Darling, I've been coaching my bff in Florida through her wedding for the past year now (it's happening in April), and I have some important advice which I shall repeat to you (as I have to her) over and over, as much as you need it:


It is just one day.
It's like graduation - a ceremony you do more for everyone watching than for yourself.
You will be stressed and tired and worried about Aunt Bessie's oxygen tank, the flowers, whether Cousin Sammy will sit in the same row as his estranged mother. The ring bearer will pee his pants on his trip down the aisle. So don't kill yourself planning, trying to make it perfect, to look perfect and to make everyone happy - you're going to set yourself up for disappointment if you try to be all things to everyone. Just do what you want, keep it simple, and enjoy.

No matter what happens, it will all be fine. You will get through it. You and Ky Leg will curl up together at the end of the day, exhausted, and you will smile and be grateful it's all over and you will go to bed man and wife. Just keep that image in mind from now on. You'll be ok.

And your MOH can't possibly feel as invested as you do, and that's ok. But if she's being really lame, that's crap and really sucky.

Maid of Honor is a big deal - I had to dip out (as gracefully as possible) from my MOH duties for a wedding I could not possibly attend, due to the fact that I'm 1500 miles away and had scheduling conflicts. It made me sad, but I did it.

Bummer. I actually know of this really great venue- it's pink, with romantic low ceilings. It offers access to an outdoor terrace with a view. And security is included in the price of renting the hall.

Ok, it's my living room. And the view is of the train tracks. And "security" is my chihuahua. But I'll give you a great deal!!!!

I'm sorry, viachicago. That sounds stressful. I have no advice other than "It will all work out" cliches, but ... it will all work out.

Also, if you need us to kick kyelg into helping mode, we probably have our ways.... :)

My reaction (and I agree with Sasshat) was that the drabness of the room will be overcome by:

1. Flowers.
2. All the beautiful people there and their spiffy outfits.
3. All the great food and drink laid out.
4. No one will notice (see items 1-3).

Just an opinion.

I'm sorry, viachicago. I actually really enjoyed planning my wedding, but I'm a giant attention whore who thrilled at the notion that all eyes would be on me all day.

The advice I always give to brides-to-be (which no one takes) is to pick one or two things that are really important to you, concentrate on those and shake the rest off. For me, those two things were I wanted an open bar and a pretty dress. My bridesmaids picked out their own dresses. The reception hall supplied the linens, the centerpieces, even the wedding cake. Etc.

And in the end, everyone had fun. Even me. I couldn't tell you what color the napkins were or even what flavor my cake was, but I do remember that no one wanted to leave at the end and my dad ended up paying to keep the restaurant open past midnight. Aim for fun and try not to sweat the small stuff.

Google eloped to see what we did--4th result! It was a good choice for us, but it was also the 2nd marriage for both, and we'd both had "real" weddings before.

Good luck with yours--I'll echo the advice to focus on one or two "perfect" things, and let the rest slide.

/me hugs bunnies

Thanks for the advice guys, truly.

I'm actually really into planning my wedding, but I tend to call a lot of it 'bullshit' or 'nonsense.' A lot of it is petty and frustrating and I really am trying not to let it bug me. I just feel hard pressed right now to find a space soon.

I think Kyleg got the kick in the tush he needs to help me realistically look for places, but, you know, any other additional methods you wish to employ, I'm down with that.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

As someone who spent the better part of last year doing this, I sympathize...
So I am going to withhold the advice that I want to give, because as a utter control freak it goes against what others are (probably rightfully) telling you. :) Let's just say I had a clear vision of what I wanted and focused on the important factors, (while not worrying about others) and was really happy with the results.
I will mention that my MOH was my niece who had just started college and wasn't really involved in most of the planning (but was a huge help along with my sister as I was facing making the 100 frosted cookie favors that I HAD to have) and I managed fine planning most things on my own with my groom helping now and then.
Did you see the venue decorated for someone's wedding? or just the space? Once it's all set up, it makes a HUGE difference...and once it's full of your friends and family...it's beautiful.
Also, I found advice at the forums at indiebride.com very helpful in all kinds of ways.

Here's a huge Chicago thread at the IB forums that you may find helpful.

The IB forums are really good.

Seconding what jrossi said. Pick a couple of things that you care about and the rest can go to hell. And don't let people pressure you into things. Don't feel like you *have* to do anything. We walked to our ceremony, I wore bare feet most of the time (who sees your shoes? $50 for things nobody sees?), we didn't have flowers on the tables. I told the caterers I didn't give a shit what colour the goddamn tablecloths were...

etc.

But like jrossi said - I cared very much that we had a fantastic band and that we had really really good wine. And a good cake. Yum!

If the price is right, to take the drabness out, buy a bunch of gauze or veil like material, get tiny white Christmas lights and a smoke machine.

Behind the wedding table, hang the material and lights. On any kind of frame, even rolling coatracks lined up. Smoke machine to the side of that, in front.

Keep the lighting low to take out the drabness and add a ton of candles everywhere. The dollar store is your friend.

Best fucking effects ever.

A friend did this for his wedding.
While people were sitting down to their tables for the dinner, the smoke machine kicked in and nearly scared the shit out of people.
Make sure no one is in the room and smoke it up a little prior to the dinner.

For the dancing, crank that smoke machine up and add strobe lights. Damn. It'll cheer up the joint.
Renting that stuff is cheap and cheerful.
The DJ friend was too stoned and played his own kind of music too much so we hijacked him to get higher and someone else took over dj'ing. What a laugh.

It'll go by in a blur.

Place disposable cameras on each table and make them use it. Best is when the kids grab them. The photos are a kill. ]Who was that kid doing photographing in the loo anyways¿[

It'll work out well for you, no doubt.

I'm in agreement with everyone else. I spent a year and a half planning our wedding, but it was low-key and fun. I also wasn't that crazy about the hall - it had beautiful peach walls, but the floor was large brown and white tiles. No one cared. We all had such fun. I had candle garden centerpieces, a real hula dancer (we had a luau theme), and my girls wore skirts I found in a catalog and picked their own tops. The room didn't matter at all. Enjoy yourself! It will all go by so fast.
Oh, yeah, like alicesshoe said, the table cameras can get such neat pictures! I loved them!

I think Kyleg got the kick in the tush he needs to help me realistically look for places, but, you know, any other additional methods you wish to employ, I'm down with that.

Hmmmmm.... posts on the front page every day asking for updates on what he's done for the wedding today, perhaps?

Admins: I'm kidding! Really!

(Also, the above comment was not meant as a comment on recent events around here, or any sort of veiled criticism of the admins. I love the admins, and wish to create no extra work for them, or annoy them in any way, and that was my point. And seriously, is it a full moon or something? When did everything get so complicated?)

heh. I'm trying to think how much I should rent my sister to you for...

Seriously, mr. taz and I were just going to do Justice of the Peace in everyday clothes, and then have a party afterwards, and my sister insisted on fixing us up something purty as her wedding gift to us. She would take your place and do things with flowers and candles, draped fabrics and stuff like alicesshoe mentions until it looked like a wonderland. How she does it, I don't know... but if you happen to suspect any of your friends or family of having skillz like this, now is the time to importune them!

taz, your sister is an interior decorator or set designer¿ She sounds talented.

I worked as a scenic artist on My Greek Wedding, which had nothing to do with my friends wedding and the curtain, lights and smoke machine thing. The smoke machines are fog ]water[ not toxic oil like the old days, BTW.

my place is looking drab taz, you think your sis...nah.... :)