MetaChat - How Comfortable Are You About Owning Your Own Shite?

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05 December 2006

How Comfortable Are You About Owning Your Own Shite? →[More:] in going back to a previous thread about marriage and the like, my question to the Bunnyverse is simply this:

How willing are you to own your own crap? Your own choices in the relationships you engender in your life? In your career? Etc.

The reason I ask is that my best friend in all the world just told me he's going through a divorce after being married for 13 years and he has two kids. And it got me to thinking about my own divorce, and the role I played in how it turned out.

I saw mine as an immense growing tool for stuff I needed to work on. So - fess up, Bunnyhaidz, how willing are you to be vulnerable or work on your soft spots?

post by: Lipstick Thespian at: 18:50 | 20 comments

Oh, and by the way? Some of mine are:
-magical thinking
- fear/hatred of authority
- uber-sensitivity
- common sense dearth from alcoholic upbringing.

Fire away, kidlets! :)

posted by Lipstick Thespian 05 December | 18:52

I'm getting better at it from pure force: I finally have a partner that calls me on my shit. Every single other person I've dated or had a significant relationship with has let me run roughshod over their feelings, repeatedly. mr. g doesn't let me do that. Which, hey, I'll admit it - sometimes infuriates me. I should get my own way, dammit!

So yeah, I do tend to own my own crap now, hopefully more and more as I get older. The authority thing is definitely an issue, because I interpret any criticism as "telling me what to do" and I'm the sort of person that will act against my own interests just to avoid that.

Oy.

posted by gaspode 05 December | 19:01

none of it was ever my fault. no, really.
see? nobody ever believes me. ever. stupid world.

*pouts*

posted by quonsar 05 December | 19:03

I don't do vulnerable but I own it, yes. This has been the year that marks where the rest of my life begins.

posted by auntbunny 05 December | 19:11

I finally have a partner that calls me on my shit.

I get the sense that you two have much the same dynamic the mister and I do, gaspode. We must double date someday.

posted by jrossi4r 05 December | 19:16

I have no shite. Nor does my beautiful wife. You poor people.

posted by jonmc 05 December | 19:19

I pwn my own shite.

posted by Hugh Janus 05 December | 19:36

I've been owning my own since I was 14...

posted by youngergirl44 05 December | 19:51

That's my shite, nobody touch it.

I freely admit that it's basically all my fault, but I don't always do anything about that.

posted by Divine_Wino 05 December | 19:51

As I'm in a 12-step programme, I need to look at my part in things for my own mental and spiritual well-being. And guess what? I've learned that not everything that goes wrong is all my fault!! Who'da thunk it!

posted by essexjan 05 December | 20:02

I don't have a problem with being at fault, fully or partially, with what has gone wrong when I've been married. I'm kind of discouraged about it, actually -- I may have learned something about myself, but I doubt it'll change my behavior. Of course, it's much easier to think that I'm "just not cut out for marriage" than to go through the trouble to actually make life changes.

Now those boyfriends who dumped me, though -- they're just plain ASSHOLES.

posted by JanetLand 05 December | 20:25

Oh, I'm a glorious mess. Mrs richat seems to love me anyway, and slowly but surely, I think I am continuing to sort out my shit.

But, life has a funny way of treating those that think they have their shit sorted out. It tends to have you generate new, more fucked up shit. So, as soon as you think you have it all in the out-basket, you look at your in-basket, and well, you say to yourself, "Fuck me, who put all that in there?".

But, so it goes. When in doubt, I just try to think of Larry Darrell in "The Razor's Edge". Larry had his shit together.

posted by richat 05 December | 20:35

Man, I'm so willing to own up to my own shit that I spent a five-year relationship owning up to the other person's too. I mean, someone had to.

I don't recommend it.

posted by mudpuppie 05 December | 20:52

Aww mudpuppie.

Sometimes I own up to my problems. Sometimes I don't. And sometimes I own up to other people's problems. It's a jumble.

posted by halonine 05 December | 21:19

mudpuppie made me go "Awwwww" too. Then, halonine made me smile, sorta. Well, as long as that's okay anyway.

posted by richat 05 December | 21:28

I don't like to think of my shite as a undifferentiated mass, but rather as special, individual snowflakes of shite. I dress mine up in party hats, give them cute names, and then send them out in the world to find friends and fortune. I'm just not the owning sort. :)

(in other words, "not"; I prefer to ignore my faults - and believe me, things will go much smoother between us if you elect to ignore them, too. Subject!)

posted by taz 06 December | 06:58

*raises hand to own shit owning*

- bark is worse than bite. barking is almost always due to fear and/or anger.
- unnecessarily defensive
- not great at confrontation

and like LT:
- fear/hatred of authority
- uber-sensitivity

It's all a work in progress.

And like 'pode, I have a partner who calls me on it and vice versa, amazingly, respectfully.

posted by chewatadistance 06 December | 11:00

My shit's my own and I have no problem claiming it. Taking care of it, well, that's a whole 'nother story. Which, of course, is part of my shit. Taking care of it, that is.

Ouch. I think I hurt myself with that.

posted by deborah 06 December | 15:03

After years and years of therapy, I think I own my shit. Except the shit I've rightfully passed off to my parents.

posted by pickles 06 December | 15:48

I think my shite was rented on a monthly basis, and sometimes I paid for it and sometimes I didn't. I was never good at confrontation (ghosts of the past, I suppose), but as I've gotten older I've gotten better. So, yeah, I think I own my own shite now. It's just that at times, I don't want it.

posted by redvixen 06 December | 19:14

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