MetaChat - Awkward situations.

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11 January 2007

Awkward situations. →[More:]
So I stopped at a Pret a Manger for lunch yesterday. The place was packed, but I eventually found a gap to plonk my arse down and munch my mackerel sandwich.

As if on cue, like a comedy sketch, the place suddenly emptied out to leave just me and a couple seated a chair away who then, to a backdrop of plinky-plonky jazz music, spent the next fifteen minutes like this:

He: Just fuck off. I can't be bothered with you. Just fuck off. (repeat)
She: (sobbing) But we were having such a nice day. (repeat)

The worst bit was that I'd just asked this girl whether she was using the seat she was waiting by, and she was smiling and seemed perfectly happy and chipper until her man came back with his sandwich and started telling her to fuck off.

It wasn't even an interesting argument. They just literally repeated that for quarter of an hour. And I'm left sitting there pondering the usual dilemmas: "Do I get up and move, or is that even more awkward than just sitting here and pretending to ignore them? God, I've left it too long now; if I get up now then it's obvious I'm moving away because of them. Maybe I should get something out to read. God, I haven't got anything. I'll read my sandwich box instead. Poor girl. He seems like an idiot. (Do they really make all these sandwiches fresh every day?) I feel like I should buy her a nice hot chocolate or something. No, no, that's weird. Get back to your sandwich."

It seems that my upbringing has left me with no tools to deal with situations like this, other than the "sit quietly and don't make a fuss" gambit. Unfortunately, it has also equipped me with a very active "worry about whether your actions were appropriate" cortex. What does everyone else do in awkward situations?

post by: chrismear at: 10:51 | 17 comments

That's sad...it almost seems unreal. In that particular situ I definitely would have moved, because I wouldn't have cared what they thought of me or why I moved. If you feel uncomfortable with just upping and moving you could always pretend you just got a call on your cell and get up to go talk someplace more private.

I thank technology for my trusty MP3 player in cases like the one you just described.

posted by iconomy 11 January | 11:04

Either put on my iPod and ignore it, or listen in to see if they'll say anything funny I can send in to OverheardInNewYork.com.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 11 January | 11:05

Ugh, it upsets me when I see someone mistreating someone else like that. I'd have probably moved, maybe faking a cell phone call like ico said.

posted by BoringPostcards 11 January | 11:08

The BF and I were walking home from dinner one night when I saw a girl in an amazing dress that I loved. She was clearly having a fight with her boyfriend, but I didn't hesitate to ask where she got it. She stopped mid-yell and happily told me it was from Nordstrom's. They went back to fighting, but I got the sense she liked the compliment. This does not always work, as I did it with another woman in a fight (she had the coolest boots ever!) and she scoffed at me. This could also be because I was huddled with a friend under a jacket as it rained and we smoked 15 feet from the bar entrance (as required by the city of Chicago). We probably looked like hobos.

A far worse situation in London unfolded like this: We were almost home when we encountered a drunk couple fighting across the street from our hotel. The girl was in tears as the boyfriend (asshole) ripped her necklace off, ripped her tiara off (I know, why was she wearing a tiara?) and threw them both in the street. All the while he's yelling about how she's a whore. She cries harder. Everything in the area was closing, so there were throngs of people on the streets. As she went to pick up her things, the guy pushes her. Immediately, three guys off the street tackle him, yelling about leaving her alone. The asshole breaks free from them and starts walking away. The girl follows him. I was happy that the guys stepped in because the boyfriend was getting violent, but became disinterested when she followed him. My own, non-violent, non-yelling boyfriend and I then went into the hotel and got drunk with some crazy Irish guys.

posted by youngergirl44 11 January | 11:08

Yeah, I would have moved away myself.

posted by JanetLand 11 January | 11:12

There was a couple fighting in the parking lot outside a bar a few weeks ago. I had drunk too much, so I thought it was perfectly appropriate to ask her to come home with me and my friends. She told me to fuck off and went back to arguing.

In that situation, I probably would have moved away. Don't worry about it, by the way. No one ever knows what to do in situations where people are "making a scene". It's awkward for everyone.

posted by muddgirl 11 January | 11:16

*shrug*

They were the ones making it uncomfortable for you while you were trying to eat your lunch. Who cares if your moving away made them embarrassed? Maybe it would have shut them up.

Of course, I say that. In reality I probably would have sat there like you. Although I do believe that if you're bringing that shit into public, then the public has a right to participate so maybe I would have started throwing opinions in there. I do that with people who (obviously) want to involve me in their lives by talking too loudly on their cellphones. It's fun.

posted by gaspode 11 January | 11:20

They were the ones making it uncomfortable for you while you were trying to eat your lunch. Who cares if your moving away made them embarrassed?

I almost pointed that out myself, gaspode. If there was a way to embarrass the asshole boyfriend without also embarrassing the crying girl, I'd be all over that.

posted by BoringPostcards 11 January | 11:31

I think I would of moved, or finished very quickly.

