His teacher is pretty cool and conscientious. The thing is, he doesn't seem that weird. He has a hard time with unannounced changes, plays by himself at recess, and is weirdly shy on occasion. He plays well with his siblings and has a sense of humor, and is emotive. Should I be worried?

Oh god. Should you be worried? I think not.

I have no expertise here -- but it just sounds like your kid is shy and socially awkward. And that's normal. Unless he's already extraordinarily attached to your vacuum cleaner, it seems that it's way too early to diagnose something like that.

Unless you're a first-grade teacher, in which case a diagnosis is natural...

It doesn't seem like it from your post. Certainly bears keeping an eye on but he may just be a shy kid who doesn't care for surprises.

There is, as I'm sure you're aware, plenty of info available online to help give you enough information to track his development.

HEY OF COURSE NOT! EVERYBODY HAS ASPERGER'S!!

My older son has Asperger's and sounds exactly like your description. At first it was a bit rough, but in the end it just seems like the wife and I have to steer him through some minor difficulties and help him adapt to some of his particularities when they may interfere with his learning process. Otherwise he's bright, funny and seems to be overcoming the obstacles of Asperger's very well. I wouldn't be worried, but definitely work closely with the teacher and try to see what she's indicating are the reasons for her diagnosis. And if it is eventually confirmed don't be disheartened, just realize your son perceives the world a bit differently, and in a sense I guess Wedge is right, everybody has Asperger's.

Bear in mind that having a college degree and a teaching certification is not necessarily a solid grounding for diagnosing disorders in first graders. This is kinda like how everyone used to have ADD before it became ADHD and Aspergers took over as the Disorder That Is Hip For Children To Have.

Well, the thing with teachers is that they see your child five days a week in a variety of interactions and tasks that you usually don't have the chance to observe (and, likewise, you see behavior that his teacher doesn't), so if you are lucky enough to have an involved, perceptive teacher, it is probably wise to take note of his or her observations. But teachers aren't psychologists, and of course Asperger's is the disease du jour, so you don't want to heed the specific initial "diagnosis" as much as integrate whatever valuable empirical information the teacher has to share into your understanding of your son's everyday world.

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This is kinda like how everyone used to have ADD before it became ADHD and Aspergers took over as the Disorder That Is Hip For Children To Have.

In my day, all the thick, naughty middle class kids had plain old dyslexia. Simpler, happier times.

Frankly your son sounds exactly like I was at that sort of age, and everyone knows I turned out alright. (boom boom!) But seriously: sure, I still prefer security over change, and I am a bit shy and awkward in certain social situations, but I figure we all have our little flag to plant on this grand spectrum of human existence.

Unless it's so far down the line that it's causing real noticeable problems with day-to-day living or interaction, I can't help but feel that branding a person and trying to treat a condition as something that needs to be fixed or mitigated could cause more stress than just learning to live with the idea that some people are a little bit more A and other people are a little bit more B.

Does your son's school have a diagnostician? If he does have Asberger's, there may be adjustments that can be made to help his learning environment. This year's teacher is willing to work with him it appears, but somewhere down the road he might have a teacher that counts his symptoms against him for citizenship grades, etc. Having him formally diagnosed and coordinating with the special ed department can help in this regard.

Our 16-year-old son probably has something like Asberger's. When he was very young, he was a late talker and reader and was in special ed full time. He was described as having autistic spectrum disorder (Asperger's was not in the lexicon 13 years ago; he was kind of autistic, but not full-blown). He eventually worked his way through most of this stuff, but he still has a problem with reading other people which is most evident when he makes glaringly inappropriate jokes (okay, I realize he doesn't have the best role model here).

The point is- if he has it, his teachers should be aware of it and make appropriate adjustments. Or if a qualified professional decides he doesn't have it, he can move on without that hanging over him.

In the case of my son, he slowly worked from full time special ed (trainable mentally impaired) to part time special ed to speech therapy to normal classwork and now takes honors and pre-AP courses.

