But then what would we have to read during our workday?

these people obviously don't drink enough, otherwise they'd be sharing these concerns with their bartenders.

Jeeze, edgeways, ain'tcha never heard of the More Inside button?

*end berate*

p.s. I agree.

i tend to hate the idea of a 2 week limit on questions but, in regards to ask.me's like the guy asking a question about every step of his relationship, i'm glad it exists.

I meant to use the MI feature and goofed bah (curmudgeon today I guess)

"What about our relationship?"
"What?"
"Our relationship!"
"Fuck that!"

In a way, I sort of like all the boring repeated relationship questions (should we break up, where is our chemistry, what happened to our sex life, should we get married), because it gives me an idea of what "normal" really is. This saves me the trouble of having to post one myself.

edge, that is one of my favorite movies EVER.

No berating, edgeways, I totally agree. Maybe we could start a "tough love" section in AskMe?

I'd like to see a significant period between first joining the site and being able to post a question--three months, six months, something like that. Of course, I'm not trying to make a living off this thing.

As long as we're complaining about AskMe: is it just me, or is there a big boom in questions that could be easily answered by anybody with any sense? Just today, I read a question about where to find a book. The answer? Amazon. Not long ago, it was 'how do I speed up my Windows PC?' Yes, how indeed? By reading any of the million web guides that cover this very topic. What's the root problem here, and how can it be solved?

(Those are just examples, and I don't mean to call out any specific people.)

One must never assume that all people are like yourself.

Don't know how old the questioner is, yes, I'm surprised about the 3 questions, every step leading to the alter, but it is funny.

At least they have someone to ask and guide.

Maybe they never had a shepherd in their lives. There could be so many reasons.

If someone says they have cancer, everyone understands. Some find life, ah...less than self explanatory.

As for those in shitty relationships. Too many times we find ourselves in the forest and fail to see the trees. In short. So much depends on ones history and an abusive relationship is the most difficult to get out of.

When you ask aloud what you've been thinking, it does give it justification that you're right and you grow balls, shall we say.
Have I heard stories and experiences. Yoiks./

I can understand.

How did that person get a job I'm wondering.

I've noticed lots of questions recently where the answer could easily have been found through Google or other easy means. I do think it's a function of AskMe only users joining because they see it as a useful resource. I think Matt should put something on the posting box saying "have you googled it yet?" or similar.

And I totally agree about the relationship questions, but then again they have entertainment value that cancels out their irritating "you really don't need us to tell you this" type traits.

Agreed, greycap.

I think you should be forced to put in tags, keywords, or whatever, and an automatic google search should be generated for you to review before you can submit your question.

But then, I'm controlling.

Well... considering that Ann Landers died and Abby's daughter took over her column (and she's nowhere near as good), askmefi has filled a big gap in their place.

For the non-North Americans, these were identical twins who were advice columnists (agony aunts) for decades.

It seems that relationship questions are awfully close to poll questions. What should I do? {leave:stay:abort:retry:fail}
Except in extreme situations "He's beating on me, should I leave?" there is no definitive answer because each situation is much more complex then can be expressed in such a forum.

bah, this is all probably because I am feeling so frustrated this week/month. I really should just shut up and stop typing on the Internet.

Didn't there used to be a note about Google? I'm sure there was, but it's not there now.

There are some really obvious questions on there, but I generally like reading the relationship ones, even if more than a few are the "really, deep down, you know what the answer is, you just want us to validate your feelings". Having said that, I don't read the green religiously, especially with the assload of work I currently have on, so maybe I'm missing out.

What is currently irritating the hell out of me is the "help me hive mind" comments. It's even more annoying than the "yes, there's even... [more inside]" lines.

Greycap: Like this? http://www.justfuckinggoogleit.com

I'm frankly amazed that anyone would deem the advice of a handful of random strangers to be applicable to the context of their current gordian knot with a supposed significant other. I'd presume this proclivity implies more about the individual and their character than the summation of the entire thread, all responses included...

Oh, this reminds me - my wife doesn't like these gray socks I got a couple of weeks ago. I really like them, they have kinda design-y (designey? sp?) lines in them and they're super cozy. I was actually thinking of getting some more of them, that is before her hatred of them came out. I think she doesn't like them because she likes black socks on guys, I told her she needs to branch out and loosen up a bit (I mean really, they're just gray socks), that maybe she's too conservative. But anyway it's not about that stuff, it's about the socks (duh). So what do you think I should do? Take the socks back? Say "forget you" and get more socks (ooo, that'd really show her, I'm not sure I could do that though, as I think she'd read that as a total front against her)? Just not wear them around her? Wear them only on certain occassions? Dye them (this kinda defeats the purpose, but I suppose it might be a good comprimise, hmm...)? Tell her she's color blind (ha - just kidding)? AAAh! I'm soooo confused!! I just want to express myself!
(Sorry for the long rant, I just feel that too much information is better than not enough. If I'm off the mark in some way or there's some rule I've missed, please let me know (sometimes I miss stuff because I'm thinking about more questions I can ask in the coming weeks (more to come! ha! (like "do you spell "gray" with an "a" or an "e""??! :P Ahh!)))). Okay, thanks!

