Yak-yak-yak....

I went to Pak 'N Save last night to do some shopping. I moved recently and hadn't tried this "budget" grocery store yet. It seemed okay for the most part.

But oh man, today I opened up the bacon I bought there, and it was dee-skus-tink!

The first thing showing was a wad of hard, thick-cut "ends" of meat, as if they'd come to the end of the pig just as this packet was wrapped.

The first "slice" in the stack was pure white fat. The next slice down was almost pure white fat, except for two round circles of pink meat in the middle of the fat. Under that was a similar slice, but the circles of meat were a little larger - some kind of vein of muscle tunneling through an expanse of swine blubber. WTF?

When I cooked all this, it smelled terrible. I kept sniffing it, hoping for the good old smell of bacon cooking to sharpen my appetite. But it smelled of stale cooking oil with a strong aroma of salt - nothing else.

As the slices cooked, the circles of meat began to stand up on large cones of sizzling fat, peering at me like bleach-white pigpen penises.

I began to gag and threw the mess away.

I miss the Whole Foods that was right next to my old house :(

*makes scarabic a BLT with some good 'ole Oscar Mayer center cut bacon*

aiiii!

You're scaring me. I too have cool stuff next my house (in fact I just found a fabulous smoked bacon kind of thing (not sliced) in one of the specialty places around here - no fat at all - that is amazing), and will have to move... I'll never find a place in a such a perfect food shopping spot again. Never ever ever.

Ewwwwwwwwww.

I don't know why I read that. Good writers writing about awful things is truly awful to read. Ugh uckity uck.

I am ruined for the various organic/natural/high-end bacons. Mainly out of a desire to avoid nitrates, but also because raw bacon can really just occasionally be *so* gross.

Mmm, thanks, GOML. I was already fainting from hunger when all this happened. It sucks to be all low-blood-sugar-shaky and too nauseated to eat. It's beginning to wear off now. I'm enjoying an avocado instead, and a granny smith apple :)

Bummer, taz. Here's hoping your new place has compensatory charms all its own!

Okay... I decided it's officially called Yak 'N Save now.

Ha!!

Very well written. I feel like I was there, sharing your revulsion and disgust.

some kind of vein of muscle tunneling through an expanse of swine blubber

large cones of sizzling fat, peering at me like bleach-white pigpen penises

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look at or smell bacon again. Ever.

You guys! DON'T REPEAT THE WORDS. Urgh. Yak.

What words? You mean like 'peering at me like bleach-white pigpen penises' and 'vein of muscle tunneling through an expanse of swine blubber'? Those kinds of words?

*keels over, dies*

I thought Diesel Sweeties did the best job of refuting the "bacon makes everything better" meme here.

With extra credit for this.

Heresy, I say!