Get real drunk, and just laugh at everything.

Unfortunately, per the mentioned grandmother, this will be a "dry" Christmas Eve event. Good thought though.

Go for your grandmother and ignore the jackasses. Go out of your way to be polite. And always remember: being polite IS NOT the same thing as being nice.

Also, you might want to make special plans just for you and your grandmother. It doesn't have to be anything super special. Maybe just make plans to spend an afternoon with her or something. My grandma loves loves loves it when I just drop in on her. (Fortunately I live close enough to be able to do that whenever I feel like it.)

Sometimes I am amazed at the amount of stress the holiday period causes. Increasingly, and this is after the already big increase, people find the holiday season more akin to war than what it is supposed to be - a short gap of timeout from day to day wear-and-tear and getting closer to those that really count in life.


Maybe you are approaching this from the wrong view. So what, the relatives suck, but even they, alongside you and your grandmother only have a short time on this earth. Make the best of it. Humour and knowing inside your heart you want the best for all involved no matter how much of a bunch twats they can be is a lot more rewarding.

The second half of knave's advice is still useful, though. Seriously, laugh and smile at everything. You don't mention exactly what form the assholery takes, but let's say it's something like one of them suddenly saying, "How much longer are you going to put off getting a real job?" Just grin cheerfully. Don't say anything, just grin. This drives assholes nuts. If you must speak, say something totally irrelevant, like, "I really think New England's going all the way this year." And smile smile smile.

I'm probably the last one to answer this question, because I have issues every single year that all of Christmas is taken up with visiting (my husband's) family, and my idea of the perfect Christmas is to get to spend one of the days alone with my husband... either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. But it hasn't happened since we moved here. So, I try to enjoy Christmas more as a season than as the specific days (which are not awful at all, but just sort of stressful for me, instead of calm and relaxed!).

The way I deal with it is by planning my ideal day for the day after Christmas. Nobody ever makes demands on you for that day; (pretty much) nobody has to work that day; everybody is home cocooning; and you can create your own perfect traditions to celebrate. I've actually just finished cooking a turkey to take to the family thing that happens tonight, and have another turkey waiting in the freezer to cook Tuesday, for our own private Day-After-Christmas special day.

So, make arrangements to get with those who are closest to you and do something lovely the day after, if possible. It gives you something to look forward to, which makes it easier to gracefully navigate the more difficult scenes.

If you're going to be there the whole day, take a book and hide somewhere to read it, or take your bicycle, or your camera and a good pair of walking shoes, anything to get you out of the house for an hour or so. If you're only going to be there for a couple of hours, I second the second thing knave said. And you can always have fun subverting the kids. Turn 'em into atheists! (or whatever the aunts and uncles aren't).