Oh, this reminds me - my wife doesn't like these gray socks I got a couple of weeks ago.

Dude, it's not the socks she objects to. It what you wear them on.

I have a problem with how people tag things. I posted a question about interviewing for jobs while employed. I certainly searched for posts tagged with 'interview' and 'job' and such, but I missed a recent question (posted while I was on vacation) because the tag said 'interviewing'. I felt like a tool, but I can only work with what people give me.

thanks jon, that's really helpful (I'm being sarcastic).

As a frequent answerer of relationship questions, I see their beauty in the good responses. Most of art, literatures, film, music -- all the best things about humanity -- have been inspired by love. I think that huge portions of people's worldviews are shaped by how they see relationships. With that, I think it's fascinating and inspiring and enlightening to read other people's takes on these things. I read comments by Miko or scody or some of the other fantastic, thoughtful people who post, and I get new insight into human beings.

And as someone who once asked a relationship-ish question, I would say: When you're at the end of your rope, you can feel more alone in the world then you ever thought possible; when you're depressed or sad, you can kind of lose all ability to effectively sort (or seek out) information. I think there's value in having one place in which you can post your ramblings and have people tell you you're not alone, and give you the next few steps you need to take. Those things may be obvious to people who aren't depressed and lonely, but they're often not so obvious to people who are.

(All that said, I hate questions whose answers can be found on Google in about three seconds!

I think it is the Internet culture, in which answers to everything are available somewhere on the net. I mean, I can get any manner of plumbing or electrical questions answered, find the best accommodations in Tierra del Fuego, get guidance on whether the pain in my chest today is muscular-skeletal in origin or early signs of a massive coronary, etc., etc., etc., etc., so why not questions about my relationships?

I feel like there IS good advice that can be siphoned out of all of it but also questions whether these questions CAN be answered or whether it's best to muddle through as best as one can and learn hard lessons, rather than rely on strangers for guidance.

I won't ask you fucking fuck faces anything, you'll only laugh or tell me to turn to Dr. Phil. j/k


:)


or fucking Froogle it./

AskMe is a victim of its own simplicity, on a couple of counts.

First, as youngergirl44 points out, a folksonomy is poor way of indexing a knowledge store, simply because it is so loose, and puts the whole burden of finding information on the unaided search function. Stemming and other search expansion tricks don't work well in the AskMe folksonomy, because the only search functions provided shell out to general purpose Web indexes, with their own rules and search logic.

Second, the external search functions are the utterly generally purpose Web indexes, which suck for so many reasons, even when pre-loaded with single site URL search strings. About their only advantage is that they are "fast," but because they are so hard to use for most people wanting to drill down to specific past posts, few people use them. This leads to lots of special snowflakes posting nearly identical repeat questions, because it is a lot easier to Ask than to search and contemplate.

Finally, the apparent simplicity of the site encourages run-and-gun tactics by many who reply, especially in relationship threads. It's so easy to pop in with a sentence or two comment, that many people who comment can't even be bothered to fully read the question, or the previous comments in full. Personally, I think that if there were one thing that would help the relationship threads immediately, it would be to drop the big ban hammer on anybody who didn't read the question or the previous comments, but still felt compelled to post a comment.

Finally, I think too many people take the little green backwater pond of the Internet that is AskMe way too seriously. It's a fairly small and shallow pool, as pools of expertise go, and it gets very self-congratulatory in there, as all the MeFi sub-sites do. You never see a Bulgarian perspective on relationship issues, or an Albanian view of sex in there. Marital advice from Arab polygamists is in short supply, and might defuse much anxiety in those looking to renorm their own relationships.

It ain't brain surgery or rocket science we're doin' in there, but sometimes, it feels like people think we are, or should be.

whether these questions CAN be answered or whether it's best to muddle through as best as one can and learn hard lessons, rather than rely on strangers for guidance.

Which is why I think responders who rely more on personal anecdote and questions tend (in my opinion) to be more helpful. "Dump her" is kind of random advice; "Have you thought about X, Y, and Z? What if you tried A, B, or C? In similar situations, I did Q, and it ended up S-ing," would seem more appropriate.

I always think, in these debates about whether relationship questions can be "answered," that people who say "no" are not really understanding that the asker isn't looking for one answer, but for general guidance or new ways of looking at the problem, and that that process is a valuable learning tool. I don't see why there's anything wrong with trying to learn from other people, and taking form their lessons what you can, rather than just muddling through blindly on your own.

I mean, there are things that work in relationships, and things that don't, and there are ways of quantifying and teaching some of the things that work. "If you want a happy relatinship, here are some things you need to do" is not all that much different from "If you want a computer that works, here are some things you need to do." Is it?

/therapist-to-be spiel

Okay... the thing is, we can't really be hashing out what does or doesn't belong on AskMe here. It's just the wrong place. In order for something like this to register and be discussed properly (heh.), it needs to be in metatalk where matt and jess will see it.

I'm actually fascinated to hear what y'all think (no, really!), and I have some opinions about it myself, but I'm going to close this thread, and invite everyone to take it to the grey.