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28 November 2006

I've never hated a movie more than I've hated... →[More:]
post by: matteo at: 19:53 | 87 comments
The Sound of Music
posted by matteo 28 November | 19:54
Wow, me too! I sooooo HATE IT! (All except for the gazebo scene... I'm a sucker for the gazebo scene.)

The stinkin' hills aren't alive, I say, they're dead.... DEAD! Muwahahahaha,...
posted by Pips 28 November | 20:00
Moulin Rouge.
posted by BoringPostcards 28 November | 20:02
The Blair Witch Project.
posted by gaspode 28 November | 20:08
If they are alive it's with the sound of mucus.

Forrest Gump
posted by chewatadistance 28 November | 20:11
My unbridled hate for The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension is well documented, and well warranted.

I liked the Sound of Music, but then again I like sappy things like The Sound of Music and pancakes and trees.
posted by iconomy 28 November | 20:13
I never really liked the movie much either, but if it weren't for that flick, seeing Julie Andrews' boobies in SOB (NSFW, duh) would've been far less titillating.

Wait...that means I like topless nuns...I gotta go say some Hail Marys....
posted by jonmc 28 November | 20:17
Oh, gosh, there's so MANY!

But let's go with the old reliables: all Star Wars movies but for the original and The Empire Strikes Back.
posted by WolfDaddy 28 November | 20:18
I will also say Moulin Rouge.
posted by court siem 28 November | 20:25
Alien vs. Predator is my default response to this question.
posted by casarkos 28 November | 20:27
Jackass. Okay, I've never seen it. But I know I hate it anyway.
posted by amro 28 November | 20:28
There was this kickboxing movie in the 80's that was so stupid, so pigheadedly devoted to Cold War bullshit that even I couldn't find anything redeeming about it. It didn't star Jean Claude Van Damme, it was about a teenager. I cannot for the life of me remember the title. I remember the 'hero' had a black sidekick named 'R.J.' if that's any help.
posted by jonmc 28 November | 20:32
Zoolander, I walked out after 20 minutes (I snuck in though after watching something else, so I didn't lose anything more than those 20 minutes).
posted by mischief 28 November | 20:32
here was this kickboxing movie in the 80's that was so stupid...

Was it one of Kickboxer's sequels starring Sasha Mitchell?
posted by freudianslipper 28 November | 20:37
Zoolander,

Roger that, dude. Something about Ben Stiller makes me want to slap him upside his smug little head.
posted by jonmc 28 November | 20:37
Baby Geniuses. *shudder*
posted by Specklet 28 November | 20:41
Ben Stiller is a black hole of comedy into which all funny is pulled, never to be seen again.
posted by Triode 28 November | 20:44
I don't think anything is suckier than the 1981 made for TV movie The Harlem Globetrotters go to Gilligan's Island.
posted by chewatadistance 28 November | 20:46
Blair Witch Project would be my #1 choice. There's also a movie called Equilibrium which is so bad you actually feel embarassed to watch it.
posted by clevershark 28 November | 20:56
Scenes From A Mall.

Of course, I left that movie about a quarter through it and walked right into a showing across the hall of L.A. Story, one of my faves of all time.
posted by grabbingsand 28 November | 20:58
Waterworld

I loved Jackass and the sequel. Something about those fellas just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
posted by mullacc 28 November | 21:03
THE ENGLISH PATIENT!

quit telling your stupid story and DIE ALREADY!
posted by carmina 28 November | 21:07
Also, There is something about Mary. Glad I only caught it on TV, the first 10 minutes of it actually. In general I do not get these kinds of movies. So, it's probably me.

And, anything Adam Sandler's done. Nothing personal, cute guy and all, but his movies, major suckiness. I do like Ben Stiller, though.
posted by carmina 28 November | 21:13
Moulin Rouge. Ok, I didn't hate it hate it, but I hate the way some people loooooove it. It's not a musical!!!! Don't call it that!!!!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 28 November | 21:18
My vote's with Moulin Rouge. It was so eye-glazingly uninteresting I had to concentrate just to keep my eyes on the screen.
posted by nomis 28 November | 21:18
Also, all musicals.
posted by nomis 28 November | 21:19
Recently Kids and Wassup Rockers. I hate Larry Clark so much. And Wassup Rockers could have been so good. It takes a lot for me to turn a movie off, really a lot.
posted by Divine_Wino 28 November | 21:26
Oh yes and the Sound of Music, what the fuck, is that movie 70 hours long?
posted by Divine_Wino 28 November | 21:28
One more for Moulin Rouge. A horrible pastiche. Bleeeagh.
posted by psho 28 November | 21:53
I thought I was alone! I've hated the SOM since it preemted the Six Million Dollar Man way back in 1976!!

posted by black8 28 November | 22:02
Titanic. I saw it at a drive-in and was reduced to screaming "sink already!" It was only the cooler full of gin and tonic that got me through.
posted by LarryC 28 November | 22:08
*imagines matteo walking into a video store*

"Good afternoon sir! May I help you?"
"Yes, you may! I was suprised to hear of a biopic based on the Von Trapp family. Could you tell me if you have a copy in stock?"
"Oh, absolutely, sir! It's a true classic! I must commend you on your excellent taste!"