If you get tied up with the special ed world, though, be careful that he does not get labeled with something more restrictive than appropriate. Because our son steadily improved, the system wasn't always up with his progress and actually got in the way of it at times (because he was labeled TMI early on, the school he was in didn't want to move his category up to the next, slightly more capable one). In general, many educators have the impression (in some cases taught in education courses in college), that once a kid is special ed, they will always be special ed. My wife had to fight a lot of battles to get him where he is.

On the other hand, having a kid in special ed means you get to more actively participate in his education and can more readily influence which teachers he gets.

Bottom line, if he has something that needs attention, by all means get it. But also make sure the school does not overclassify him as more impaired than he is.

In my day, all the thick, naughty middle class kids had plain old dyslexia. Simpler, happier times.

In my day, (late seventies) we were merely hyperactive. Mmmm, Ritalin.

These days they want to diagnose everybody with something. Pretty soon, we're each going to have our own custom-named syndrome. But back in the day, we used to just call that a personality.

Hopefully she really does have his best interests at heart and isn't trying to get him on meds and/or get him moved to another class just to make her own life easier.

Can you tell that my now 16 year old son had a teacher like that when he was in first grade? She self-diagnosed half the kids in her class as having ADD, and spent the better part of the year making life miserable for them, and constantly badgering the parents to get our kids (all boys) on meds. I did end up taking my son to a neurologist, who pronounced him terminally fidgety.

In my day, there were no diagnoses. We were just dorks, nerds, geeks, freaks, or greasy grinds.

greasy grinds? that's a new one.

In my school you were one of four things: an AJ (athletic jerk-off), a Head (freak/stoner), a Nerd (a good thing to be) or a Greaser (a greasy grind...hee). Of course, about 9/10ths of us didn't fall into any of those three categories, so we were probably invisible.

we had jocks (who were kind of an out-group themselves since our teams sucked), the rich kid party crowd and their wannabes, stoners (which subdivided into punks/metalheads/hippies), nerds/spazzes (occasionally members of this group became stoners of some sort as they grew up and got disaffected), and the acheiver kids/Brainiac Elite Corps.

We really only had three groups - the poor kids, the rich kids, and the special ed kids. Sure, we had band kids, and stoners, and nerds, but economic lines were always more clearly defined than social.

My mother has worked with special ed. kids for the past 15-20 years and has a real soft spot for the ones with Aspergers. They are her favorite. She just adores them. I don't recall her ever commenting on feeling that one of her Asperger's students was misdiagnosed. She frequently, however, expresses concern for the kids that should be in her class but aren't because their parents refuse to accept the diagnosis or fear the stigma. She's always saying things like, "I wish they'd give him to me! I could do so much with him!"

I wouldn't sweat it until you have an official diagnosis, craniac. His teacher is probably just throwing out possibilities. And if he is officially diagnosed, chances are excellent that he'll be just fine. A good teacher (like my mom, who is awesome) can help teach him some coping strategies and workarounds to help make life a little easier for him.

It will all be OK! Keep us updated, OK?

In my youth, it was the Sneaker Heads (jocks) and The Rad Cats (skate punks). I was a Rad Cat. I am currently married to the King of the Sneaker Heads.

I think Doohickie (among others above, but especially Doohickie) gave you a pretty good answer, craniac.

Your son sounds a lot like I did as a kid, except notch up the shyness by about a bajillion. And for what it's worth, I test just below Asperger's on the autism scale.

I agree that you should get an official diagnosis. If your son does have Aspberger's, any coping mechanisms you teach him will be exponentially more effective the earlier they are introduced.

If he really has it, he will be helped a lot.

At the same time, like others have said, take an active role in your son's education, and don't assume that educators know what's going on, or what's best for him. Make them prove that to you!

Sure, it used to be that wierd kids just became social rejects instead of getting diagnoses, but I don't know if that's the right way to look at it.

Thanks all for the great advice here. We took him to a local diagnostician and he gave us some paperwork to fill out, but he is thinking it is not autism, but anxieties stemming from having moved four times in the first six years of his life. That sounds a little to pat to me, but we are filling out the home survey. His teacher filled one out too. It took several months just to get the appointment.