MetaChat - BE MY FOOT

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15 January 2007

BE MY FOOT I found something odd in my bedroom at Swan's End. Someone had carved the words "BE MY FOOT" deeply into the closet door frame. A friend of mine tried to convince me to leave it as it was as he thought it was cool. I didn't want to, although I did take a picture for posterity's sake. I thought at first I was stuck with it as planing down the door frame far enough to get rid of the letters would make it look terrible. Then I decided to see what some Polyfil could do. It took several applications and some time, but after being spackled, sanded and painted, the letters were gone. Now I'm just wondering why those words were carved there. Was it the name of someone's garage band? Was it a passionate love poem from a gallant foot fetishist? What could those words have meant?

post by: Orange Swan at: 13:05 | 15 comments

I demand photos!

posted by pieisexactlythree 15 January | 13:07

It sounds biblical.

posted by iconomy 15 January | 13:11

It made me think of Blue Oyster Cult.

posted by BoringPostcards 15 January | 13:15

"Be My Foot" is only one segment of a five-part verbal invocation intended to call forth the Dread Elder God Nebhok'Hanuuzxa'r. The other segments, each located strategically across the globe in houses whose residents have never and shall never meet, are carved into various other types of containment-designated "alcoves of power."

Where your segment was found in a closet -- perhaps out of a sense of dark, cthonic whimsy -- others will be found in the cupboards, crannies, nooks and attics of four other abodes. And what do the other segments say? Scholars disagree, but according to Chalmbrick's Incomplete Study Of Annihilated Husks And Blasted Heaths (1874), we can ascertain that the other statements will certainly include one or three of the following:
- Pat My Head
- Rub My Belly
- Scratch My Thigh

The fourth invocation remains entirely unknown, but whispers claim it to be shin-related.

Furthermore, it is said that at the Time Of Unscheduled Reckoning, five nondescript (but very loathsome) disciples of Nebhok'Hanuuzxa'r will enter simultaneously the five "alcoves of power" and read the deeply-worn carvings within. Then and only then will the Dread Elder God stream forth from the thirty-sixth dimension to consume all known existence.

So hey ... way to go with the Polyfil, eh?

posted by grabbingsand 15 January | 13:20

While grabbingsand's explanation is certainly elaborate and well crafted, it's entirely and completely fucking wrong.

Whomever carved that is obviously an adherent to the religion of Bokonon. Feets, feets, feets!

posted by loquacious 15 January | 13:34

Nonsense, it's existential rebellion, or an answer to Hamlet's dillemma. "'Be', my foot! I choose not-be!"

posted by George_Spiggott 15 January | 13:46

Be my fool? Be my food? Be my tool?

posted by shane 15 January | 13:50

grabbingsand! I laughed.

posted by taz 15 January | 13:52

A dark shape just appeared behind me while I was typing away in my cubicle and intoned, "I'm from the thrity-sixth dimension. Where's the bitch with the Polyfil?"

I directed this entity to my charming co-worker, Hobbette.

posted by Orange Swan 15 January | 14:00

And Sir Bemy Foote is lost to the dust of history. :-P

posted by WolfDaddy 15 January | 14:22

Oh my.

posted by shane 15 January | 14:43

grabbingsand! I laughed.

I did too, for sure. The punchline was sublime. But I still think it's the mark of a Bokonon cult.

posted by loquacious 15 January | 14:57

It's an anagram for "Tomb of" someone with the initials Y and E (or possibly the Chinese name Ye). Perhaps you should check your local missing persons database. You could have a skeleton in your closet.

posted by bigblueroom 15 January | 15:05

≡ Click to see image ≡
Bad scan!

It's an anagram for "Tomb of" someone with the initials Y and E (or possibly the Chinese name Ye).

RED RUM! RED RUM!

The body is in the door...

posted by shane 15 January | 15:09

Best band name evar.

posted by Specklet 15 January | 15:15

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