, archaic belief instead of for their love for their granddaughter.
You're right: They're the losers in all this.
(Not that that makes it any easier to handle. It's just plain hurtful and toxic.)
Essexjan, that's plenty good enough for me. For you-and for the rest of y'all-thank you for letting me vent here, and for your support. Bunny hugs to you all.
While not exactly the same situation, last year I was involved with family disputes that ended in effectively severing ties with an aunt and uncle that I had been very close to. Their behavior was so reprehensible I didn't see any other options, and these seven months later I still do not. It was hard, but sometimes the hardest things can still be the right things.
bunnyfire, I've mentioned before that there is a remarkably similar situation in my extended family. The person with racial issues was present at the hospital for both births, and both times asked the nurses several times if they thought the children (who are both fair-complected) would "turn" later. Blech. There is another child in the family who this person favors because both parents are white. Double blech.
It's really hard for me to imagine this. They don't want to see their own grandchild because of his skin color? That's, as they say, wack.
May I ask if it is supposed to be some sort of religion-based thing? I mean what is their justification? That's the part I don't get; how do they explain this?
Such a sucky situation, bunnyfire. I don't know that I would be as patient in trying to bring my parents around.
Maybe it's time to take a break and let them stew in their own toxic juices for a while. Just shove the whole thing on the back-burner (to continue the analogy) and ignore the problem and (grand)parents for a while.
It isn't a religious thing. It's a southern redneck thing. It's the "last taboo" for many white people in the South-people who in most other senses do not act in a racist manner.
Man, b, I don't usually want to smack people but I really want to smack your folks. Just, christing fuck, what a goddam disconnect with basic human empathy.
Oh, bunnyfire, that's so awful for all of you. I remember your hope that once your grandson was born your parents couldn't possibly resist; I'm so sorry it didn't work out that way. I don't know enough about your relationship with your parents to be comfortable offering advice, but many hugs and whuffles to you and your non-toxic family members. From what I do know you're strong enough to get through it, but why on earth such strength must be tested yet again escapes me. And congrats again on your new grandson!
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