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25 January 2007

Racism is from the lowest pit of Hell. That is all.
Awww bunnyfire, is this about your daughter and her husband? I hope not.
posted by initapplette 25 January | 12:59
I thought homosexuality was.
posted by omiewise 25 January | 13:38
Sodomy is the new miscegenation.
posted by felix betachat 25 January | 13:42
Gay is the new straight.
posted by pieisexactlythree 25 January | 13:47
At the end of the today's Keith and the Girl show, they had a clip from a stand-up comic who thinks we should really give it up for the gays, since they're not having children he has to pay taxes on and who get in his way when he's driving down the street. Pretty funny.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 25 January | 13:50
Awww bunnyfire, is this about your daughter and her husband? I hope not.

Unfortunately you win. It's about them-and my parents.

If I didn't think it would be the totally wrong thing to disown my parents, I'd be sorely tempted to do it today. I have to keep reminding myself that they are the biggest losers in this.

It's just so stunningly unnecessary.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 14:41
:-( That's sad.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 25 January | 14:44
Oh, guys, just this once can we leave teh ghey out of this thread? If my daughter was gay I wouldn't disown her.

I mean, my daughter called me, crying, earlier today, after taking the step of calling her grandfather. She was and is the bigger person, along with my son-in-law. Who is way more forgiving than I could ever hope or expect him to be.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 14:45
I'm so sorry bunnyfire. Can you tell us the backstory? What happened?
posted by pieisexactlythree 25 January | 14:47
It's just so stunningly unnecessary.

It really is. I'm sorry bunnyfire. And I'm sure you're proud of your daughter and son-in-law for being the bigger people.
posted by gaspode 25 January | 14:48
Pieisexactlythree, my daughter is white and my son-in-law is black. My grandbaby is biracial.

My parents cannot get over the fact that she married "one of them." They won't even come see the baby. And then they complain how my daughter "hurt them." And that they "can't help how they feel." And there is "nothing they can do about it." There's a farmyard epithet I could use, here.

They have seen pictures of the baby. They say he is cute. They agree that my son in law must be nice or she wouldn't be with him. What totally makes me tear my hair out is that if my wonderful son-in-law were white they would absolutely love him. For that matter, they'd like him if he just wasn't married to my daughter.

Racism is not only evil, it is incredibly STUPID.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 15:03
Racism isn't so much Evil (with the capital E) as Stupid, Willful Ignorance-type Stupid. And regrettably, Stupid has caused more damage in the world than Evil.

I do know I would've been in for a whole lotta pain if I had ever brought a black/African-American girl to meet my parents back in the late '70s/early '80s. It's there, beneath the surface for a lot of folks - mostly older than us, and I'm 51 - and it sucks eggs when it comes out. Those who are old enough to grow up when racism was generally OK often do not give it up until forced to, and this may be just too late to force them to. Sad. My condolences.
posted by wendell 25 January | 15:03
Oh, and today the crying was caused because my daughter asked if she could come see them and her grandfather said "no." This after apparently what was a fairly calm cordial conversation.

I guess I'd call it coldblooded.Which for some unfathomable reason makes it worse, in my view.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 15:05
huh... did not intend for your last sentence to segue so well into my first paragraph...
posted by wendell 25 January | 15:06
You've got my sympathy for what you're going through. It sounds awful, and I wish it weren't happening to you and your family. It's horrible when the choices that someone makes about right and wrong, regarding consensual love, have such negative consequences.
posted by omiewise 25 January | 15:06
Coldblooded? I'd say your parents' pipes are frozen ;)
posted by wendell 25 January | 15:07
Your parents are obviously dead-set on standing up for something. It's really very sad that they chose to stand up for a wrong-headed, archaic belief instead of for their love for their granddaughter.

You're right: They're the losers in all this.

