*stares in disbelief*

.

I'm partial to the penis screwdriver, myself.

Size matters a whole lot more to guys than girls. Hence, tools for tools...

I'm partial to the penis screwdriver, myself.

Dosen't the orange juice make it all sticky?

Among other things.

NTM, where do you put the lime wedge?

Heretofore I have only heard those words* in the opposite order, i.e., "Ouch! I think I just wrenched my penis."

*Actually I've never heard them in either order before, but they make much more sense this way.

I got my hopes up for a socket wrench shaped like a penis :-(

I, like cmonkey, was hoping for a penis-shaped tool.

Remember: righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Oh HELL to da Nawww!

I was hoping for a tool-shaped... err, never mind.

Oh dear god. You wonder whether we're the only society to have invented anything like this, or whether things in museums innocently labelled "agricultural tool, c.500 BC" have a rather different use...

This penis wrench, it tightens vaginas?

greycap, its a multitasker, its an agricultural tool AND a penis wrench and a whipped dessert topping too!

some people will buy anything.

I have one. It's too small. Now.

Oh dear god. You wonder whether we're the only society to have invented anything like this, or whether things in museums innocently labelled "agricultural tool, c.500 BC" have a rather different use...

Actually, yes. Filthy meat hu-mons have been making sex "toys" pretty much since they first started making "tools". Things get really interesting during the Crusades, the era of the Spanish Inquisition and later during the post-Elizabethan Rennaisance.

And that's just Europe! Meanwhile, Africa and Asia have been getting all kinds of freaky for eons.

Kinky, freaky sex is not a modern invention. Talking about it and studying it is a modern invention. And people are still having sex.

loquacious, let's not forget the ability to enjoy all of the freaky porn from the comfort of your own home thanks to the intartubes. I saw a news item saying that the cyber sex industry has peaked and will start to decline (or maybe someone might say, shrink) for a little while.

You know who were serious kink-ers? The Victorians. Oh yeah!

Okay, honest to god true story. I used to know Mike Salvini, a.k.a. (although not when I knew him, thank god) Double Long Daddy. (Yes, it was really hard to type that with a straight face.) I am happy to report that I have never seen his penis, either before or after he started tightening it with this wrench thing.

Mike, and his brother, Rob, lived in the same small town in Massachusetts that I did, for the same ten years that I lived there. Rob dated the woman who gave me my first bartending job. They lived right down the street from me, and drank at my bar, so I consequently saw a lot of them.

Towards the end of my tenure there, the Salvini boys started to get into a whole lot of trouble with the law, and my buddy, the police chief, was constantly on my ass for serving them at my bar. Shortly after I left town to move to NYC, I read in the local paper that Mike and Rob had been arrested for beating up on a couple of gay guys downtown. It appears they subsequently moved to D.C.

I first saw the website for Size Matters over on Metafilter a year and a half ago, I think, and was utterly flabbergasted not only at the content, but also at that picture of Michael Salvini staring at me from my monitor. One really doesn't expect familiar faces when one clicks on a penile enlargement website, you know?

A Google search reveals that the brothers also have a MySpace website for their band now, so, between that and this ... apparatus ..., they appear to be doing well for themselves.

Sheeesh, I don't have a penis, but looking at those "excercises" made me wince!