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20 November 2006
How do YOU secretly express to assholes how much you hate them? There are whole days when I walk around with my middle fingers slightly upraised from the ecliptic of my hand in an expression of hidden defiance.→[More:]
London was good, by the way.
J? You're a snarky asshole with a horse-face and a horse-laugh, and you're such a bitch because you're in a loveless marriage. Get out of it! F? You're a pompous mouse, the first I've ever met. L? When you're on your deathbed, everyone will finally tell you what a narcissistic bitch you are.
I'll join you: Landord's son, warn me when you're gonna be cleaning the front roof, so I'm not naked at my computer by the window, and don't take the fact your mother is a crazy old housebat out on us. MaryTylerMoore girl in the office, stop being so fucking perky, it annoys those of us who have given up hope.
Oh I'll join in. I need it after spending the whole weekend with someone I don't like very much.
K: Just because you're good friends with my husband, and just because I've been nice to you because you're going through a divorce and it's obviously breaking you up, doesn't mean that you can make sexist jokes at my expense and then smirk when I get angry at you. What's more, the degree of self-absorption that your friends are allowing you in this time does not extend to listening to you talk about your money for 2 hours straight, nor to agreeing with you when you expound upon the moral failings of our friend's girlfriend because she likes to take a nap in the afternoon.
Dear People who run our E-mail Server, I'm sick of you. If you try to pull your "It appears to be working fine" shit on me when the server is acting all weird and holding back mail and sending doubles, I will lose it. I'm already going to recommend we fire you and take our business elsewhere, because you treat me like I'm dumb. You are messing with the wrong girl.
Dear myself, please find quickly something that annoys you and join this thread rightfully. You have been quite not annoyed lately. What's the matter with you? sheesh!
i kill them with kindness...smile up in the faces of assholes in the world so they cannot ever see that they have gotten to me at all....
i feel the worst thing one can ever do is let someone know they have the power/ability to affect one's mood. i leared that lesson the hard way about 5 years ago.
to B: you are the worst kind of insecure person because you believe everything that is going on has something to do with you. it doesn't. it never did.
when i want to take a break, i will take one. alone. fuck off.
T: No, your objectification of women is not endearing. It's creepy. I don't appreciate it when you comment on my weight, or my hair style. I don't appreciete your stories about hot cops or your crazy daughter in law. I don't appreciate the endless questions about my personal life. I don't want to have lunch with you, I don't want to "show you around my apartment." I want you to leave me alone.
Hazard lights are NOT FOR JUMPING OUT OF YOUR FUCKING SUV FOR COFFEE AT THE INTERSECTION. And NO IT'S NOT CUTE just because you are a ditzy-ass blonde chick in corporada drag.
SIGNAL LIGHTS are to be used at all times. Gently swerving between lanes or at intersections WILL NOT advise me of your driving intentions.
DRIVING FIVE MILES AN HOUR BENEATH THE SPEED LIMIT on the freeway is not a safe manner to go from Point A to Point B.
PARKING IN THE LANE YOU WERE JUST DRIVING IN because you can't find a spot directly outside of where you wish to dine is not a good use of your insurance policy.
Dear fat bald fuckhead of a principal, just cause I sit in your stupid fishbowl of an office and take your condescending crap of a scolding (we've been a baaaaad girl, haven't we... we missed the stupid vapid bimonthly meeting where all you do is prattle on about nothing for forty minutes because SOMEONE keeps changing when and if we even have said meetings and didn't distribute the usual one useful reminder memo amongst the trillions of the useless), and so, I stayed home today to spare myself today's meatless meatball of a meeting, and because today, just today, I couldn't bear to go out there.
Dear Kaylee,
Yes, those are stuffed toys, but they are my toys. See? They are on a shelf. Your toys are on the floor. Leave them alone or shall have to pluck your whiskers out one by one.
Love,
Mum
- - -
Dear Mister,
Tell me what you want for Christmas or you shall get coal and/or a swift kick in the arse.
Love,
The Wife
- - -
Dear Bunnies,
My apologies but this is the best I can do. I am lucky in that I don't have many assholes to deal with. Being a latchkey wife has it's privileges.
well, the downside of that approach, cmonkey, is the occasional job loss or right to the jaw. And, I honestly don't hate too many people, although most people annoy me on occasion, even ones I like.
If you dislike someone enough to consider it hate I figure putting it out into the open is the only fair thing to do. If it results in tears and blood, that's life.
Of course, if your job is in the balance, talking shit on the internet is a better idea.
Hate takes energy which I'm not willing to give most people. Mostly I'm indifferent to people or hate them for only a short period of time (coincides with the Line of Sight - I hate you for as long as I can see you, then I forget and move on).
To the left-turning assholes who try to run me down everyday: FUCK OFF! I have the right-of-way moron. Dr. Phil will be on again later!
To people in general: The majority of you are useless little thorns digging into the palms of society. Why is consideration dead and when did freeway etiquette become the rarity? Cutting me off and then waving doesn't make me hate you less.
With your garden-variety asshole, I don't usually hate 'em so much as I find their lack of self-awareness pitiable. I mean, most people, most of the time, don't want to be assholes, and don't know they're being assholes. And if they knew how other people perceived them, they'd probably stop. Or that's what I try to choose to believe, anyway. Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance, or something like that.
With your major-league assholes (yeah, big time), I plan to run them over--just as soon as I've finished constructing an Ed-Begley-style go-cart fueled by my own sense of self-righteousness.
To the man in the SUV that costs more than my college education who tried to run over me this morning: You bastard! You think that because you're in a car and I'm on foot that I do not have the right-of-way?! Oh yes, you're a biiiig man, you are, because you can scare pedestrians by cutting it pretty close with your big fucking bumper. If I had stopped walking, you would have hit me a heartbeat later, you fucker. And when I glared at you, you had the audacity to glare back at me with that superior smirk. I wish I'd had a baseball bat.
I hate you in your face!
And, to answer your questions, BtGoG, I either vent about it here or pretend I have super powers that allow me to serve up cruel and unusual punishments. Like the asshole who threatened to hit me this morning: he gets a crippling rectal itch that flares up at the most inopportune moments.
Hey, perfect yuppie/hippie family down the street? LOCK YOUR FUCKING DOG UP, PLEASE. Build a fence or take it on walks on a leash; I don't care which BUT STOP LETTING IT JUST WANDER AROUND LOOSE BECAUSE IT MAKES MY MORNING WALKS A MISERY. Why can't you be responsible? No, it isn't friendly. No, it doesn't just want to play with my dogs; it feels that the street is its territory and it's defending that.
We have a code at work..PITA, stands for "Pain In The Ass". So I could be calling down to the meat room for a special and casually add, "Oh, how about PITA for lunch?" and they'll know the situation. I also blow off steam by gripe-fests with fellow co-workers. This time of year is especially stressful: How many people will this feed? How long does it take to thaw a turkey? How do I cook it?" Every year it's like they've never cooked before. I kid you not, I actually had a customer tell me seriously that she lets her turkey sit outside to thaw or keep until Thursday. OUTSIDE!!!!! NON-REFRIGERATED!!!!!
OK. This is a secret. You guys can't tell this to anybody.
What I like to do to express my secret hatreds is to wait until the offender has gone away for a little while, to some task or another that will take up a fair amount of time.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