A few years ago while on a trip to the Florida Keys I witnessed the saddest display. A drunk father was yelling at his child, an 11 or 12-year old boy, in a Winn Dixie parking lot. The father was berating him and screaming that he was worthless and horrible, and "couldn't even play baseball." "You stunk at your last game, you couldn't even get a hit." The yelling went on for at least 5 minutes and then the dad squealed out of the parking lot in his pick-up truck. The boy sat crying on the grocery store curb. I went up to him, and asked if he was okay. I asked if he had a ride, and he said his mother was coming to pick him up. I told him not to listen to him, that his father was wrong, etc. The boy was sobbing and said that his father was drunk. I told him that he was a great kid, that he was worthwhile and to try his best to ignore his father.

I felt terribly sad about this scene. I got into the car with my husband and we were both upset. About a half a mile down the road we saw two parked sheriff's deputies. I alerted them to the drunk driver, the make of the vehicle, and told them the story.

I think about this boy often.

posted by LoriFLA 11 January | 11:47

chris... that reminds me of the stolen biscuit story. You know the one? Where someones reading his newspaper and takes a biscuit out of the package and eats it, then someone *else* does the same thing out of the same package. It is uncomfortable enough that neither person says a thing, but neither backs down, each eating biscuits in turn until they're all gone. Then the original person stands up and realizes *his* biscuits were underneath the newspaper the whole time. :O

posted by Doohickie 11 January | 12:02

Now that I think about it, I have not (thankfully) witnessed too many fights in public, for some reason. But last summer I was in Beijing for a meeting and had taken a morning off to see the city. I was strolling around quite happy that the weather was nice and I was getting to see so many interesting places. Suddenly, I almost bumped into a young guy who had just pushed off his girlfriend so hard she stumbled and almost fell. I am not entirely sure but I thought I also saw him throwing something at her (a ring perhaps?) and she was looking for it in the grass by the side of the pavement while he was walking away in a hurry. I mean, imagine, all this took place within a second or so... But the amazing thing was that it took place completely soundless, I mean nobody made a single sound. I saw the expressions in their faces, his very angry and hers very hurt. But not a single sound, moan or word came out of their mouths. The moment was so emotionally overloaded that I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day. Seriously, I felt sick I witnessed it, I felt sick I did not step in to ask the girl whether she needed help. I think of them sometimes even now... Fighting in public is twice as much embarrassing for the parties involved, I think.

I would have hesitated to change a seat also, chrismear, because I would not want to embarrass the woman even further. But on the other hand I would feel that I am invading their "privacy" if I stayed... I can imagine too that if things were rough, I would dare say something, but I am not sure. The dynamic of the moment is different when you live it than when you think about it rationally. Oh gosh.

posted by carmina 11 January | 12:06

I walked out of a place in the Village after I'd ordered dessert because the owners were having a fight, reported a guy who was shoving his SO in the subway stepwell to the person in the token booth (who for once DID take me seriously), and told one of the little girls who was at Thanksgiving dinner--and had witnessed my aunt's friend behaving obnoxiously--that sometimes alcohol makes people mean when they drink it, but that this was not her fault.

posted by brujita 11 January | 12:57

I probably would have sat quietly and maybe scribbled on a napkin so it didn't look like I was listening in.

Many years ago I was drinking with a bunch of friends on the front porch of a house when a car pulled into the parking lot across the street. A man and a woman got out and started screaming at each other and they shoved each other and then the man punched her. Before we had even made it down the stairs, the guys who lived next door rushed out and broke a 40 oz bottle over the abusive guy's head. The woman got into the car and drove off, leaving the guy unconcious and bleeding all over the pavement. A few minutes later he got up and ran off and neither of them came back to our neighbourhood again. So I guess that's one way of dealing with a situation.

The father was berating him and screaming that he was worthless and horrible, and "couldn't even play baseball." "You stunk at your last game, you couldn't even get a hit."

That story makes me really sad.

posted by cmonkey 11 January | 14:18

carmina, I too feel ill when seeing something like that and raised, argumentative voices can send me into a tailspin. Too much of it growing up, I suppose.

Two weeks ago when the mister and I were heading into the grocery store a couple was heading out. The guy was just going on and on and on berating the woman for all sorts of things. She just walked behind him, face pale, staring at the ground and shoulders hunched as if to ward off a blow. I'm sure she was embarrassed and humiliated beyond belief. I don't know that I'll ever get that scene out of my head.

As for chrismear's situation - I think I would have moved. I might have even abandoned my lunch and left.

posted by deborah 11 January | 15:35

In chrismear's situation I usually settle back and make it clear I'm listening in and enjoying the scene. (As long as they aren't so scary that I think they'll beat the shit out of me later.) You know, laugh when someone says something particularly outrageous. Maybe mention Jerry Springer on my way out, if I'm really not afraid of them. Basically pretend it's all performance art.

If they're scary, though, I leave.

posted by small_ruminant 11 January | 15:51

I prefer to run around town with my trusty sword, attacking anyone who isn't wholly virtuous.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 12 January | 07:43

So it's you!

posted by Doohickie 12 January | 09:54

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