(Not that that makes it any easier to handle. It's just plain hurtful and toxic.)
posted by mudpuppie 25 January | 15:12
Hey, Wendell, great minds run in the same channels, my friend.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 15:15
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.
posted by essexjan 25 January | 15:19
Essexjan, that's plenty good enough for me. For you-and for the rest of y'all-thank you for letting me vent here, and for your support. Bunny hugs to you all.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 15:33
While not exactly the same situation, last year I was involved with family disputes that ended in effectively severing ties with an aunt and uncle that I had been very close to. Their behavior was so reprehensible I didn't see any other options, and these seven months later I still do not. It was hard, but sometimes the hardest things can still be the right things.
posted by King of Prontopia 25 January | 15:45
This is very sad. I'm so sorry, bunnyfire.

Yes, they are missing out big time! The word "willful" stand out to me...

I personally think it may be time to talk to them about limiting your contact with them. (But that's just what I would do.)
posted by Specklet 25 January | 15:55
bunnyfire, I've mentioned before that there is a remarkably similar situation in my extended family. The person with racial issues was present at the hospital for both births, and both times asked the nurses several times if they thought the children (who are both fair-complected) would "turn" later. Blech. There is another child in the family who this person favors because both parents are white. Double blech.
posted by initapplette 25 January | 16:00
Ew.
Just ew.

People can be so incredibly nasty, especially to eachother.
I sometimes don't know why I want to study them.

I'm very sorry, bunnyfire. I wish I could offer some advice.
posted by CitrusFreak12 25 January | 16:05
Sorry this situation hasn't improved, bunnyfire.

It's really hard for me to imagine this. They don't want to see their own grandchild because of his skin color? That's, as they say, wack.

May I ask if it is supposed to be some sort of religion-based thing? I mean what is their justification? That's the part I don't get; how do they explain this?
posted by taz 25 January | 16:21
Such a sucky situation, bunnyfire. I don't know that I would be as patient in trying to bring my parents around.

Maybe it's time to take a break and let them stew in their own toxic juices for a while. Just shove the whole thing on the back-burner (to continue the analogy) and ignore the problem and (grand)parents for a while.
posted by deborah 25 January | 16:26
I can't help but think how painful this will be for your grandson when he is old enough to understand.
posted by pieisexactlythree 25 January | 16:34
It isn't a religious thing. It's a southern redneck thing. It's the "last taboo" for many white people in the South-people who in most other senses do not act in a racist manner.

(FWIW my folks do not go to church at all.)
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 16:37
I can't help but think how painful this will be for your grandson when he is old enough to understand.

And this is what infuriates me the most.

(But he'll have the bestest grandma who loves him to pieces, and who plans to distract him with cookies and whuffles.)
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 16:42
Man, b, I don't usually want to smack people but I really want to smack your folks. Just, christing fuck, what a goddam disconnect with basic human empathy.
posted by cortex 25 January | 16:51
I'm sorry, bunnyfire--he's an adorable baby.
posted by brujita 25 January | 16:54
That's so sad. :(

But, not all babies have fab grandmas armed with cookies and wuffles - so yeay to bunnyfire-grandma!
posted by dabitch 25 January | 17:15
I'm sorry your daughter and son-in-law have to go through this. I hate racism in any form, and especially when it's so damn dumb.
posted by redvixen 25 January | 20:21
Oh, bunnyfire, that's so awful for all of you. I remember your hope that once your grandson was born your parents couldn't possibly resist; I'm so sorry it didn't work out that way. I don't know enough about your relationship with your parents to be comfortable offering advice, but many hugs and whuffles to you and your non-toxic family members. From what I do know you're strong enough to get through it, but why on earth such strength must be tested yet again escapes me. And congrats again on your new grandson!
posted by elizard 25 January | 20:26
Hey, guys, check out my update...Part Two...

Miracles never cease, y'all.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 20:29
as in here.
posted by bunnyfire 25 January | 20:30
This is a quiet whining thread. || Snapping out of it

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