A cop was writing a ticket for a improperly parked car when a drunk stumbles out of the nearby bar.

"Hey," the drunk says, "how about giving a guy a break?" The cop just sniffs and writes a ticket for the obviously broken brake light.

"Wow, you're just a little nazi with your ticket book!" The cop looks miffed and writes a ticket for the broken mirror.

"What an asshole!", the drunk declares.

The cop has had enough. "Keep that up and I'll write more tickets."

The drunk says, "Fine by me. I'm parked around the corner."

F***in' LOL! T'anks.

...made more amusing by the fact that the cockiest (and I didn't know they manufactured them cocky, I thought they were all strictly-business automatons, and I usually treat them with respect) State Trooper I've ever met only gave me a speeding warning last night when I challenged him on the fact that he tailed me for a couple miles waiting to see if he could nail me for anything else.

"Roue 84 was WAY back there. Why didn't you ticket me sooner?"

"I can give you a ticket anytime I want!.. Um, here's a warning. Keep your speed down."

"Have a nice night 'sir'!"

C'mon. Have a beer. Tell some funnies. This is almost as good as IRC, and I cvan never get in ther anyway.
;-)

My most favorite dumb joke:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!

HAAAAAAA HAAAA!!

When I lived in Miami and I would go off on a rant about some deeply held priniple which escapes me at the moment, my friend Pedro would always answer me in a deadpan voice:

'jon, nobody cares.'

Good advice.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. (Emo Philips)

Well, it isn't a joke I have, but perhaps you will find this amusing...last night I dreamed of a horse named Britney Spears...I was planning on having my picture taken with this horse just so I could go around saying I had my picture taken with Britney Spears.

My dreams are just plain stupid sometimes.

Two cows are standing in a field, and one cow says to the other one, "So, are you worried about this 'mad cow disease' they're all talking about about?"

The other cow replies, "Why would *I* be worried? I'm a squirrel."

The other cow replies, "Why would *I* be worried? I'm a squirrel."

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

It's related to this joke:

Q: What time is it when you need to see a dentist?
A: Two-thirty.

mad = crazy or insane. An insane cow might think it was a small rodent with large front teeth and a bushy tail. Maybe.

bigblueroom's joke stumps me, though.

But maybe it was just a really big squirrel.

Three men are marooned on a deserted island. They are overcome with despair and boredom, and begin digging in the sand. They happen upon a genie lamp, rub it a little and poof! a genie appears. The genie grants the men one wish each. The first man wishes to be in his city of Rome, drinking wine with his friends and family. Poof! He is transported to Rome. The second man wishes to be home in France enjoying a baguette and cheese. Poof! The genie sends him to Paris. The third man then makes his wish, "I'm lonely, I want my friends back."

bigblueroom's joke stumps me, though

You have to say "two-thirty" out aloud.

You'll think it is really funny when you get it.

You have to say "two-thirty" out aloud.

You'll think it is really funny when you get it.

Only one of the above statements is true.

:)

bigblueroom's joke is hilarious.

Now that I get it, it IS hilarious.

Cheers, all.
;-)

Shane, I take comfort in that fact that all of this exists for a very simple reason: It was possible.

What's invisible and red?

No tomatoes.

What's
Black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and red all over.

A nun falling done the stairs.

Good to see some connoisseurs of fine comedy here. Probably the best thing about the two-thirty joke is that now you can think of it whenever you ask someone "what time is it?" I think you'll eventually come to embrace the joke's hilarity mudpuppie.

black8: I don't know about comfort, I think I'm closer to Gurdjieff's "the terror of the situation" on this one.

sorry, but Fuzzbean's is cracking me up. I guess I'd better be getting to sleep then

Sally looks up from doing the laundry to see her husband Mel heading out the door with his golf clubs. "Wait a minute!" she exclaimed, "You said you'd fix the bathroom light today." Mel stops, points to his baseball cap, and says "Does it say 'electrician' up here?"
Sally continues, "You also said you'd check the kitchen sink drain, it's been running so slowly." Mel snorts, points to his hat again, and sneers "Does it say 'plumber' up here?"
Rolling her eyes as he leaves through the back door, Sally tries again "What about that loose step there?" Mel laughs as he tosses his clubs in the back of his car "Does it say 'carpenter' up here?" And drives away.
Eighteen holes of golf later, Mel returns home. As he goes up the step, he notices the step no longer squeaks or moves. He stops off at the bathroom, and notices the light works perfectly now. He goes to the kitchen, where Sally is rinsing pans in the sink, and the water is draining! "Well", he said, "looks like you finally did all the things around here on your own." Sally smiles and says "No, it was Ron from next door. I ran in to him while hanging the clothes on the line. He told me he'd fix everything for me if I'd either sleep with him or bake him a cake."
Mel laughs, "That Ron! What a kidder! So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
Sally looks him steadily, points to her forehead, and said "Does it say 'Betty Crocker' up here?"