*matteo blinks, then chuckles*

"Well, I've read up on them a bit-"
"-Right this way, sir. Over here."
"Uh, which one?"
"Ah-ha-ha! Funny, sir! It's this title right here."

*clerk hands matteo video box*

"Uh...this just says 'The Sound of Music'. There must be some mistake."
"Nope, no mistake sir. It's a fantastic film!"

*imagines matteo looking skeptically at video store clerk, then pointing to another clerk nearby*

"That's what your coworker said about that Ian Flemming picture I rented last week. You know...the one where Dick Van Dyke is driving a car."
posted by Smart Dalek 28 November | 22:11
Evita. I kept waiting for them to stop singing. They didn't. (I love lots of musicals, but "rock opera" is unbearable.)
posted by jack_mo 28 November | 22:17
Only one? Unpossible!
Batman Forever, or whatever the hell it was. Had Schwartzenegger and Uma Thurman and Batgirl and Robin in it, and it blew chunks.
Pretty much anything with a little plucky kid in it*, say like Home Alone, in which just one determined, aware guy with a baseball bat could've "explained" to the kid that he's actually an annoyance, and should really be very very afraid for his life right about now.

*An exception to this would be something like The Road Warrior, which had a plucky little kid in it, but this one happened to be packing a razor-edged boomerang. And could use it.
posted by Zack_Replica 28 November | 22:44
I hate Larry Clark so much.

Larry Clark has some visual talent, I'll admit, but content-wise he's the definition of what Johnny Rotten called 'a cheap holiday in other people's misery.'
posted by jonmc 28 November | 22:50
Larry Clark has some visual talent

Then he should stick to taking pictures of 14 year old junkies shooting up with their flies open and knock off the movies.
posted by Divine_Wino 28 November | 23:02
American Beauty.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs 28 November | 23:13
Jacob's Ladder.
posted by jessamyn 28 November | 23:23
You people need to see more truly awful movies. Like that one with Cindy Crawford and the Baldwin. That was foul.
posted by jrossi4r 28 November | 23:26
You people need to see more truly awful movies. Like that one with Cindy Crawford and the Baldwin. That was foul.

Oh God, I remember that, what about that one with Geena Davis and Sam Jackson? I think I tried to bite through my own tongue during that one.

My brain seems to protect me from bad movies by totally forgetting about them.

personally I can't understand how someone couldn't like Buckaroo Banzai, but as long as they don't stop me from loving every minute of it forever and ever, I'm cool.
posted by Divine_Wino 28 November | 23:45
The South Park movie.
posted by knave 28 November | 23:50
Waking Life. I'm a fan of Philip K. Dick and I've yet to see a film based on something he wrote that wasn't really enjoyable (even Total Recall). But Waking Life fills me with trepedation when I contemplate A Scanner Darkly.
posted by GeckoDundee 28 November | 23:52
It's a Wonderful Life. Yes, I know, y'all hate me now, but I can't stand it.

I can't say I hate Moulin Rouge but I could only bear to watch about 20 minutes of it. I was so very disappointed as I really wanted to like it.

I've never watched The Sound of Music.

Oh, and of the hated movies - I love American Beauty and The English Patient (Colin Firth and Naveen Andrews *drool*).

On preview: I like The Long Kiss Goodnight.

:^P
posted by deborah 28 November | 23:52
I don't watch movies very often and I'm pretty damned picky about the ones that do actually get my ticket money. They usually come highly recommended and they've been in the theaters for a while. I've never seen 99% of the stuff you guys are trashing here.

If I were in the habit of heading out every weekend to see a movie, I'm sure I would have an impressive list of stinkers too.

But I don't. Oh, well.
posted by jason's_planet 29 November | 00:02
Cable, Jason's_Planet, cable and airplanes.
posted by Divine_Wino 29 November | 00:07
Hate is such a strong word for something nobody forced you to do. I like to save my hate for things like world hunger and child poverty. Movies are fairly inconsequential.
posted by Eideteker 29 November | 00:24
If I were in the habit of heading out every weekend to see a movie, I'm sure I would have an impressive list of stinkers too.

Perhaps. I go to the cinema a lot and rarely see a stinker*. When you have to make the effort to get off your arse and travel, and then hand over cash money for something that you can get a reasonable facsimile of at home without spending any extra money, you tend to pick them more carefully.

