Somewhere just north of Kansas City, there's a town called Knob Noster
Which means "Our Knob," doesn't it? Though somehow my girlfriend and I got off on the tangent of Knob Gnoster, the cock that knows.
Then we segued into "My dick solves crimes."→
The two crucial questions are: How well would this work as a chat-up line? Who could pull this off?
The second question: What crimes?
We assume that the backstory for Knob Noster (just looks better that way) is that he was working at the Smithsonian and touched John Dillinger's mummified cock, allowing the repentant and tortured soul of the criminal to possess Knob's knob, using it to solve crime.
We have yet to come up with the mechanism for this crime fighting.