*Though given that I thought I really enjoyed The Departed, perhaps the above is more an explanation of self-deception. Who knows?
posted by GeckoDundee 29 November | 00:27
Hate has a sliding scale old hoss, you can hate world hunger and a movie, the human mind is capable of wonders I tell ya, just amazing wonders. For instance I fucking hate violence against people who can't defend themselves and I also hate that gum that shoots a little cold blast of jelly into your mouth when you bite into it, see it's simple.
posted by Divine_Wino 29 November | 00:40
Man, I hate that gum too.
posted by Specklet 29 November | 00:42
What?!?!? You mean like Freshen Up? The stuff we used to call Cum Gum in jr. high? It's DELIGHTFUL.

And yeah...cable is responsible for me seeing a lot of bad movies. It's amazing what you're willing to watch when you're hung over on a Sunday.
posted by jrossi4r 29 November | 00:43
Chasing Amy and Dogma.
posted by halonine 29 November | 00:54
Even the most God awful movies can have memorably indelible moments, as in the 2002 loser The Sweetest Thing, starring Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate, which has this bit of dialog between Diaz playing "Christina" and Applegate playing "Courtney":
Courtney: Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani?
Christina: Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department!
Courtney: Yeah! Well neither have I, okay!
Christina: High five on the clean poonani!
[Gives a high five]
Courtney: Bitch!

The look of irrepressible joy on Diaz' face as she delivers these lines is the very definition of acting.
posted by paulsc 29 November | 00:58
Thank you for saying:
Forrest Gump
Jacob's Ladder
Waking Life
posted by Hellbient 29 November | 01:01
I made it a point not to watch Forrest Gump in the first place, so I can't really say that I hat it. Just that I refust to see it.

However, I did see Three Women and They Shoot Horses, Don't They? and both of them nearly killed me. There's a lot of awful film from the Seventies.
posted by me3dia 29 November | 01:26
53 comments and nobody has mentioned Swingers yet?

Am I the only one here with the misfortune of being a college freshman in '97?

Also, since I finally watched it a few weeks back, what the *hell* was all the hype about Sideways? Meh.
posted by ufez 29 November | 01:28
Also: Anyone mention Swordfish yet?
posted by ufez 29 November | 01:30
Waking Life is one of my favorite movies. But then, what do I know? I can't even be arsed to hate properly/proportionately.
posted by Eideteker 29 November | 01:35
The English Patient.
posted by eamondaly 29 November | 01:36
Also, since I watched it this evening: Poseidon. It took an AWFUL LONG TIME for them to kill a white guy, didn't it?
posted by eamondaly 29 November | 01:37
What, no hate for Armaggeddon? And what is it about Ben Affleck, anyway; do they have conversations in Hollywood that go like: "Hey, we're making a film that's so aggressively, cerebral cortex-meltingly bad that every frame is a separate and distinct deadly insult to every faculty of every viewer. So, what's Affleck's schedule like?"

You name it: Dogma, Pearl Harbor, Gigli (reputedly), the aforementioned asteroid pic and presumably everything I haven't seen. The man's the cinematic equivalent of a lethal injection.
posted by George_Spiggott 29 November | 02:15
Godfather Part III. Suckiest. Sequel. Ever. Even more so in view of the awesomeness of Parts I and II.

I knew Titanic would both suck and blow, so I never saw it. Likewise Gladiator.
posted by essexjan 29 November | 03:37
eyes wide shit shut
posted by syntax 29 November | 04:56
syntax, the newly wed Mr. Holmes has graced two major stinkers: "Vanilla Skies Wide Shut."
posted by rob511 29 November | 05:46
Bridges of Madison County.

Also the previously mentioned Moulin Rouge and Something About Mary (although I did like Stuck on You).
posted by rainbaby 29 November | 06:59
I like to think that Robert Wise cancelled whatever merit he built with The Day The Earth Stood Still with The Sound of Music.

Same thing with The Sand Pebbles and West Side Story.
posted by sciurus 29 November | 07:49
The two movies I've seen where I've actually felt embarrassed for the actors are David Cronenberg's Crash (and I love Cronenberg) and Paul Verhoeven's Showgirls (and I like Verhoeven much more than I should admit, but isn't that the way with Verhoeven).
posted by Prospero 29 November | 08:03
what is it about Moulin Rouge?

do you know those "friend of a friend" people that you tolerate but they aren't actually Your friend? okay...well, a person that fits that description told me Moulin Rouge was her all-time favorite movie. that was it for me, i can't like her.
blah...
posted by karim satasha 29 November | 08:25
Godfather Part III - my lucky coat, I've got to go back and get my lucky coat!

I haven't seen even close to the entire movie, but after seeing the ridiculous scene that contains this line, I'm pretty certain I don't need to.
posted by Hellbient 29 November | 08:52
I also hate that gum that shoots a little cold blast of jelly into your mouth when you bite into it, see it's simple.

That would be Freshen-Up aka Cum Gum.
posted by jonmc 29 November | 09:15
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
posted by JanetLand 29 November | 09:27
DAMMIT JANET!
posted by sciurus 29 November | 09:40
I really liked Moulin Rouge. I remember watching it while sitting on my couch with a woman with whom I was very much in love, feeling all sappy and romantic. Later, she told me she was thinking about another guy the whole time. That pretty much ruined the movie for me. It came on this past weekend, as I was doing some chores in the living room, and I absolutely could not watch it.
posted by mrmoonpie 29 November | 09:59
Even Short People Started Small - the only movie I ever walked out of and demanded - and received - my money back. Even the film series staff couldn't defend it.
posted by warbaby 29 November | 10:31
This MeFi thread was good for understanding Eyes Wide Shut more. I leave enjoyment as an exercise for the viewer (in unclenching).
posted by Eideteker 29 November | 10:33
weretable and the undead chairs is right, American Beauty is so goddamn terrible. A truly disgusting movie.
posted by soundofsuburbia 29 November | 10:34
This MeFi thread was good for understanding Eyes Wide Shut more. I leave enjoyment as an exercise for the viewer (in unclenching).

Well, there was a lot of nudity. That can make just about anything endurable.
posted by jonmc 29 November | 10:37
Of those mentioned above, I really like The Sound of Music and Bridges of Madison County.

The film I've hated most is End of Days. Even though it contains Gabriel Byrne, who is sexiness personified.

I also managed to sit through only about 20 minutes of Titanic a few Christmases ago before becoming so pissed off by its badness I had to leave the room before my family threw me out.
posted by altolinguistic 29 November | 10:39
Freshen Up Gum Commercial

Wow.

Oh, and here are some movies I loathed:

eXistenZ
Heavy
Palmetto
posted by Otis 29 November | 11:37
Your hated movie doesn't suck. Or: The movie you hate doesn't suck.

Nope, just doesn't have the same snark as "your favourite movie sucks".
posted by deborah 29 November | 12:31
(that's not to say my family liked it and I'm criticising their taste - they were drunker than I was).
posted by altolinguistic 29 November | 13:00
I really liked American Beauty. I find Kevin Spacey LOL hilarious in it. Plus there's one scene where Not-Thora-Birch calls someone a "cunt" with an inflection that my friends and I still use to this day.

I also loved The Blair Witch Project and have no strong objection to The Sound of Music.

But Dogma, my god Dogma, I hate that movie VIOLENTLY and it makes me think that Kevin Smith might be borderline mentally retarded.

As for Titanic, my usually mild-mannered husband stood up at the end and yelled at the screen, "YOU HAVE TAKEN THREE HOURS OF MY LIFE AND I WOULD LIKE IT BACK!"
posted by jrossi4r 29 November | 13:16
Arlington Road: it's Reefer Madness but with right wing militia groups standing in for Mary Jane.

Serendipity: Possibly the most selfish love story ever, barring The Passion of Ayn Rand. I hated the people in this movie so much.

The Stone Reader: I gave up when the guy started going through the card catalog at the library. This is not good filmmaking.

Epidemic: I usually love Lars Van Trier, but this movie was so relentlessly dull, and in a dull way. Gave up around the wine tasting scene.

Astro Zombies: Just bad. Not good-bad, bad.
posted by PinkStainlessTail 29 November | 13:37
Shrek was on TV the other night while I was cleaning the apartment. I'd never seen it. God, it was awful. Pulling out your hair awful. Disney Hip--now there's a euthanasia ready concept.
posted by y2karl 29 November | 14:17
Along those lines, I watched that Freaky Friday remake a few months ago, and it was the worst movie I'd seen in a good while.
posted by box 29 November | 15:04
The movie where Robin Williams was a car salesman Tim Robbins came into his dealership to steal money. I was younger and with my parents, and I COULD NOT drive, so I "went to the bathroom" for about 20 min. after the movie started just to stall. Then the movie got better.

Call me a heathen, but "Eyes Wide Shut" is one of the few Kubrick movies that I liked and understood, and that was before I heard of the Blue and any possible links to cool interpretations and analyses of it.
posted by TrishaLynn 29 November | 15:37
Goonies.

But if I can nominate movies I haven't seen, but which I know I would hate if I did, then Borat.
posted by DevilsAdvocate 29 November | 17:59
Possesion--no way could Neil Labute do justice to such a sensual book. And Aaron Eckhart was fucking NOT Roland.
posted by brujita 30 November | 05:31
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